"Stop stalking our teacher"

I'm not really stalking my teacher.
But I swear I've seen my Spanish professor out in public like 3 times in the past week.
I hardly ever see anyone else ever.
And I've seen him at the store twice in the past month.

We must just have the same schedule.
And most of the time when I see him, I see him and then I realize its him and I hide or turn around and hope to god he didn't see me.
Like that man and I must just go to the store and have the same sort of routine.
Well today it caught me off guard because I was at the store in my own little world getting the last thing I needed.
Icecream.
And he waltz's on by.
And says  "Hi Julia".
I turn around and realize its him.
Say Hi.
And then ask why I always see him at the store?
Which is just awkward because I just admitted that I see him and don't say hi.
And he replies with "I never see you at the store"
Yeah that happened...
And I grab my ice cream, say bye, and hurriedly walk away and check out.
And hope to god I don't see him anymore.


Last Friday KC and I saw him at Joel's and there was this girl that was digging her claws into him and flirting hardcore.
And we were just over in the corner snickering

So I always see Diego in public.
Which is just peachy...
And I swear i'm not stalking him.

I whip my hair back and forth

So a few years ago when the music video I  Whip My Hair by Willow Smith came out.

My dad saw and decided to take his own version on it.

Now just as an FYI, my dad does not have much hair at all.

Hes mostly bald.

So when he whipped his hair he was most just shaking his head with its 1/2 inch of hair.

It was pretty histerical.

So I got my hair cut which is a big deal because i've had it long for a really long time.

But I just wanted something new.

So its about 6 inches shorter.

And now I can dry my hair in a reasonable ammount of time.

And its not so hot.

And I have the damn cutest little pony tail.

And I can still do stuff with it hair.

So today I walk into band i'm like "notice anything different"

And start whipping my hair around.

Even the guys got it in like 5 seconds which is a miracle because usually it takes them a minute when I change something and i'm being overly obvious.

The girls got it right away.

But good job bassoon nerd guys.

So yes I am sporting a shorter do and its lovely

To Cure

So for the past 4 years my family has attended the race for the cure in Denver.
My mom if you didn't know is a breast cancer survivor and during her first race she was bald and had a little pink cap on and was going through chemo treatments.
I have missed every year since school is 6 hours away.

But I was checking in earlier last week and mom said something along the lines of "well you're going to be home next year right?"

That is the plan.

My family is back in Denver and I miss being part of family events.
And I miss being home.
And having home cooked meals.
And celebrating birthdays.



But just recently i've really realized the importance of a cure for cancer.
So many people have been touched by this.
And awareness is key.
Hell I check myself a couple times a week.
I've thought about going to get a mammogram just because my mom had it.
And there is a test to see if you are a higher test of getting breast cancer so I might get that done in the next few years.
Because I will have a voluntary double mastectomy if it means I do not need to worry and that I can be around for all those moments for the future generations.
Boobs are just mounds of fat.
Family is worth so much more than filling out a dress or looking normal.
I'll just add to my scars.
And that will be cool.


But a cure.
To cure something.
To eradicate something that has plagued and broken so many families,
Now that would be something.

Someone just wife me already

I'M TOTALLY KIDDING MOM AND DAD!

I'm a bit on the fence about the phrase "someone just wife me already".
Usually this is pertaining to a persons homely abilities.
Like on Saturday I had my friend KC spend the night and let me just say, I made a pretty spectacular breakfast.
Bacon, chocolate donuts and some other things.
But seeing as most of the time my breakfast is a yogurt or some cream of wheat scarfed down before running out the door, this was pretty legit.
But I said something along the lines of "someone just wife me already."

Now as we all know.
I believe in love.
I am not particularly in a point in my life where i'm really looking for a life partner.
But there are plenty of other people my age that are.
And i'm just not really in that group.
And I don't date just to date.
Like if someone remarkable comes into my life that I like then sure i'll go on a date with them.
But if I don't feel anything for them, i'm not going to waste my time getting into something I have no intention of keeping.

But being the feminist I am I caught myself off guard saying this.
Because I do not consider myself to be the type of woman that would normally take on the "wifely" duties.
If you've ever seen my room its difficult to keep it clean.
Also I pretty much stick to the same food.
And i've found i'm not all that patient with small children all that often.

My mother is a wonderful cook and really cooking just kind of stresses me out.
She is one of the most loving human beings and was and still is an incredible wife and mother to our family.
Hell shes probably half adopted most of the kids shes come in contact with.
But my parents don't always have that typical of defined wifely or husband like responsibilities all that often. They are a team.

But I don't think I fit the typical mold of what a "wife" should be.
I'd like a match or a partner or an equal.
No real defined responsibilities for either gender but just to progress and help in anyway possible.

So maybe someday someone will partner me or match me or be my equal.
But I don't think I will call myself a wife or call my husband a husband.
But we will be partners.

Keep up with me

So here's the deal.
I got a new phone.
A gold Samsung galaxy S6
And it is amazing.
And currently i'm in the baby phase where it is so new and beautiful and I don't want to ruin it.

And one of the main reasons why is because my old phone could just not keep up with me.
And being in the field that I am I need to always be on top of things and I cannot be held back by my technology.

So the other day i'm chatting with dad about my phone and how fast it is.
And all the new little features.
I have an octopus emoji and it makes me so happy.
It also has a beauty feature on my camera which just when you are taking a selfie and put this one it blurs all your imperfections, so you look flawless.
I'm on the fence on whether or not I like this...

But I was talking to dad and geeking out about my new tech and we got on the subject of how I move so fast and how my chosen career is so fast and how in general I am just a fast person and its hard to keep up with me.

And he said something along the lines of"You know, when you do find a man that finally sweeps you off your feet, hes going to have to be pretty damn fast, to keep up with you."

And this is totally true.
I have a short attention span and half the reason I chose journalism is because of how fast it moves.
It never stays the same from one second to the next.
And I like that.

And i'm the type of person that I can adapt.
I do not take the easy route.
And I never sell myself short and more and more recently i've been voicing my opinion and standing up for myself.

