So I wouldnt typically consider myself all that shy of a person.
I mean I can be quiet and introverted but I can usually strike up a conversation a lot easier now.
Well as you may have guess today at one of my jobs one person congratulated me on being more outgoing because i'm apparently "shy".
I'm not shy. I just have found that I have to keep my mouth shut and head down more often around some of them.
For example today.
I was doing something near the front desk and I had a question about an activity that i'm scheduled for on Wednesday. Called Smoozing.
Do you know what that is or what it means? No? Neither did I so I asked really quick.
So I ask the girls up front because they seem to not be too busy. And its a pretty simple question with a pretty simple answer.
The entire conversation takes maybe 30 seconds.
Then this one girl who is a bit higher up, comes up front, confronts me about asking them a question because apparently "they need to do their work" and shes noticed that I've "had a lot of down time lately and need to keep busy"
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
RANT TIME! FEEL FREE TO SKIP AHEAD!
Now just to preface this job has a lot of little jobs to do. I have a freaking list to do.
And I've grown into what all I need to do in my position.
And they tend to treat me like a small child because i'm new but I can handle this.
The other day after I was done with everything on my list I had to have one of my managers sign off that I did everything.
Like i'm 12 or something.
My mentality is to just let me do my thing and I will get it done. Do not try to micro manage me. It never ends well.
And I have no idea what she was talking about me having "down time", because I hardly ever sit down.
I don't get a break apposed to her.
I'm always on my feet doing something and running around.
And then to get up from the back just to tell me to not bother them like I was a freaking pest.
They were not doing anything all that pressing and I just had a quick question.
And she didn't have to confront me in front of those girls and make me look like a complete idiot.
I have barely talked to the girls all morning which is super hard for me to do because I like to check in with people.
But I guess I just need to focus on my work and that's it.
Can't be social for even a minute.
It just annoys me when people assume things with out all the facts.
Like assuming that i'm lazy when I have clearly been working my little ass off all morning.
And what gets me is that she embarrassed me in front of those girls which I would never do anything like that because I hate it when people do it to me.
And assuming i'm shy because if I talk that's being lazy, and quite frankly its been so hard trying to make friends at that place.
The guys are wonderful.
The girls are hit or miss.
Lainey, Whitney and Carter. Consistently nice.
The rest its a crap shoot.
But after all of this I went for a walk and tried to clear my head.
I went down the animas river trail for a bit and sat on a bench and talked out some of my emotions.
Remind myself that I am appreciated else where.
That I have friends that care.
That I have a family that loves and supports me.
I let my hair down for the first time all day and let the wind lace through it.
I love that feeling.
And I tried to let go of some of the negativity that had happened that day.
And i'm doing better.
So dear reader, always think before you speak and never assume.
Always be the more polite one.
And kill them with kindness.
Monday, June 29, 2015
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Something greater
Now I don't want to get full on religious on here because that can get a bit hairy.
If you would like to know my full belief system and my weird little quirks there is a blog entitled "Take me to Church".
Go check that out.
But long story short I do believe in a higher and larger presence that sometimes has a odd way of showing us how to live.
Coincidences.
Things that just sort of happen out of the blue.
Signs.
My mom and family believe that certain things are signs or signals of something.
In the case of my mom she believes that whenever you see a hawk its her dad watching over us.
We don't kill spiders because its bad karma.
And we believe that our souls choose the bodies of families that need us most.
That is just us.
A mix of reincarnation, souls, open minded Christianity and love.
But somethings have just sort of fallen into place lately.
Today at There's No Place Like Home, one of my coworkers, Matt that works at the White Dragon Tea Room randomly came up to me and told me out of the blue that I "had a strong presence".
No prompting whatsoever. Just came up and said that.
Now for those of you that know me well know that I struggle with loving myself quite a bit.
But its become a bit less of a battle lately.
I have in fact become stronger.
My confidence in myself and my self worth has risen.
I think in part by being confident in my solidarity and in that I have unknowingly surrounded myself with good people that genuinely care.
But strength, has never always been a quality of mine.
But just recently its grown inside of me like a small still plant of sorts.
I hold my head a bit higher than I did before.
Anyways it just seemed a bit too weird because the night before I had taken myself on a sushi date. And that was a sign of strength for me.
That I was confident enough in myself to not worry about what others were thinking about me whilst I sat alone.
I embraced my strength.
And to add to it a few hours later I reconnect after a few weeks with a beloved friend that has been going through quite the battle with cancer.
And we had a brief update and it was just so good to see how this person was doing.
They still have that fire in their eyes which was such a comfort to me to know that they are doing well.
I may have teared up a little bit when I saw that even though their appearance was changed, I could still see their old self inside. They hadn't been broken by any of this. Their strength showed through the hell they had been through.
But at that moment I found that there must be some greater force, guiding all of this.
The human body is known for being able to endure quite a bit of trauma but the resiliency of a human soul.
Mental strength is almost more impressive than physical strength.
I seriously think that with the right mentality you can accomplish anything.
So here is to you, dear reader for your inner strength.
And even though you might not believe in the possibility of a God or a higher being, just maybe dabble in it for a second.
Maybe there is something up there looking out for all of us.
If you would like to know my full belief system and my weird little quirks there is a blog entitled "Take me to Church".
Go check that out.
But long story short I do believe in a higher and larger presence that sometimes has a odd way of showing us how to live.
Coincidences.
Things that just sort of happen out of the blue.
Signs.
My mom and family believe that certain things are signs or signals of something.
In the case of my mom she believes that whenever you see a hawk its her dad watching over us.
We don't kill spiders because its bad karma.
And we believe that our souls choose the bodies of families that need us most.
