Little Miss who you are is so much more than what you like to talk about

The song Little Miss by the band Sugarland is a great song I like to listen to when i'm having a off or down day.
It reminds me that this is all a journey.
And that I can do it.

Well Tuesday was a bit of a rough day.

I did homework with KC and then we; decided to go to bingo night.
Which was fine for most of it.
But as we all know, if you don't know me, I can come off a bit intense.

So I was out for bingo night with KC.
In a romper, heels and bright blue eye liner.
And KC is in a cute skirt, a shirt and a cute hoodie.
So she has figured out Durango wear.
And I have not.

So obviously she is the more approachable one.
And I am not.

And for some odd reason these old men find it their mission to cheer me up.
I show my emotions on my face.
So when i'm the one that is left out.
And i'm fine for the most part.
But then for some odd reason it really gets to me.
And 8th grade version of Julia comes out.
And I feel like something is wrong with me.
Which there isn't.

All this came about because deep down I still have very rooted feelings about not being enough and not fitting int.

I'm just a bit much to handle and most guys dont want to flirt with that.
Really its a hard life when you have RBF.

And then the old men really try to cheer me up which if i'm not in the mood there is literally nothing you can do.
And it was just not good.
I am stubborn and if I don't want to do something I wont do it.


And right then I realized that Durango wasn't ever going to be my home.
My dreams are too big.

I love Durango.
But its not where i'm going to end up.

And later on after some waterworks with KC on the drive home I realized that I truly am an anomaly around here.
And that is never going to change.
I will stick out.

And that is okay.
That is just another sign that my place is somewhere else.



So I am not easily bought.
I am genuine.
I do not trust easily.
I have baggage and scars.
I try to put on a facade of togetherness but its not always there.
Deep down I still have insecurities that are triggered by the dumbest of things like not getting male attention at a dumb bingo night.
I am not perfect.
I am so much more than my surface.
I am a fighter
I am a musician
I am a writer
I am opiniated
I am kind
I try to see the best in people.
I show my emotions on my face.
And I will not let myself ever be in a situation where I am not happy.
This includes relationships, work or where I live.
And I have found I need to make myself happy before I can fully focus on making anyone else happy.



So for now I am enough for me.
And I just have to remember that