So yes I know i'm a lot to handle.
And that is okay.

If you want any of this, you're going to have to be able to keep up with me.

"Just, you know, making sure you're not dead in a ditch somewhere."

The roommate and I have an oddly protective relationship with each other.

So if I ever feel like the roommate should be home and isn't and I don't know where she is, i'll call her.

And sometimes my messages are a little morbid, because I have a wild imagination and automatically assume the worst.

So last week I forgot the roommate was at her internship and I assumed she was at the barn with her horse.

To put in some context, last year she was at a different barn and at this one time her horse kind of went a little crazy and one night her phone died, her mommy got worried, and told my mommy and my mommy told me. So I drove nearly to Bayfield in the middle of nowhere with my good friend Aaron looking for the roommate because we thought something happened to her.
Turns out she was fine, her phone just died.

Back to last week she didn't pick up so I left her a message that ended something like the title of this blog.

I got my worrying genes from my mother who got it from her mother who got it from her mother and so on until we are back in Sweden about a 1000 years ago and a viking wife is worrying about her husband because he hasn't come back from ransacking villages and shes worried he might be frozen in an iceberg somewhere or possibly eaten by a polar bear.

She was fine.
She was at her internship
But just so you know, if I cant get a hold of you and i'm worried, you might get a message that ends something like what I left for her.

Because I have an irrational imagination.
Sorry about that.

Happy Happys

As requested by my lovely mother since I literally couldnt think of anything else to write about, i'm writing about these little things called Happy Happys
A Happy Happy.

Essentially its a little out of the blue surprise that cheers up your day.

We like to do happy happys in our house because really we like any reason whatsoever to celebrate.

Like the day when I found out I got 2 points higher on my ACT I came home to a little happy happy of an angle figurine that had a star in its hands.
Both my parents were so proud of me even for what I thought was a little accomplishment.
And to this day I still have that darn thing and know that my parents are proud of me.

My mom loves to send care packages and put in little surprises.
So over the summer after I got my job at Renae Marie she sent me some cute new clothes to wear to work or wherever, and to tell me how proud she was of me and for persevering after loosing my other job.
It only took me two weeks exactly, thank you very much since the day I was "let go" for me to find another job.
Across the street no less.
I always love when she sends me things because they are so thoughtful.

And i've definitely inherited that trait and try to give thoughtful and useful gifts to people.

I think we all need little surprised in our life.
I mean it doesnt always have to be a physical item like clothing or something.
Like little acts of kindness or a note always touch my heart.
Just letting someone know you are thinking about them genuinely always warms my heart.

So take note.
If you want to impress someone, just be randomly thoughtful and it will make a huge impact.
Just saying...

"Names hold power, just like magic words"

So if you haven't seen the new Cinderella.
You need to see it now.
Like ASAP

Something about the magic and loveliness of a princess has always touched something in me.
When i was little I had a book of fairy tales and i'm pretty sure I loved that thing to death.
I loved the dresses.
The handsome princes.
How they persevered.
And then of course how they lived happily ever after.

How two souls so easily found each other and fell in love and stayed happy forever.
Don't you wish life were just like that??

You found someone and you just knew and then you were happy until the end of your days together.
That would be just peachy if that actually happened.

But anyways I saw the live action Cinderella for the third time tonight and I was filled with the awe and whimsical magic just like the first two times.

I still want her dress.
And I still want to kill Drisella.
And I love Lily James.

My full on love for Disney princesses and pretty much anything sparkly came out.

I know i'm a small child but really is it so bad that some of my joy comes from that?
Nope I think its fine.

We all need a little magic and I keep it alive that way.

I still believe in magic and happily ever afters.
And I think that is perfectly fine.

"But, do you enjoy it?"

Here is the deal.
I try to live my life by doing things that make me happy or bring meaning to my life.
I do not want to live a life where I feel like I am under appreciated or doing something that does not have value.
Life is too short for that.

Last week I was in the media center as per usual, making yet another graphic.
And sometimes it comes easy to me.
And sometimes it does not.
Sometimes the idea is easy to recreate.
Sometimes I just don't have the know how.
And sometimes adobe illustrator just cant do what I want to do.

So last week i'm making another graphic and I finally figure out what I want and how to execute it.
And Lauren is in the media center too, editing the story i'm making this for.
And she asks me if I still like what i'm doing.
And I give some half assed answer about how its fun and sometimes frustrating because sometimes people do not communicate.
But then she asks "But, do you enjoy it?"

And that really threw me off.
For so long now I've been doing graphics because someone needed to do them
Where has all the joy gone?

Sure I still like the thrill of making something that looks clean and gives the right message.
Or making something that I think looks cool and unique and that people can recognize.
But where do I come in?

Do I ever make these graphics just for me?
Just for my enjoyment to make me happy.

Its like me still doing music.
If I didn't still find joy in when I play those hollow wooden tubes brought together with cork and metal to make an instrument that looks like the love child of a didgeridoo and an oboe, I wouldn't still waltz into that band room around 4:30 every monday and wednesday afternoon.

I still show up at 8 am every Tuesday and Thursday because being there and making something so unique for people that I care about passionately is enough.

Sure sometimes I want to pull out my hair when there is a miscommunication, when the story is so abstract that I literally have no idea, when there is a time crunch or when someone wants something I cant make.
But I shoulder on.

And a little piece of me is put into every graphic,
And it fills me with joy when someone compliments me on my work.
Because by nature I am a writer and words come easily most of the time.
But being able to have some slight artistic talent, something out of the blue for a writer, is a lovely feeling.

So yes I still enjoy it.

*angry toad noises*

So a few days ago Mike showed me this one meme that was a picture of this really grumpy looking toad and it had the caption "when you really dont want to do homework" and then it had near the toad *angry toad noises*
This was all directed at Carter because he was supposedly being the angry toad that day.
And it made me laugh way harder then it really should have.

Well today was just one of those days where I made some of those angry toad noises.
Its a guttural back of your throat sort of sound.
Not pretty in any way.
Its a way to convey frustration and anger.