That is just us.
A mix of reincarnation, souls, open minded Christianity and love.
But somethings have just sort of fallen into place lately.
Today at There's No Place Like Home, one of my coworkers, Matt that works at the White Dragon Tea Room randomly came up to me and told me out of the blue that I "had a strong presence".
No prompting whatsoever. Just came up and said that.
Now for those of you that know me well know that I struggle with loving myself quite a bit.
But its become a bit less of a battle lately.
I have in fact become stronger.
My confidence in myself and my self worth has risen.
I think in part by being confident in my solidarity and in that I have unknowingly surrounded myself with good people that genuinely care.
But strength, has never always been a quality of mine.
But just recently its grown inside of me like a small still plant of sorts.
I hold my head a bit higher than I did before.
Anyways it just seemed a bit too weird because the night before I had taken myself on a sushi date. And that was a sign of strength for me.
That I was confident enough in myself to not worry about what others were thinking about me whilst I sat alone.
I embraced my strength.
And to add to it a few hours later I reconnect after a few weeks with a beloved friend that has been going through quite the battle with cancer.
And we had a brief update and it was just so good to see how this person was doing.
They still have that fire in their eyes which was such a comfort to me to know that they are doing well.
I may have teared up a little bit when I saw that even though their appearance was changed, I could still see their old self inside. They hadn't been broken by any of this. Their strength showed through the hell they had been through.
But at that moment I found that there must be some greater force, guiding all of this.
The human body is known for being able to endure quite a bit of trauma but the resiliency of a human soul.
Mental strength is almost more impressive than physical strength.
I seriously think that with the right mentality you can accomplish anything.
So here is to you, dear reader for your inner strength.
And even though you might not believe in the possibility of a God or a higher being, just maybe dabble in it for a second.
Maybe there is something up there looking out for all of us.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Lonely eyes
Being alone.
Finding happiness in yourself.
There is strength in solidarity.
That has been one of the hardest things for me to realize in this past year.
That I need to make myself happy all by myself.
That my happiness shouldn't depend on another person.
And I think that's the biggest thing that tore me apart last summer.
My happiness was all bottled up in a relationship and one other person.
And when that fell apart I thought in order to be happy I needed to attach myself again to another person.
But that's not always the case.
Actually that never works out well.
That person meant something to you and you need to heal.
In order to actually progress as a person you cannot relationship hop with out some major repercussions.
If you want to be happy, you need to know what its like to make yourself happy with out the aid of anyone else.
You need to be able to make yourself happy and pick yourself up with out the help of anyone else.
You need to be self sufficient.
And today I think I proved to myself that I am just fine all by myself.
I went out to dinner all by myself.
With the mentality that being alone is fine.
I called Claire before I went and told her this and she said I needed to find someone.
And you know what, I didn't.
I found a friend at the restaurant, but I was perfectly fine sitting by myself with my book.
I do not need someone else to tell me how beautiful, funny, intelligent or kind I am.
I can handle being alone.
I can fricken handle being alone.
A year ago I would not have been able to walk in anywhere by myself.
I would have needed to have someone with me to go grocery shopping, or run errands or go out anywhere.
I would have needed someone because that would have fueled that I was a wanted individual.
I was liked enough to have someone tag along.
But I've found recently that the human race can be a bit fickle, and that quite frankly i'm pretty OK in my own mind.
I may be going full on hermit here.
But to those that think that going alone or being alone is scary.
Try it out.
There is strength in being alone.
I thought for the longest time that I was an anomaly because I had trouble with relationships and couldn't hold onto one.
But I think what I wanted was to be loved.
To find someone to fill in the gaps that I didn't like about myself.
But you shouldn't set out looking for someone to love you.
You have to love yourself first.
And I hope someday i'll find someone that will love my flaws that I don't love all that much.
But for now, this single girl is fine being single.
There is no pressing need to find someone and say I love you and get engaged, married, have babies and live happily ever after.
There's time for all those things and I want to do it right.
So I will wait.
And i'll fix myself up, so that the gaps in the places where I don't like myself as much are a bit smaller.
So my lonely eyes are not lonely at all.
I am strong.
I do not need to have someone with me to feel wanted.
Sure its nice to have people along but I will not depend on it.
I will depend on myself.
Bring it on world.
This girl is just fine by herself for the first time in years.
Finding happiness in yourself.
There is strength in solidarity.
That has been one of the hardest things for me to realize in this past year.
That I need to make myself happy all by myself.
That my happiness shouldn't depend on another person.
And I think that's the biggest thing that tore me apart last summer.
My happiness was all bottled up in a relationship and one other person.
And when that fell apart I thought in order to be happy I needed to attach myself again to another person.
But that's not always the case.
Actually that never works out well.
That person meant something to you and you need to heal.
In order to actually progress as a person you cannot relationship hop with out some major repercussions.
If you want to be happy, you need to know what its like to make yourself happy with out the aid of anyone else.
You need to be able to make yourself happy and pick yourself up with out the help of anyone else.
You need to be self sufficient.
And today I think I proved to myself that I am just fine all by myself.
I went out to dinner all by myself.
With the mentality that being alone is fine.
I called Claire before I went and told her this and she said I needed to find someone.
And you know what, I didn't.
I found a friend at the restaurant, but I was perfectly fine sitting by myself with my book.
I do not need someone else to tell me how beautiful, funny, intelligent or kind I am.
I can handle being alone.
I can fricken handle being alone.
A year ago I would not have been able to walk in anywhere by myself.
I would have needed to have someone with me to go grocery shopping, or run errands or go out anywhere.
I would have needed someone because that would have fueled that I was a wanted individual.
