Patience

One of the main things i've realized I need to find in a significant other is patience.

Someone that can cope with me and is resilient.

Because much of my anxiety is self made, I will need someone patient enough to to quiet all the noise.

I put on this facade of having my life together and like I don't worry about my future.
Not only as a writer and having a meaningful career.
But as a person that someday would like to have a family.
And how my life will pan out.
Will I be there for everything I want to be there for?
I am easy to like once approached and you break the surface, but i'm a difficult person to fully love.

I know this sounds super morbid but when you don't have all the answers, and you have an active imagination, my mind tends to get out of hand.



But i've also found because I expect so much from others that when that doesnt pan out I tend to be very impatient.
I need to learn to be patient with others as well.
And that has never been easy.

Christmas morning is always stressful because I have always had to be patient enough to wait.

I feel like I have these two opposing sources.

One is this restless fire that wants all the answers.
And the other is a very shy and afraid to proceed into the future.
And i'm caught in the middle noise.

So I will try to be better.
Take my time and try not to worry about the things I cannot control for now.
Because that is just how life is.