Well first off, nyquill knocked me out and I woke up at 10 am.
I usually wake up around 7 or 8.
Have a nice relaxing breakfast and morning.
Do my Spanish.
Get ready and go to school.

No such luck.
I had woken later than expected
First angry toad noise for the day.

Then on my way to school I was literally behind the slowest subaru in the world.
Second angry toad noise for the day.

Then in Spanish I couldn't get a word in even though I actually understood what we were talking about
Third angry toad noise for the day.

On my way to band I totally walked by this one guy and didn't even acknowledge him.
My friend Lainey had to tell me I had done that after we had walked out the door.
Fourth angry toad noise for the day.

Then in band I couldn't tune or play the right rhythms to save my life.
Many more angry toad noises.

And after all that I had to go and design a graphic I had forgotten about doing.
Some more angry toad noises.

And then just various little balls of stress that have arisen through the day.
Its a typical Monday and I was just in a weird funk.
So yes angry toad noises were needed today.

I'm not crying on Sundays

The song She Keeps Me Warm by Mary Lambert is probably one of the most genuine songs about love that I've ever heard.
Now this is not a new discovery.
I've loved this song for quite some time now.
But I think in this day and age we are trying to do everything in our lives faster and more efficient.
People are falling in love and making families faster.
I sometimes wonder if they actually know what they are getting in to or if its about fitting in and going with the social norm that you have to find someone to love you by 30 or else you'll be alone forever.
That you have to beat the other person to the punch of the first I love you.
To always be ahead of the curve on what you are doing in your relationship.
Comparing yourself to other people and what they are doing.

When really we should be focusing on ourselves.

Anyway back to the song its about wanting to get to know all the little details about a person.
The excitement of finding out their middle name, whether or not they hate their job and what you can call them.
You know all those little facts you discover in a new relationship that is like a little door that sheds a little bit more light onto what kind of person you are caring for.
The sweet doors of light like random talents or embarrassing stories.
The scary doors about how they fall in love or how they've fallen.
And being strong enough to not only embrace the light from the sweet doors but also the light from the scary doors.
The little dusty corners of a person that are hardly ever discovered.
Their hopes, dreams and fears.
Parts of them that aren't let out very often for fear of how our harsh world will see our vulnerabilities.

Very few people know the full extent of the maze that is my brain.
And very few people have been let in to that part of me.

I don't like to open up about how scared I am for the future.
Or how I don't have all the answers.
Or how deep rooted my insecurities are.
Or the odd triggers that will set me off on a crazy whirl wind.

I put on this facade.
I cover my scars.
I take the high road or at least try to most of the time.
I try to do unto others as I would have them do unto me.
I hold my head high some days with all my might, because sometimes knowing that you are so much more than your appearance, is the thing that will get me out of bed.
I put most at a distance, not so close as to let the scary doors shed their light.
I keep it together, do my job, and be kind.

So I will thank all of those that have made it to the end of this rambling blog about love and letting others in.
I will thank those that have seen the scary sides of me and stayed,
I will thank those that I have kept at a safe distance for both our sanity's and have stayed.

And I will thank the person that may some day read this blog where their full intent is to find out just a little more about me because they too are overcome with this innate need to open every door whether scary or sweet.

So i'm not crying on this Sunday.

Also, I'm sorry KC.

Don't you mess with MY roommate and that darn forever candle

So work is notorious for stupid customer questions.
The usual comment about how cute the store is/how it smells so good/if we have everything out/why we don't have their size 5 shoe/if they can use our bathroom/if we have maternity clothing since we have baby socks/if the spinner necklace is in Chinese/how they cant hear the damn chime in the little pebble necklaces/ how brilliant it is to have bedazzled bra straps/ why they think they should have another 15% off the already marked down price.

Yeah this happens almost daily.

I love my job a lot and i'm very thankful to have it and work with the people that I get to work with.

But sometimes its hard not to bust out my RBF.

So today that damn forever candle came into play today.
This one lady came in asking about it and how it worked.
IT has a marble glued to the top that apparently you have to remove by heading up the wax with a hair dryer and then taking it off, putting in the wick and then you can refill it with oil.
So it can burn forever.

But I didn't know all of the things about the marble and having to blow dry it and what not.
And this lady just gives me this look.
Like how dare I not know the intricacies of this damn candle and how it fricken works and why it has a marble glued on the top.

Who honestly really thinks about asking their boss how a stupid candle works.
Not me.
Especially when there are a ton of other products in the store.

So that happened.

And then.... this total B of a lady yelled at the roommate about something that was not her fault.
Now mind you the roommate is quite a bit tougher than I am and I've seen her cry probably twice before today.
ME its been at least 30 times.
So she was telling me this and then started to tear up.

So it is now my mission to put this lady in her place.
Because that was uncalled for.
And you made her cry.
That is not okay.

Watch out mean horse lady, you just opened up a can of Julia Grace Volzke whooop ass.




We also later discussed menstrual cups and those panties that act as your period protection.
And how weird both of those products really are.

Good times at our place on a Saturday night.
Now its time to take a bath and go to bed.
Because that is how I roll.

Accidental flasher and Pablo Neruda

So lets start with the interesting part.

Me encanta Pablo Neruda.

That means I love the author Pablo Neruda.
He was a Chilean author and today in Spanish we got to discuss some of his famous poems.
Which I loved because he puts a ton of emotion and metaphors into his works.
There's this one where the title translates to "If you forget me".
And he talks about this love.
And the cliche that if you love something then let it go.
And Jesus I just want a man to read me poems by Pablo Neruda or by Gabriel Garcia Marquez in a perfect Spanish accent.
I am currently having auditions for that role!

And then the other part of my day.

So FLC is known for being windy because we are on top of a mesa.
And we all know how much I love to be a girl and wear skirts.
Well today I was walking to my first class, oddly enough Spanish, and I had my bag.
And I didn't realize that the side I had my bag on was riding up my skirt.
And I didn't realize this until I had nearly reached my class and pulled down my skirt.

So yes I flashed the college.
No I was actually wearing good panties so it was ok.
Not perfect but not the end of the world.