I was liked enough to have someone tag along.
But I've found recently that the human race can be a bit fickle, and that quite frankly i'm pretty OK in my own mind.
I may be going full on hermit here.
But to those that think that going alone or being alone is scary.
Try it out.
There is strength in being alone.
I thought for the longest time that I was an anomaly because I had trouble with relationships and couldn't hold onto one.
But I think what I wanted was to be loved.
To find someone to fill in the gaps that I didn't like about myself.
But you shouldn't set out looking for someone to love you.
You have to love yourself first.
And I hope someday i'll find someone that will love my flaws that I don't love all that much.
But for now, this single girl is fine being single.
There is no pressing need to find someone and say I love you and get engaged, married, have babies and live happily ever after.
There's time for all those things and I want to do it right.
So I will wait.
And i'll fix myself up, so that the gaps in the places where I don't like myself as much are a bit smaller.
So my lonely eyes are not lonely at all.
I am strong.
I do not need to have someone with me to feel wanted.
Sure its nice to have people along but I will not depend on it.
I will depend on myself.
Bring it on world.
This girl is just fine by herself for the first time in years.
I don't care that you don't celebrate half birthdays or that you think i'm silly because I do, I will eat my darn cake because IT'S MY HALF BIRTHDAY AND I WILL CELEBRATE!
Its OK guys i'm just being sassy.
But half birthdays, come on.
We can't be the only family in the world that celebrates half birthdays.
I think it started because my birthday is the day after Christmas and I get so much stuff during that time of the year that we wanted to break it up a bit.
So half birthdays.
Half way between one birthday and another.
So I am officially 21.5 years old.
How bout them apples?
This time last year Bri had just passed away and I had gotten my Alex and Ani bracelet that has a motorcycle on it to remind me of her.
Crazy summer last summer.
But this summer has been better thank god.
So yesterday I had the full day off and I took full advantage of it.
I went to the "beach".
Packed up my tiny osprey backpack with snacks, sunscreen, some books and anything else I could need.
And my wonderful mama sent me an itty bitty cake to eat since usually on your half birthday you either get a pie or half a cake.
Since i'm away she sent me my own little cake.
So there I am laying out on the "beach" with all my stuff.
A few other visitors come by and then I spy some M2W rafts come by and it just so happens one of my favorite guides Sam is in one of them.
I say hi and he comes over and I go for a little ride with Sam before he rafts away.
Sam pointed out one day that the way I stand with my hips is either the pregnant lady stance or the my back hurts stance.
Neither of those things are true so I've been trying to change the way I stand.
Anyways after a while Deanna and her friend whose name is evading me right now show up.
Now Deanna does not believe in half birthdays but I've been trying to convert her.
We decide to go and get lunch I get pickle chips and a raspberry sunset.
Now two bad things happened.
I ordered and ate an entire thing of pickle chips
And
They were out of lemonade which is part of a raspberry sunset so they replaced it with lemon vodka.
Super strong and I was a bit tipsy after so I hung out down town for a bit for a few hours, eating other food and drinking lots of water plus as big glass of blueberry matcha from the tea room.
All sobered up, I promise mom, and Casey can attest to my sobriety, and I went home and slept.
So before I went to the beach I slathered on sunscreen literally everywhere.
But I was laying on my back and my towel rubbed it off so my back is bright red, but no where else.
So I've covered myself in aloe vera which is very hard to get every nook and cranny of your back by yourself and don't have I don't know an amazing roommate. I MISS YOU ANNAMARIE!
So I spent the rest of the night relaxing and slathering aloe vera between drinking tons of water.
I wish I was home but it was a pretty OK half birthday even though I wasn't with some of my favorite people.
But half birthdays, come on.
We can't be the only family in the world that celebrates half birthdays.
I think it started because my birthday is the day after Christmas and I get so much stuff during that time of the year that we wanted to break it up a bit.
So half birthdays.
Half way between one birthday and another.
So I am officially 21.5 years old.
How bout them apples?
This time last year Bri had just passed away and I had gotten my Alex and Ani bracelet that has a motorcycle on it to remind me of her.
Crazy summer last summer.
But this summer has been better thank god.
So yesterday I had the full day off and I took full advantage of it.
I went to the "beach".
Packed up my tiny osprey backpack with snacks, sunscreen, some books and anything else I could need.
And my wonderful mama sent me an itty bitty cake to eat since usually on your half birthday you either get a pie or half a cake.
Since i'm away she sent me my own little cake.
So there I am laying out on the "beach" with all my stuff.
A few other visitors come by and then I spy some M2W rafts come by and it just so happens one of my favorite guides Sam is in one of them.
I say hi and he comes over and I go for a little ride with Sam before he rafts away.
Sam pointed out one day that the way I stand with my hips is either the pregnant lady stance or the my back hurts stance.
Neither of those things are true so I've been trying to change the way I stand.
Anyways after a while Deanna and her friend whose name is evading me right now show up.
Now Deanna does not believe in half birthdays but I've been trying to convert her.
We decide to go and get lunch I get pickle chips and a raspberry sunset.
Now two bad things happened.
I ordered and ate an entire thing of pickle chips
And
They were out of lemonade which is part of a raspberry sunset so they replaced it with lemon vodka.
Super strong and I was a bit tipsy after so I hung out down town for a bit for a few hours, eating other food and drinking lots of water plus as big glass of blueberry matcha from the tea room.
All sobered up, I promise mom, and Casey can attest to my sobriety, and I went home and slept.
So before I went to the beach I slathered on sunscreen literally everywhere.
But I was laying on my back and my towel rubbed it off so my back is bright red, but no where else.
