"But, do you enjoy it?"

Here is the deal.
I try to live my life by doing things that make me happy or bring meaning to my life.
I do not want to live a life where I feel like I am under appreciated or doing something that does not have value.
Life is too short for that.

Last week I was in the media center as per usual, making yet another graphic.
And sometimes it comes easy to me.
And sometimes it does not.
Sometimes the idea is easy to recreate.
Sometimes I just don't have the know how.
And sometimes adobe illustrator just cant do what I want to do.

So last week i'm making another graphic and I finally figure out what I want and how to execute it.
And Lauren is in the media center too, editing the story i'm making this for.
And she asks me if I still like what i'm doing.
And I give some half assed answer about how its fun and sometimes frustrating because sometimes people do not communicate.
But then she asks "But, do you enjoy it?"

And that really threw me off.
For so long now I've been doing graphics because someone needed to do them
Where has all the joy gone?

Sure I still like the thrill of making something that looks clean and gives the right message.
Or making something that I think looks cool and unique and that people can recognize.
But where do I come in?

Do I ever make these graphics just for me?
Just for my enjoyment to make me happy.

Its like me still doing music.
If I didn't still find joy in when I play those hollow wooden tubes brought together with cork and metal to make an instrument that looks like the love child of a didgeridoo and an oboe, I wouldn't still waltz into that band room around 4:30 every monday and wednesday afternoon.

I still show up at 8 am every Tuesday and Thursday because being there and making something so unique for people that I care about passionately is enough.

Sure sometimes I want to pull out my hair when there is a miscommunication, when the story is so abstract that I literally have no idea, when there is a time crunch or when someone wants something I cant make.
But I shoulder on.

And a little piece of me is put into every graphic,
And it fills me with joy when someone compliments me on my work.
Because by nature I am a writer and words come easily most of the time.
But being able to have some slight artistic talent, something out of the blue for a writer, is a lovely feeling.

So yes I still enjoy it.