See I remember this one girl from freshman year that was a bit bigger and got her skirt tucked under her little back pack.
And there was a little thong.

And suddenly I was in that embarrassing position.
I was the one with the tucked up skirt.
No tiny thong but I did probably make a few peoples day.

Yay for graceful and poised Julia.

Thunder

The song Thunder by Leona Lewis has turned in a way into what Fight Song by Rachel Platten previously held for me.
A woman rising from the ashes and becoming stronger.
Just go to listen to it

I have never really feared thunder.
Whenever there is a rainstorm I like to open my windows and hear the rain and thunder.
I also think the sound a bassoon makes in its deeper register is similar to that of a rumble of thunder.

Well Thursday started out with having the absolute best substitute ever for the Indy.
And our day was immediately brightened by the fact that we got to have just her all to ourselves for a few hours.
My day is automatically better whenever she blesses us with her presence in that class.

But she is a fighter and if she definitely has fought with a power of thunder.
Thundering her way through chemo, all the challenges she has faced and then fighting to get back to us.

She also was there with a listening ear.
About the trouble we've been having with the new adviser.

And even though I wanted to join the band wagon and yes I did get my ass handed to me by her last week.
Everyone does not like her and was complaining about her unorthodox ways and having to transition to someone new.
BUT
I took the high road.
Be proud parental units, you raised me well.

I quoted something my mom had told me last week about having to deal with this change of advisers.
That we may not like her but its a good learning experience for the future and having to work with difficult bosses.
That this is all a good learning experience
And even though I got some grumbles I think we all realized that this is temporary.

Our beloved adviser will be back.
The other one is a learning opportunity.

And I was the one that brought the silver lining in this storm.
Hell yes.

Patience

One of the main things i've realized I need to find in a significant other is patience.

Someone that can cope with me and is resilient.

Because much of my anxiety is self made, I will need someone patient enough to to quiet all the noise.

I put on this facade of having my life together and like I don't worry about my future.
Not only as a writer and having a meaningful career.
But as a person that someday would like to have a family.
And how my life will pan out.
Will I be there for everything I want to be there for?
I am easy to like once approached and you break the surface, but i'm a difficult person to fully love.

I know this sounds super morbid but when you don't have all the answers, and you have an active imagination, my mind tends to get out of hand.



But i've also found because I expect so much from others that when that doesnt pan out I tend to be very impatient.
I need to learn to be patient with others as well.
And that has never been easy.

Christmas morning is always stressful because I have always had to be patient enough to wait.

I feel like I have these two opposing sources.

One is this restless fire that wants all the answers.
And the other is a very shy and afraid to proceed into the future.
And i'm caught in the middle noise.

So I will try to be better.
Take my time and try not to worry about the things I cannot control for now.
Because that is just how life is.

Little Miss who you are is so much more than what you like to talk about

The song Little Miss by the band Sugarland is a great song I like to listen to when i'm having a off or down day.
It reminds me that this is all a journey.
And that I can do it.

Well Tuesday was a bit of a rough day.

I did homework with KC and then we; decided to go to bingo night.
Which was fine for most of it.
But as we all know, if you don't know me, I can come off a bit intense.

So I was out for bingo night with KC.
In a romper, heels and bright blue eye liner.
And KC is in a cute skirt, a shirt and a cute hoodie.
So she has figured out Durango wear.
And I have not.

So obviously she is the more approachable one.
And I am not.

And for some odd reason these old men find it their mission to cheer me up.
I show my emotions on my face.
So when i'm the one that is left out.
And i'm fine for the most part.
But then for some odd reason it really gets to me.
And 8th grade version of Julia comes out.
And I feel like something is wrong with me.
Which there isn't.

All this came about because deep down I still have very rooted feelings about not being enough and not fitting int.

I'm just a bit much to handle and most guys dont want to flirt with that.
Really its a hard life when you have RBF.

And then the old men really try to cheer me up which if i'm not in the mood there is literally nothing you can do.
And it was just not good.
I am stubborn and if I don't want to do something I wont do it.


And right then I realized that Durango wasn't ever going to be my home.
My dreams are too big.

I love Durango.
But its not where i'm going to end up.

And later on after some waterworks with KC on the drive home I realized that I truly am an anomaly around here.
And that is never going to change.
I will stick out.

And that is okay.
That is just another sign that my place is somewhere else.



So I am not easily bought.
I am genuine.
I do not trust easily.
I have baggage and scars.
I try to put on a facade of togetherness but its not always there.
Deep down I still have insecurities that are triggered by the dumbest of things like not getting male attention at a dumb bingo night.
I am not perfect.
I am so much more than my surface.
I am a fighter
I am a musician
I am a writer
I am opiniated
I am kind
I try to see the best in people.
I show my emotions on my face.
And I will not let myself ever be in a situation where I am not happy.
This includes relationships, work or where I live.
And I have found I need to make myself happy before I can fully focus on making anyone else happy.



So for now I am enough for me.
And I just have to remember that

Diego, this was a bad idea

Our Spanish class is used to a very certain way to do things.
And when things are mixed up its bad.
Well we are fine when we get to go outside, but other then that its not good.

Like when someone sits in my seat.
Or we try something new with class.

Like a very complicated seating arrangement in a tiny room.

We had to do a smaller circle of desks inside a larger circle.

And no one could decide how to make it.

AND I was one of the unfortunate people that was stuck in the middle.

And people asked us questions directly about the reading.
And we all know how well I do under pressure and speaking in front of people in spanish.
So that was bad.

And everyone was confused.
Plus it was a Monday and even though I know it was at like 2 in the afternoon.
We all wanted a nap.

So what did we learn.
We all still need naps even when adults.
And complicated seating arrangements never work well.
And Tony needs to hit or silenced with ducktape.
He is just obnoxious.

Catching up...

So this whole blogging daily thing is an ordeal just so we are clear.

I cranked out 7 blogs on sunday and it was great.

I however was stopped with the daunting task of writing about 9/11.

I had to be in the right mindset to write it.

All my fellow writers know the importance of that.

So i just wrote it.

And it wasnt too sentimental

And it wasnt too short

It was just right.