So I've covered myself in aloe vera which is very hard to get every nook and cranny of your back by yourself and don't have I don't know an amazing roommate. I MISS YOU ANNAMARIE!
So I spent the rest of the night relaxing and slathering aloe vera between drinking tons of water.
I wish I was home but it was a pretty OK half birthday even though I wasn't with some of my favorite people.
Start planning. We only have 6 months until Christmas!
PANIC!
Just kidding you have a while before you really need to panic.
But I was telling guests at M2W that the other day and I could see the moms panic slightly.
Is it weird to celebrate things like half Christmas?
Maybe that's just us.
Crazy swedes with our midsommar celebrations.
I like summer because of the weather and I get to wear sundresses.
My all time favorite piece of clothing.
But Christmas is hard for me.
I have to get in the Christmas mood.
And I always want snow.
But that doesn't always happen.
Like ever.
Well occasionally.
And then there is always finals and gifts and family stuff.
And I never really feel like I do my best on getting gifts for those I care about because I just don't have time.
So its like a few days before Christmas when I finally get home and Claire, Dad and I are weaving through the crowds at the mall.
Not how I imagined getting Christmas presents.
When we were little I have this distinct memory of going to 16th street mall a few weeks before Christmas and it was snowing and we got brats with sauerkraut and there were horse drawn carriages and we went shopping.
That was a good Christmas.
But its become so commercialized and big and stressful.
I wish we could go back to simpler times.
When you got someone a gift because you cared about them not because you had to.
And it was a genuine gift and not something you randomly picked out.
Well we have less than 6 months.
So just start making the list of people you care about.
And their gifts.
ONLY 6 MONTHS!
Just kidding you have a while before you really need to panic.
But I was telling guests at M2W that the other day and I could see the moms panic slightly.
Is it weird to celebrate things like half Christmas?
Maybe that's just us.
Crazy swedes with our midsommar celebrations.
I like summer because of the weather and I get to wear sundresses.
My all time favorite piece of clothing.
But Christmas is hard for me.
I have to get in the Christmas mood.
And I always want snow.
But that doesn't always happen.
Like ever.
Well occasionally.
And then there is always finals and gifts and family stuff.
And I never really feel like I do my best on getting gifts for those I care about because I just don't have time.
So its like a few days before Christmas when I finally get home and Claire, Dad and I are weaving through the crowds at the mall.
Not how I imagined getting Christmas presents.
When we were little I have this distinct memory of going to 16th street mall a few weeks before Christmas and it was snowing and we got brats with sauerkraut and there were horse drawn carriages and we went shopping.
That was a good Christmas.
But its become so commercialized and big and stressful.
I wish we could go back to simpler times.
When you got someone a gift because you cared about them not because you had to.
And it was a genuine gift and not something you randomly picked out.
Well we have less than 6 months.
So just start making the list of people you care about.
And their gifts.
ONLY 6 MONTHS!
Thursday, June 25, 2015
"You're in COLLEGE?!?"
Gotta love what some of the visitors kids say to me.
I like to get to know them a bit before they go on their trips.
And one family with a particularly rambunctious 8 year old commented on that I am in college.
I know, still throws me off sometimes that I have a 2 in the tens place holder instead of a 1
And that i'm supposed to be an adult
And that i'm in college.
Even though i'm going into my senior year...
What. The. Hell.
Don't worry i'm just having an existential crisis.
But really working at Mild to Wild isn't too bad.
Except for a catty female or two.
Maybe a person in a position of authority that likes to loom over my shoulder.
And the occasional stinky but oh so cute raft guide.
It's not too bad.
I like getting to know people and families even though briefly
And being the person handing out the otter pops before the 2:00 trip leaves automatically makes you popular and you get to know guests and guides alike.
I just want to get on nickname level.
They haven't figured one out for me yet, but I feel if i get to know more and more of the staff and guides they will all convene sometime soon, vote on the most attractive, accurate, witty and cute one and then present me with a plague with my nickname on it.
Not Julie for the love of god.
Actually it'll maybe happen sometime this summer if we are lucky.
The best of the staff have nicknames...so therefore I would like one too.
But yes the visitors are fun.
The other day as i'm getting off work at my other job I see a family that I helped the day prior.
And they recognize me.
And it was funny and sweet because you just think you pass in and out of these peoples lives and they forget about you.
But they didn't.
And I liked that.
So maybe working two jobs is crazy, and I don't have much time for myself...
But hell i'm single, so I have no one that is too pressing to spend time with on a regular basis besides Deanna and Carter.
I like having money and being an independent woman.
So if I want to buy a new dress I can.
Pick up the check I can.
Take myself out on a single girl sushi date I can.
But yes little boy, I am in college oddly enough.
I like to get to know them a bit before they go on their trips.
And one family with a particularly rambunctious 8 year old commented on that I am in college.
I know, still throws me off sometimes that I have a 2 in the tens place holder instead of a 1
And that i'm supposed to be an adult
And that i'm in college.
Even though i'm going into my senior year...
What. The. Hell.
Don't worry i'm just having an existential crisis.
But really working at Mild to Wild isn't too bad.
Except for a catty female or two.
Maybe a person in a position of authority that likes to loom over my shoulder.
And the occasional stinky but oh so cute raft guide.
It's not too bad.
I like getting to know people and families even though briefly
And being the person handing out the otter pops before the 2:00 trip leaves automatically makes you popular and you get to know guests and guides alike.
I just want to get on nickname level.
They haven't figured one out for me yet, but I feel if i get to know more and more of the staff and guides they will all convene sometime soon, vote on the most attractive, accurate, witty and cute one and then present me with a plague with my nickname on it.
