I'm not crying on Sundays

The song She Keeps Me Warm by Mary Lambert is probably one of the most genuine songs about love that I've ever heard.
Now this is not a new discovery.
I've loved this song for quite some time now.
But I think in this day and age we are trying to do everything in our lives faster and more efficient.
People are falling in love and making families faster.
I sometimes wonder if they actually know what they are getting in to or if its about fitting in and going with the social norm that you have to find someone to love you by 30 or else you'll be alone forever.
That you have to beat the other person to the punch of the first I love you.
To always be ahead of the curve on what you are doing in your relationship.
Comparing yourself to other people and what they are doing.

When really we should be focusing on ourselves.

Anyway back to the song its about wanting to get to know all the little details about a person.
The excitement of finding out their middle name, whether or not they hate their job and what you can call them.
You know all those little facts you discover in a new relationship that is like a little door that sheds a little bit more light onto what kind of person you are caring for.
The sweet doors of light like random talents or embarrassing stories.
The scary doors about how they fall in love or how they've fallen.
And being strong enough to not only embrace the light from the sweet doors but also the light from the scary doors.
The little dusty corners of a person that are hardly ever discovered.
Their hopes, dreams and fears.
Parts of them that aren't let out very often for fear of how our harsh world will see our vulnerabilities.

Very few people know the full extent of the maze that is my brain.
And very few people have been let in to that part of me.

I don't like to open up about how scared I am for the future.
Or how I don't have all the answers.
Or how deep rooted my insecurities are.
Or the odd triggers that will set me off on a crazy whirl wind.

I put on this facade.
I cover my scars.
I take the high road or at least try to most of the time.
I try to do unto others as I would have them do unto me.
I hold my head high some days with all my might, because sometimes knowing that you are so much more than your appearance, is the thing that will get me out of bed.
I put most at a distance, not so close as to let the scary doors shed their light.
I keep it together, do my job, and be kind.

So I will thank all of those that have made it to the end of this rambling blog about love and letting others in.
I will thank those that have seen the scary sides of me and stayed,
I will thank those that I have kept at a safe distance for both our sanity's and have stayed.

And I will thank the person that may some day read this blog where their full intent is to find out just a little more about me because they too are overcome with this innate need to open every door whether scary or sweet.

So i'm not crying on this Sunday.

Also, I'm sorry KC.