It put enough in but not too much.

So yes this entire blogging experience is daunting.

But I love the challenge

Bag o' broccoli

So I was kind of a cripple on Saturday.

I did something to my ankle and it was swollen so I switched from having a thing of frozen broccoli to it being elevated.

Actually I know exactly what I did to my ankle.
I wore these gorgeous and terrible heels.
And they hurt like a choice word of a choice word
And actually they cut the sides of my heels.
And thank god I wore other flat shoes or there might have been tears.
I had to legitimately sit down and change my shoes right then and there because I couldn't go on.

Damn sexy shoes,
But they hurt.

We were some how out of frozen peas, or as Owen calls them "the devils fruit", so I had to make do with broccoli.

So there I am on my typical Saturday night, with my hot date, a bag of broccoli.

Stupid shoes

When the world stopped turning

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day.

I was 7 years old and had just started 2nd grade in Mrs O'Connors class.
I remember the morning and then going to school and everyone went outside to the flag pole and there were police officers there.
I did not quite understand what was going on.
What had happened.
And how my world would drastically change.

But that day it all did.

It wasnt until the past like 10 years or so did I fully understand the extent of all that happened that day.

I mean I knew the facts but not until you actually see the footage does it really hit home.

Well about 5 years ago I was a teacher cadet or I guess you could call it a teachers assistant in a 1st/2nd grade.
And this little girl named Hannah for some odd reason was reading about 9/11.
And asked me to explain it to her.

I have absolutely no idea what I said but I hope that I did no scare her and that it helped her to understand.
It just blew my mind that babies such as this child were born after that day.
That we went on living.
That they were not alive in a world where we did not fear terrorism.

So I ask you dear reader.
All 20 or so of you.
Be kind.
Be understanding.
And be strong.

And hopefully we can see a brighter tomorrow,

Adjustments

So I have a class that I have been in and done multiple times.
The other people in it are pretty much my family.
We have all become great friends and we all know how to work together.
Its like we have become a well oiled machine.

We just work.

Well a wrench has been put into play.
As the usual beloved faculty adviser is currently away.
So we have this new one.

And it had been interesting to say the least.
We just figured out how to work with each other and now this person comes in.
And messes with it all.
And we are trying to be cooperative.
But they are not making it easy

Like they will say one thing and then do a totally different thing.
Okay well most of my problems come from how they acted the other day during class to us.
This person announced at the beginning of class that they were just going to let us do our thing, just observe and they would act as the "anthropologist".
Fine with us, we mainly run the class as it is just with the regular adviser. She steers us on the straight and narrow.
We are all peachy keen with this realization.
And then this person comes around and personally checks in with each and every one of us on what exactly we are doing this particular class period.
And I cant say this in any other way other than I got my ass handed to me.

We have an online website, which they didn't know about at all, and there was one picture from a story on the carousel of rotating picture stories where it may have cut off the Dean of the FLC at her eyes.
We haven't touched this damn website since like April.
So she's grilling me about this.
And my new graphic on how its up and its slightly cut off because the carousel size frame is a different dimension than the usual graphic size.
But when you click on the damn story its fine!

So i'm getting grilled.
I'm not sure how to
A- fix it.
B- what to do about it.
C-what new dimensions I need.
D- if we can even have two different graphics. One for the carousel and one for the story
E- if its worth it for the time and effort to put into making two different graphics.
F- I DO NOT DEAL WITH THE WORKINGS OF THE WEBSITE. I MAKE THE GRAPHICS!

Long story short.Its fixed now.
But this person just had to immediately go back on their word!

And then we were having trouble with the special issue.
And Hanna the person on the Indy that I think works her ass off the most got grilled because there were problems with the printer.
Her computer crashed and she's having the worst day and the special issue files were on her computer.
Anyway mix up with the printer and we may have the design the entire special issue again.
And this new adviser is just grilling her about this.
Made her cry which is not Okay with me because Hanna does not deserve that and she is probably one of the most kind and talented people we have on staff.
She is essential and this person made her cry.

I've talked to a few other of the editors and no one really likes this person either.
This is going to be an interesting semester.
Hold onto your pants, here comes the Indy crazy train!

So suffice to say.
We miss you Leslie!
COME BACK SOON!

Zhe first Indy article is LIVE!

Something about doing something the first time is always magical.
The first successful story of the semester went up.
And my graphic went with it.
And I was agonizing over it and what to do.
You know, being the typical high strung capricorn that I am.
That sort of thing...

Well I just remember some of my favorite designs.
And really the simpler and cleaner the design, the better.
So I did just that.

I took the ASFLC logo.
Made it my own.
Put in some artsy text.

Called it good.
Took me 15 minutes.
It was lovely.

And then the next day I could revel in how lovely it was.
And all the compliments I got from other people

Damn its good to be back in the swing of things.

RBF problems

Resting Female dog Face problems.

So I have to keep my face in check because i'll make a face that I don't mean to make and it'll offend someone.
Like I somehow forget that people can see my face.
Which is really odd.
Like when I wear glasses I think i'm wearing sunglasses so my eye rolls come out more often.
And I don't mean to.

Sorry i'm just sassy.
I really don't mean to be mean.
But sometimes my inner feelings get out through facial expressions.
Its bad.

So Tuesday at bingo there was a particularly loud and drunk table behind us.
And I was facing away from them so they couldn't see my facial expressions.
Thank god.

Because apparently I was making the best disgusted faces.

I can literally out face you any day.
Mike and I have determined that.
I am the face master.

Except don't ask me to wink.
Can't do that...

And then just the other day I had my headphones in and I was jamming to some music whilst I did some homework for another class.
Unaware of my faces.

And I hear some giggling and look up to see Allie and Deanna just giggling at my facial expressions.
That I didn't realize that I was making such intense expressions.

Last year during KDUR practicum Michele Malach pointed it out and now everyone watches me.
She said I had RBF and that everyone should watch me in class because I make the best faces.

Its a problem.
And I love it.

I literally have nothing better to do

So the novelty of school has suddenly kind of worn off.

I mean its pretty Okay.