Not Julie for the love of god.
Actually it'll maybe happen sometime this summer if we are lucky.
The best of the staff have nicknames...so therefore I would like one too.
But yes the visitors are fun.
The other day as i'm getting off work at my other job I see a family that I helped the day prior.
And they recognize me.
And it was funny and sweet because you just think you pass in and out of these peoples lives and they forget about you.
But they didn't.
And I liked that.
So maybe working two jobs is crazy, and I don't have much time for myself...
But hell i'm single, so I have no one that is too pressing to spend time with on a regular basis besides Deanna and Carter.
I like having money and being an independent woman.
So if I want to buy a new dress I can.
Pick up the check I can.
Take myself out on a single girl sushi date I can.
But yes little boy, I am in college oddly enough.
Well, there were no tears today at least
I have found that having a massive and filling breakfast seriously helps.
So for all you crazy weirdos that think you are too cool or do not have time for breakfast.
Take this piece of advice from an emotional roller coaster.
On Monday I messed up my make up because a girl was mean to me on a minuscule thing and I had a smaller breakfast.
The next day I had a good breakfast and I planned ahead and I was fine.
No tears.
No Soltal shots.
Just a bigger breakfast and a tougher spine.
Plus I got a hug from one of my coworkers Casey who doesn't really hug so that was an accomplishment in my eyes.
Getting a non hugger to willingly hug a hot mess of a girl who is a hugger is a big deal.
But after having two of your good friends call you the night before and cheer you up.
And then calling mommy and talking with her I came back to work, kept my head down, and I fricken got shit done.
So there!
I get knocked down but I get up again.
So there world!
Try to break me!
So for all you crazy weirdos that think you are too cool or do not have time for breakfast.
Take this piece of advice from an emotional roller coaster.
On Monday I messed up my make up because a girl was mean to me on a minuscule thing and I had a smaller breakfast.
The next day I had a good breakfast and I planned ahead and I was fine.
No tears.
No Soltal shots.
Just a bigger breakfast and a tougher spine.
Plus I got a hug from one of my coworkers Casey who doesn't really hug so that was an accomplishment in my eyes.
Getting a non hugger to willingly hug a hot mess of a girl who is a hugger is a big deal.
But after having two of your good friends call you the night before and cheer you up.
And then calling mommy and talking with her I came back to work, kept my head down, and I fricken got shit done.
So there!
I get knocked down but I get up again.
So there world!
Try to break me!
Monday, June 22, 2015
On a scale from 1 to nature valley granola bar...
How much is your life falling apart?
Currently i'm at about i'd say a 7 or 8,
Today at both works I did not win at all.
I'm still learning all the kinks for both since I've started both at pretty much the same time.
And one of my coworkers at one of the places was a bit cranky with me today.
And I don't take that well like ever.
And there may have been tears.
Because I am the definition of a hot mess.
And I overreacted.
And it was bad.
And then after that I went to my other job and I somehow didn't get the memo about no shorts.
Go figure.
Julia not getting something, yeah happens all the time...
Well the last few times I've worked there I've worn dresses or a skirt.
I assumed, which you should never assume, that I could wear these shorts.
No such luck.
Now the other place I work is an upscale boutique so I just didn't fully think my outfit through.
And you are supposed to look nice.
Which I completely understand and respect.
Just forgot that shorts might not be appropriate.
So I had to find something else to wear which was ok because there are ton of cute things for me to wear instead.
But today was 0/2
HOWEVER!
I got a sweet little carnation bunch from one of my coworks Lani and now I just have to pass on the act of kindness.
And after that hell of a day I was at the grocery store, looking like a hot mess and with my RBF on, and this random guy comes up to me and says that I look pretty.
Certainly did not expect that because my make up was all messed and you know how after you cry your mascara is never really the same for the rest of the day.
And i'm just hot and sweaty because its been a long hot day.
And he thinks I look pretty.
.
..
...
..
.
Yeah I'm not sure what he was seeing...
I should just go find that guy and marry him.
And a big thank you to my wonderful roommate, my best friend Nick and my momma for the encouraging words.
Plus my coworkers for the hugs.
Tomorrow will be better
Currently i'm at about i'd say a 7 or 8,
Today at both works I did not win at all.
I'm still learning all the kinks for both since I've started both at pretty much the same time.
And one of my coworkers at one of the places was a bit cranky with me today.
And I don't take that well like ever.
And there may have been tears.
Because I am the definition of a hot mess.
And I overreacted.
And it was bad.
And then after that I went to my other job and I somehow didn't get the memo about no shorts.
Go figure.
Julia not getting something, yeah happens all the time...
Well the last few times I've worked there I've worn dresses or a skirt.
I assumed, which you should never assume, that I could wear these shorts.
No such luck.
Now the other place I work is an upscale boutique so I just didn't fully think my outfit through.
And you are supposed to look nice.
Which I completely understand and respect.
Just forgot that shorts might not be appropriate.
So I had to find something else to wear which was ok because there are ton of cute things for me to wear instead.
But today was 0/2
HOWEVER!
I got a sweet little carnation bunch from one of my coworks Lani and now I just have to pass on the act of kindness.
And after that hell of a day I was at the grocery store, looking like a hot mess and with my RBF on, and this random guy comes up to me and says that I look pretty.
Certainly did not expect that because my make up was all messed and you know how after you cry your mascara is never really the same for the rest of the day.
And i'm just hot and sweaty because its been a long hot day.
And he thinks I look pretty.
.
..
...
..
.
Yeah I'm not sure what he was seeing...
I should just go find that guy and marry him.
And a big thank you to my wonderful roommate, my best friend Nick and my momma for the encouraging words.
Plus my coworkers for the hugs.
Tomorrow will be better
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Daddy
I know everyone always says their dad is the best, but i'm here to prove mine actually is.
I came into this world on December 26th 1993.
Ever since that day I have had my dad wrapped ever so tightly around my little finger.
For the next 18 months or so neither of my parents got much sleep because I didn't sleep because
A- I had open heart surgery and didn't feel well. Imagine that.
B- I'm a diva and bit of a difficult child
C- I slept between the two of them during that time because I refused to sleep in a crib.
So there wasn't much sleep those first few years of Julia Grace Volzke.
Owen was a bit of an easier child in that aspect that he actually slept a bit more and in his own bed.
After his first few years of life he got a little more difficult.
And I just stayed a pretty consistent difficult.
Claire has always been easy. Typical third child.
I have amazing parents and I love both of them equally.
They both fill different aspects in my life that I need.
I'm close with both but there is just something about Dad.
My mom and I are similar. Like if you start listing some of the things we are alike in,
Such as - middle children, brown eyes, hard on ourselves, strengths in the same areas of school, fighters, we have both been close with our dads, its hard for us to say no.
And on and on..
But you know how they say opposites attract?
Dad and I are different so we play off those differences.
My Dad taught me how to ride a bike in the Stott parking lot.
Running behind me as I tried not to fall off my pink and purple sparkly bike.
He also embarked upon the journey of doing Dads and Daughters which was an extra dance class where get this us daughters were paired with our dads and taught a dance.
Saturday mornings for like 3 months before the recital for three consecutive years he learned the dance.
Now dad isnt particularly known for being a great dancer, but he freaking loved every minute.
And then when it was Claires turn to do it, he did that too!
Best partner i've ever had to dance with.
And in middle school he was the chaperone for our 8th grade Taos trip.
A van full of moody girls and he handled it like a champ.
And when high school hit he was at every band competition, every band concert, every musical and every football game to support the band.
He was a pit dad so pretty much he just helped move all the equipment onto the field.
Come on a former raft guide, high school athlete and engineer this was a perfect job for him to help out with for band.
He was never musically inclined as a kid. I got that gene from my mom. But he loved supporting our music in any way possible.
He always cheered the loudest at the end of the show.
I could tell.
And you could always spot him because he was sporting, purple camo pants and he also had a pair of purple high top converse that came out occasionally.
And after every parade and show after we got changed I'd run up and get the biggest hug from him.
Always so proud and telling me how great I did.
He'd always say "Good job number 1"
Now I always thought Owen was number 1 because hes the first child and so academically gifted and we were always fighting to be the best.
But at that moment, I was the best.
When it went off to college Mom had just been diagnosed and I knew she would be ok because she had my dad to help in any way possible.
When she had her double mastectomy with reconstruction he was there by her side every step of the day. Helping her anyway possible.
Dad just knows what people need sometimes and thats a great talent to have.
When I was first learning to drive he took me to downtown denver on a friday night during rush hour.
It was a disaster and I started crying, but dad snapped me out of it.
Afterwards we went to go and get some pie.
Thats what he does, pushes you to your limit and then takes you back and gives you a hug to make it all better again.
He pushed me that night and then knew that pie was what I needed after.
He's always been a man of not many words. He tends to hang back and observe. He is a man of action. When something needs to be done it gets done.
I mean if he feels the kitchen needs to be mopped theres been plenty of morning where I have come down and found it freshly mopped from him getting up early and doing it.
He's a man of his word.
Often times when i'm home we will just go run errands together to like Ace Hardware (which is pretty much his favorite place ever) and talk or sit in silence.
Words carry a lot of weight in his mind and I feel like I can talk to him and he's actually really listening to me intently.
It could be anything from boys, to school to bassoon reeds or politics and religion, we still can discuss it.
He has always pushed me to be better and go for the stars.
If he could make something happen for us he would.
He has always worked hard to provide for our family and open any opportunities and experiences that we could have.
He got the current job hes had for the past 18 years by dropping off a thank you note after the interview. They were originally not going to give it to him because he wasn't experienced in that field but after he did that they saw how committed he was and he got the job.
And I got one of my current jobs by doing the exact same thing.
College was never a question for us. We just knew we were going to go and it would be ok. Let the parents figure out the details.
I've always admired that in him.
Nothing is too high for my 6"1' dad.
And I am extremely grateful and lucky to be blessed into a family and a world that has taken care of me and loved me so much.
I'm not exactly the easiest person to love so knowing that you have this constant support even though it may not always be deserved has helped me in leaps in bounds in confidence and going after my dreams.
I think I told him my dream to work for Darling magazine someday, and he supports me in whatever I decide to pursue.
Also its hard for me to find love because every man I seek I compare to my dad.
He was the first man I ever loved and its just hard to measure up to the perfect dad when you are a daddy's girl.
I see how my parents treat each other and I want to find someone that treats me like my dad treats my mom.
This may sound weird but if you knew my parents you would completely understand where i'm coming from.
I have very high standards because they are based on my dad.
So I will not settle for anything less than a man that is an absolute prince like my dad.
Also hes pretty much the only person in the family that I guess supports my obsession with princess stuff.
Like in Germany while we were visiting this old medieval castle he was the one that took the picture of me in front of the castle with my tiara.
The rest of the family was too embarrassed to be seen with me, but not dad.
He may not understand why I love disney princesses so much, but he loves me enough to love me because of it.
My parents always both wanted kids and each of us I think has filled a different niche in each of their hearts.
Owen was the typical rough and tumble boy but when I was born it was something totally different and same with Claire.
I can tell Dad never just wanted one gender of children.