But sometimes I literally have nothing better to do then do random things.

Like put away all the chairs the new band members just "forgot" to put away.
Yeah right you little turds.

So after band there is a bunch of chairs left over.
And i'm putting them away whilst all the rest of the nerds left in there just look on.
And i'm doing trip after trip.
And my friend Marc comes up and is just like "Just stop"
And I say "No, I legitimately have nothing better to do."
He goes "Oh really?"
And I say "Yeah, all I need to do is go and get groceries"
And he goes "Wow you really do have nothing better to do"

Whilst the turds are just watching.
Damn turds.

Sometimes if you have free time the best thing to do is to be helpful if you can.
So do not be a turd.
Be helpful.

Did you really just ask that??

I love my job.
I love retail.
I love getting to be girly.
I love the clientele most of the time.
I love getting to wear what I want.
I love not having to be up early.
I love that I get to work at such a great place with such great people.

BUT.
There are those that come in and make it hard not to roll your eyes.
I seriously have to keep my face in check sometimes.
As we all know well that i'm quite expressive and can out face you any day.

So I sometimes make faces that I didn't mean to.

Well Sunday was a doozy for interesting and quite frankly I guess you could call them dumb questions.

Here is the situation.
Mom and teenage daughters come in.
We have this thing called the "Forever Candle" which is just this cool looking candle with a lot of stuff in it.
She legitimately asks me "How long does the forever candle burn??"
.
..
...
..
.
I really wanted to answer "Forever". But I didn't and instead said that I didnt know.

She proceed to roam around the store and look at some more stuff until she found the spinner necklaces.
Which are just these little disks on this necklace that when you spin them you can see they say certain things.
One says "Best Friends" and one says "I love you".
So i'm demonstrating this and telling her what it says and I show her a couple good spins.
And her daughters see it.
And then she asks "Is it in Chinese??"
.
..
...
..
.
NOPE.
It is definitely not in Chinese.

Sometimes I wonder about people....
Yeah she was an interesting sort.

SMGR forgot his phone

That stands for Steven Michael Gertsen-Rogers.

He was the only one set on Friday when we talked in class that wanted to go out on the town that weekend.
But someone somehow got conned into a roommate dinner.
And forgot his phone.

And apparently everyone else was being anti-social or was tired or just didn't get back to me.

So I was ready.
I was pumped.
And then it hit like 10:30.
And madmen and my bed were getting more tempting.
And then it was 11:15.
And then I decided this cobalt blue eyeliner would find another night.

So I was asleep by 12:30.

And when everyone else was stumbling out of bed and hung over the next morning,

I woke refreshed,

But still wishing I had had a night out.

Another time my friends.
Another time.

"I get to meet him... RIGHT?!?"

So, I have this friend KC.
I love her to death and to be perfectly honest, we are exact opposites.
Like some days we just look at each other and say something along the lines of "I do not understand how we became friends".

Well she may have found a new little friend.
And I haven't met him yet.
Which is a problem.

Because we are best friends and I must be involved in every moment of her life.
No matter what.

I'm just kidding.
But there was an opportunity that I might meet him.
AND I DIDN'T GET TO!

I just kept pestering her and pestering her.

She does this thing that when I don't immediately respond to a text she will text me over and over and over again until I do.
With variations of my name.
So I look at my phone one minute I have one text and the next its ten.
Its a problem.

But I was doing the same thing to her but with no avail.

Maybe someday i'll get to meet him...

Mormor would be so proud if I married this guy...

So I love all my classes.
I'm currently taking 18 credits and trying to make it on the deans list again.
All the while still trying to have a normal social life, do all my homework and not totally turn into a hermit.
Its a process but i'm getting through it.

So most of my classes I have generally the same people.
Except band is all music nerds.
And Spanish is just a bunch of people that can string together the spanish language much better than I can.
And social media marketing is all business and marketing majors, most of which are of the male variety, and had to take the class.
And in this social media marketing class you will also find myself, Lainey and Trevor.
The communications majors just taking this class for funsies.

On the first day in that class we had to go around and tell our name, major, year, any social media experience and why we took this class.
Most went "Hi my name is Timmy, i'm a senior marketing major, and mostly just the regular social media stuff and i'm taking this because I have to"
About 80-90% of the class said some variation of this.

And then Lainey, Trevor and I said something like
"Hi my name is Julia. I'm an English communications major with a Spanish minor and i'm a senior. I've had a blog since the age of 16 and I ran a food blog for a while and i'm just taking this for fun."

To add to the even more suck-upness of this situation, were all sitting right near the front.
Like good little students.

But yes i'm excited for this class.

And to mention about the title, there is a Swedish guy foreign exchange student in this class, and I made a joke that my Mormor which maternal grandmother in Swedish, would love if I married him.
You know the whole going back to your roots thing.
I know a tiny bit of Swedish so maybe you never know...

We joke about all the girl cousins finding Swedish men.
We also joke that all the girls have dowries of like 3 cows, a few pairs of oxen and some holdings of land.
You know like the good old days when women were kind of sold off to marriage? *sarcasm*
Is that weird??
Yeah just a bit.

But really Mormor would be happy if I found a nice man that loved me for who I am.
It does not at all matter his heritage at all.
That was just a joke...
I hope we all got that.

Pestering

So this semester the Indy is a bit short staffed for some odd reason.
So I've taken up pestering pretty much any person I can find to see if I can convince them to join the Indy.
On Tuesday we had this open house and I pretty much talked the ear off of any person that came with in 10 feet of me.
I am determined to make the Indy into the great organization of thriving journalists like I remember it to be.
I think because the main faculty advisor cannot be here this semester people are scared away.
But i've been talking so many people ears off about the Indy.
I talked to band. BAND OF ALL THINGS!
I talked to Social Media Marketing. Hoping to get some legitimate business people.
I went and pestered at the RSO fair for like an hour and a half.
In the hot sun.


Hell soon if we can't make the money we need i'll just go out and sell adds myself.

Well I think we all know now that once I commit and love something it's really hard for me to stop.

So if you'd like to join the Indy we meet Tuesdays and Thursdays 8-10. If you cant make it, you can do some freelance work for us.

And i'm sorry if you were one of the poor souls I over pestered.
I just really care about this crazy organization.
Like a lot.

SO COME AND JOIN US!

The warmest of hugs

So Tuesday was the absolute first day of the Indy.
And so many things had happened since the last day last semester that it was good to be back in the same room with all of my favorite people.
These bunch of weirdos have turned into my makeshift family in a way.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

So suffice to say, walking into that room in Noble on Tuesday morning was like coming home.
And I was surprised by a very friendly face that I hadn't seen all summer.
One of my good friends as well as a faculty member was there to welcome us. Just as she has for the past 4 semesters that I've had a class with her.
Now she's had quite the summer and I was not expecting to see her.
But there she was. Smile just as bright as ever.
And I had to hug her immediately and it wasn't just one of those little "its good to see you hugs" that lasts a few seconds if that.
Oh no this was a good long warm hug.
She is like my adopted mother and just like when i'm reunited with my actual mother and father after a long time away, its hard to let go.
And it was hard to let go of her right then because I didn't want it to end and I didn't want her to have to leave.
But there she was, a little battered from the storm she had just endured, but all in all, the same woman that has taken us on not only as students but as adopted children.
It made my day and pretty much my week that I was one of the few that got to see her before she had to leave.
Her immune system isn't quite back to normal but shes fighting to get back to us.

And even though she may not be around as much this semester, we all know that she will be back.
And there will be more warm hugs for us when she does return.

Thanks again adopted mom for coming back to see us off to a new semester.
We all loved seeing you back and smiling like old times.

My last first day.

Can you believe its my last first day?
I certainly cannot.

But I feel this sense of responsibility now.
Like this is my last year and I need to make the absolute most of it.
Like maybe i'll actually go the homecoming football game this year.
I'll actually get in shape.
I'll actually like myself.

But I remember going to kindergarten, with my Barbie lunch box.
And apparently I cried in the bathroom for the first half hour or so of kindergarten.
Hey I was scared.

But my first day I actually wasn't nervous.
I finally figured this out.
I was at the top of the heap.

For the first time since I can remember, I didn't have those nervous first day butterflies that always made me a hot mess the first day of class.
But not this year.

Because I think I just knew i'd be OK.
And of course the first people I see back are in band.
And then I have my Spanish class and then my video class and then band.

And I just felt pretty and like I could do this.
I can do senior year.

I can finally handle it.

And the fact that Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift came out, helped as well

Wait...senior year starts tomorrow?

The moment when you realize you have 3 million things to do before tomorrow and only a few hours to do that.
Yeah that happened.

And I had to work.
So everything had to happen after work.

And I realized I needed to get my school supplies still.
Nothing says adult quite like getting your school supplies at walmart at like 8 pm.
With all the other idiots that forgot to plan.
I seriously have a 5 subject notebook that looks like its for a second grader because that was the only one left.
And I freaking love my purple polka dot 5 subject notebook.


To top it off I have obscenely colored school supplies but I had to make sure it all kind of went together or else I would go crazy.
Because i'm weird and if things clash I will go crazy.

Like if someone sits in my spot in class, its bad.
You will know this if you've ever had a class with me and sit in my spot.
I pick a spot and stick with it.
Why cant everyone just sit in the same spot every freaking day??

And then if a row of desks that i'm sitting in isn't straight. I have to straighten it or I will get a headache.

But yes I now am fully organized.
Binder with folders for each subject, check.
5 subject notebook. check.
Different color pens and a certain color per class. check
Mechanical pencils.check
And an obscenely large and roomy planner. check

This girl is ready for senior year.

Do not do "things" in Jones

Well my exact words were "Do not get freaky in Jones".

Saturday the third day the new students are on campus.
Well I started the day with one earring, no name tag and a huge cup of coffee.
Got the new students to their talk back about Elephant in the Room.
Realized I didn't have the name tag.
Ran home and found it, you guessed it, on yesterday's shirt.
Because I am so good at my job.

Ran back, got the group from their session where we promptly went to our computer session.
Where the computer decided to be incredibly slow.
And the co leader was not very patient.
Not my favorite thing.

And then we got to go on the great american college campus find your classes tour.
So we went through every building to find their classes.
And we talked and we found classes.
And I gave them some advice.
Like don't wear your key lanyard around your neck.
We all play bingo and pick out the freshman.
ALSO
DO NOT GET FREAKY IN JONES.
Jones hall is the music hall and there are a lot of little practice rooms.
Which seeing as most freshman are sharing rooms they need alone time.
And they are all a bit horny.
So I told them they couldn't get it on in the tiny Jones practice rooms.
Because eww.

After that we sat around, ate some chocolate, answered some more questions.
Then headed over to the football fields for the end of orientation.

And then we had our lunch for orientation leaders and we all said our goodbyes.
I love orientation and will genuinely miss all the people and those in my group.

But I went home, cleaned and took a nap.
AND THEN THE ROOMMATE CAME BACK AND I WAS THE HAPPIEST CAMPER EVER!!

I brought you excessive amounts of sugar so you'll like me

Yes I did that.
Ice cream, chocolate and capri suns.

Still at the end of the day I had probably about a half to a third of what I had in the morning.

Well my day started off early and with a cup of coffee because that is the only way I can handle mornings.
And then I went to school and hoped to god that they would like me.
You know that scene in the parent trap when lindsay lohan is flying to the UK and she says "please let her like me".
I was lindsay lohan.
Hoping to god they didn't totally hate me.

And well I cruised out with the other orientation leaders and set up camp with my capri suns, coffee and my sign 20 and just waited for the new students.

I had quite the group.
And they were a bit rambunctious.
And we only won one round of the skyhawk adventure.
And then we had to do the pick a major thing and then after was lunch.

And after lunch I only really saw like 10-15 of them.
The rest scattered.
Which there was this kind of rambunctious girl who I think didn't really like me. So hopefully she found a group she liked better.

Well we went to the elephant in the room and got to talk through some awkward issues.
Sat down with a professor and ate some ice cream and they got the ins and outs of professors.
And then I told them my story about freshman year and mom being sick and I told them to be kind.