He loves being the father of a son and two daughters.
And I love that half of my DNA has come from a man as generous and kind as he is.
We may not share much in common but we do have the same hearty laugh which I love.
Thanks dad for loving me even when i'm prickly and unlovable.
You are the best Dad a girl could ever wish for.
Here's to many more fathers days ahead!
I came into this world on December 26th 1993.
Ever since that day I have had my dad wrapped ever so tightly around my little finger.
For the next 18 months or so neither of my parents got much sleep because I didn't sleep because
A- I had open heart surgery and didn't feel well. Imagine that.
B- I'm a diva and bit of a difficult child
C- I slept between the two of them during that time because I refused to sleep in a crib.
So there wasn't much sleep those first few years of Julia Grace Volzke.
Owen was a bit of an easier child in that aspect that he actually slept a bit more and in his own bed.
After his first few years of life he got a little more difficult.
And I just stayed a pretty consistent difficult.
Claire has always been easy. Typical third child.
I have amazing parents and I love both of them equally.
They both fill different aspects in my life that I need.
I'm close with both but there is just something about Dad.
My mom and I are similar. Like if you start listing some of the things we are alike in,
Such as - middle children, brown eyes, hard on ourselves, strengths in the same areas of school, fighters, we have both been close with our dads, its hard for us to say no.
And on and on..
But you know how they say opposites attract?
Dad and I are different so we play off those differences.
My Dad taught me how to ride a bike in the Stott parking lot.
Running behind me as I tried not to fall off my pink and purple sparkly bike.
He also embarked upon the journey of doing Dads and Daughters which was an extra dance class where get this us daughters were paired with our dads and taught a dance.
Saturday mornings for like 3 months before the recital for three consecutive years he learned the dance.
Now dad isnt particularly known for being a great dancer, but he freaking loved every minute.
And then when it was Claires turn to do it, he did that too!
Best partner i've ever had to dance with.
And in middle school he was the chaperone for our 8th grade Taos trip.
A van full of moody girls and he handled it like a champ.
And when high school hit he was at every band competition, every band concert, every musical and every football game to support the band.
He was a pit dad so pretty much he just helped move all the equipment onto the field.
Come on a former raft guide, high school athlete and engineer this was a perfect job for him to help out with for band.
He was never musically inclined as a kid. I got that gene from my mom. But he loved supporting our music in any way possible.
He always cheered the loudest at the end of the show.
I could tell.
And you could always spot him because he was sporting, purple camo pants and he also had a pair of purple high top converse that came out occasionally.
And after every parade and show after we got changed I'd run up and get the biggest hug from him.
Always so proud and telling me how great I did.
He'd always say "Good job number 1"
Now I always thought Owen was number 1 because hes the first child and so academically gifted and we were always fighting to be the best.
But at that moment, I was the best.
When it went off to college Mom had just been diagnosed and I knew she would be ok because she had my dad to help in any way possible.
When she had her double mastectomy with reconstruction he was there by her side every step of the day. Helping her anyway possible.
Dad just knows what people need sometimes and thats a great talent to have.
When I was first learning to drive he took me to downtown denver on a friday night during rush hour.
It was a disaster and I started crying, but dad snapped me out of it.
Afterwards we went to go and get some pie.
Thats what he does, pushes you to your limit and then takes you back and gives you a hug to make it all better again.
He pushed me that night and then knew that pie was what I needed after.
He's always been a man of not many words. He tends to hang back and observe. He is a man of action. When something needs to be done it gets done.
I mean if he feels the kitchen needs to be mopped theres been plenty of morning where I have come down and found it freshly mopped from him getting up early and doing it.
He's a man of his word.
Often times when i'm home we will just go run errands together to like Ace Hardware (which is pretty much his favorite place ever) and talk or sit in silence.
Words carry a lot of weight in his mind and I feel like I can talk to him and he's actually really listening to me intently.
It could be anything from boys, to school to bassoon reeds or politics and religion, we still can discuss it.
He has always pushed me to be better and go for the stars.
If he could make something happen for us he would.
He has always worked hard to provide for our family and open any opportunities and experiences that we could have.
He got the current job hes had for the past 18 years by dropping off a thank you note after the interview. They were originally not going to give it to him because he wasn't experienced in that field but after he did that they saw how committed he was and he got the job.
And I got one of my current jobs by doing the exact same thing.
College was never a question for us. We just knew we were going to go and it would be ok. Let the parents figure out the details.
I've always admired that in him.
Nothing is too high for my 6"1' dad.
And I am extremely grateful and lucky to be blessed into a family and a world that has taken care of me and loved me so much.
I'm not exactly the easiest person to love so knowing that you have this constant support even though it may not always be deserved has helped me in leaps in bounds in confidence and going after my dreams.
I think I told him my dream to work for Darling magazine someday, and he supports me in whatever I decide to pursue.
Also its hard for me to find love because every man I seek I compare to my dad.
He was the first man I ever loved and its just hard to measure up to the perfect dad when you are a daddy's girl.
I see how my parents treat each other and I want to find someone that treats me like my dad treats my mom.
This may sound weird but if you knew my parents you would completely understand where i'm coming from.
I have very high standards because they are based on my dad.
So I will not settle for anything less than a man that is an absolute prince like my dad.
Also hes pretty much the only person in the family that I guess supports my obsession with princess stuff.
Like in Germany while we were visiting this old medieval castle he was the one that took the picture of me in front of the castle with my tiara.
The rest of the family was too embarrassed to be seen with me, but not dad.
He may not understand why I love disney princesses so much, but he loves me enough to love me because of it.
My parents always both wanted kids and each of us I think has filled a different niche in each of their hearts.