And then it was time to take their class picture and then it was time for convocation.
And they all scattered to the wind.

And I found I take on a southern accent when dealing with crowds.
I was welcoming people to go outside and sit and I just had this crazy southern accent that made Pagina laugh and laugh at my ridiculousness.

And then I went home and slept so well.
I think they liked me well enough.

The new peers arrive

We can't call them babies because its derogatory.
But in my mind they are all babies because they are all the same age as Claire.
And it is not possible that little baby Claire is old enough to be in college.

But Thursday is the first day the new students arrive and there is just this air of panic.
The parents are panicking and the students are panicking and the orientation leaders are fine.
Okay we might be panicking because we all want to be the cool orientation leader and we want to make a good impression.



But I love being all matchy and using the phrase "oh you got the khaki shorts memo too??"
Because we all have to wear those lovely khaki mom shorts and the lovely light blue polo.
Which mine after  3 years has seen some snags and wear.

But all the students are running around like headless chickens.
And we all know that they will be fine.
Well most of them.
Hopefully all.

I should have worn pants

I did wear pants but I wore shorts instead of wearing pants or jeans.

And it decided to be rainy and cold.
And I can mostly deal with that.

But after a while I get grumpy.
And we all know I show my emotions on my face.
So I was not a happy camper when it suddenly decided to seriously rain in the middle of what should be a balmy august.

I put on pants for the first time in a few months that day.

Oh how I had missed my jeans.

Being the typical Colorado girl I thought I could tough it out.
Guess not.

I mean I was fine I was just cold.

So what is the moral of this story.
Bring extra clothing.
Bring pants.
Bring snacks.

Eat all the food.

Dropping eggs and shaving cream hats

So the second day of orientation came and we got to do some activities more than name games.

We started out the day forcibly hugging each other.
Force to forcibly hug each other.
This was another game to wake us up.
And I mean I will hug people and all the good stuff.
But I am not nice in the mornings, and making me do things is not pretty.

So I hugged people.
And then yawned.

Well later that very day we got to make little crafts that were supposed to protect an egg enough so it didn't break.
Like like egg spacecrafts of sorts.

So much fun because our group even though none of us were engineering majors, we still made something that survived.
I know shocking.
Plus it was something new from the previous years.

Then later that day we had this seriously intense like 5 part relay race game thing.
I was in charge of directing our teammate to the correctly colored puzzle pieces and then making this cute from said pieces.
There was Carter and Ian with dolphin  maneuvers.
Haylee and Bailey with shaving cream hats.

And I was perfectly fine.

Trevor got egg all over him and it was hilarious.

But all and all an absolutely lovely second day of orientation.

I have just met you, and I love you

Sorry guys this is not nearly as cute  as you think.
No I am not in love and I think we should all know by now that i'm pretty cautious about that stuff.
But admit it. You only really clicked on this because you thought I was suddenly falling head over heels in love.
HA!No such luck.
And that is totally fine by me!
So all you little daisies that keep popping up and wanting a relationship. Its not happening.
Unless someone comes into my life that is life altering, i'm not dating just to date.

ANYWAYS

So freshman orientation started on Monday August 24th at 9:30 am.

This was my third year in a row doing it and so I was pretty experienced on what all was going to happen.
And each year there always seems to be this feeling of extreme excitement.
Everyone is just so happy to be back with people and to meet new people and quite frankly the entire scene just reminds me of Doug from UP when he meets Mr Frederickson and Russell.

We just turn into a bunch of dogs that are just happy to have some new faces and some companionship.
And yes I was one of those dogs.
And yes it was good to see those people.
Because my summer honestly had been a bit boring and it was good to see some new faces that I hadn't seen in a while and some new ones I hadn't met.

And this may seem super nerdy but I freaking love doing orientation actually.
There are just some friends I never really see through the year until orientation week hits and its like old times again.
I mean I might see them occasionally but not nearly as much as that week.

But yes, orientation started, and it was great.

Whirlwind.

On this particular day I was thrown into a very weird whirlwind of emotions for the smallest thing.

So I was working and on that particular day a relative of my ex unexpectedly came into my store.

Now seeing as his family is from denver and I hadnt seen any of them in over a year I was certainly a bit taken a back when she suddenly came into my store in Durango.

Now I loved his family and we all got along great when we were together.

But its been over a year since i've seen any of them in person and a little less than a year since I talked to him.

We went our separate ways and its hard to just cut ties. 

I mean its becoming less and less that I remember the little things.

And i'm just turning into another person.

He meant a lot to me and his family was part of that meaning.

I mean at one time I thought that some day I would be married to him and those people would be my family.

But when someone walks into your life that you genuinely liked and is attached to someone who at one time meant the world to you, its hard not to feel a rush of emotions and like you are transported back a year ago.

I tried for so long to suppress anything about the relationship and just move on that it just built up pressure and that day it was released.

You sometimes forget that other people move on too.

And it was good to hear that he was doing well.

I hadn't talked to him in quite some time so it was nice to see that he was doing fine too.

And I reconnected with him and it was just nice closure.

I was afraid to start the conversation since I thought it might bring up things I didn't want to deal with at that time.

But I did, and it was okay.

So yes, relationships are hard and scary and they never cease to have little complexities.

But they also have joy.

And it was a joy to hear he was progressing in his life, like I have been, after the break up.

Stop your whistling

So as we all know i'm awkward in general.
And I turn to awkward 5.0 when someone hits on me.
It is not pretty.

But the other day I had a drive by hit on.
Like he legitimately drove by.

I was walking to work from my car.
Just walking down Main ave.
Minding my own business.
Just walking in a cute little sundress.

When this man slows his car that hes driving down the street and whistles at me.
Like he slows down and looks at me and wolf whistles at me from his damn car.

It was the weirdest thing.
Like i've been catcalled, and whistled at.
But to slow your damn car just to whistle is a bit much sir.

So stop your whistling.
I know you just think i'm a fine piece of ass so stop it now.

A drive by wolf whistle session.
So odd.