Owen was the typical rough and tumble boy but when I was born it was something totally different and same with Claire.
I can tell Dad never just wanted one gender of children.
He loves being the father of a son and two daughters.
And I love that half of my DNA has come from a man as generous and kind as he is.
We may not share much in common but we do have the same hearty laugh which I love.
Thanks dad for loving me even when i'm prickly and unlovable.
You are the best Dad a girl could ever wish for.
Here's to many more fathers days ahead!
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Yes, I am in bed at 9:30 on a Saturday night.
Sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
And this girl needed to get off her feet, relax and go to bed so she actually gets some sleep.
This whole getting up at 7 to get to work at 8:30 has been rough.
And not pretty.
I come in to work with another cup of coffee after i've just downed one.
I am not nice in the morning.
And then everyone else wants to go out and have fun and i'm just over here like "i'm taking a nap, see you in a few days".
I can deal with being tired sort of, but being hungry is another level of cranky.
But tired and hungry equals scary dragon lady.
I am trying not to be a scary dragon lady at both works...
And damn I forgot how much my calves hurt after a day of standing.
I literally came home.
Ate dinner.
And took a freaking bath when today there was a high of 91.
91 degrees.
too hot for a bath but after being on my feet for 10 hours I needed one.
So yes I know I sound like a super old lady that doesn't want to go out, but its already hard for me to get up in the morning, much less being tired from going out the night beforehand.
Plus the pool of men has dried up, so no prospects for going out for a drink,
Plus i'm too proud to go by myself.
I don't need a man to feel like I have worth.
But some freaking attention would be nice.
Anyways, so I am an old soul, who likes to sleep, and eat on a regular basis.
I cannot go out and then be expected to function the next day with out repercussions.
Sorry but that is just me.
Take it or leave it.
And this girl needed to get off her feet, relax and go to bed so she actually gets some sleep.
This whole getting up at 7 to get to work at 8:30 has been rough.
And not pretty.
I come in to work with another cup of coffee after i've just downed one.
I am not nice in the morning.
And then everyone else wants to go out and have fun and i'm just over here like "i'm taking a nap, see you in a few days".
I can deal with being tired sort of, but being hungry is another level of cranky.
But tired and hungry equals scary dragon lady.
I am trying not to be a scary dragon lady at both works...
And damn I forgot how much my calves hurt after a day of standing.
I literally came home.
Ate dinner.
And took a freaking bath when today there was a high of 91.
91 degrees.
too hot for a bath but after being on my feet for 10 hours I needed one.
So yes I know I sound like a super old lady that doesn't want to go out, but its already hard for me to get up in the morning, much less being tired from going out the night beforehand.
Plus the pool of men has dried up, so no prospects for going out for a drink,
Plus i'm too proud to go by myself.
I don't need a man to feel like I have worth.
But some freaking attention would be nice.
Anyways, so I am an old soul, who likes to sleep, and eat on a regular basis.
I cannot go out and then be expected to function the next day with out repercussions.
Sorry but that is just me.
Take it or leave it.
He could be the silence in this mayhem
So if you haven't heard the song Like I can by Sam Smith you need to listen to it like right now.
I have no idea why this song hasn't hit me sooner but it just has.
I absolutely love it.
We so often hear songs by straight singers but this one is so genuine and lovely and unique.
And often times men are not known for being emotional or wanting to express themselves.
But this blows all those stereotypes out of the water.
And it shows how men will also go the distance for love and how the too long to be loved and to prove themselves.
Maybe i'm just in a sad single rut right now.
The male gender is being particularly difficult right now...
The line in particular that I didn't realize what it really was until I looked up the lyrics is "He could be the silence in this mayhem".
And I strive to find someone who can quiet my mind.
That really hit me.
Because I overthink pretty much everything.
So to have a single moment where I can just be, without overthinking would probably hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am constantly judging myself and tweaking my actions.
I can probably count on one hand the number of times i've been fully free of my mind.
But this song is just too good and touches on so many different emotions.
And how you can find love.
Someday.
Someday.
I have no idea why this song hasn't hit me sooner but it just has.
I absolutely love it.
We so often hear songs by straight singers but this one is so genuine and lovely and unique.
And often times men are not known for being emotional or wanting to express themselves.
But this blows all those stereotypes out of the water.
And it shows how men will also go the distance for love and how the too long to be loved and to prove themselves.
Maybe i'm just in a sad single rut right now.
The male gender is being particularly difficult right now...
The line in particular that I didn't realize what it really was until I looked up the lyrics is "He could be the silence in this mayhem".
And I strive to find someone who can quiet my mind.
That really hit me.
Because I overthink pretty much everything.
So to have a single moment where I can just be, without overthinking would probably hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am constantly judging myself and tweaking my actions.
I can probably count on one hand the number of times i've been fully free of my mind.
But this song is just too good and touches on so many different emotions.
And how you can find love.
Someday.
Someday.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Bri
A year ago today one of my good friends and supposed to be roommate passed away in a motorcycle accident.
Bri and I met in Comp 350 and she was the person that sort of welcomed me into their group of people.
I had no real friends in that class and Bri took an interest in me. She took me under her wing.
I would not have made it out of that class without her meticulous editing skills.
And she kept being close friends with me after the class. Which doesn't happen all that often. But she checked up on me all the time. She looked out for me and was there when I needed some advice. And i got noticeably better grades when she looked over any paper no matter how much of a hot mess it was. She made sure to make it perfect.
You could tell right away whether or not she liked you.
She was just that type of girl.
She didn't skirt around feelings. If she wanted you in her life she made sure you knew it.
I remember she had this awesome leather jacket and she complimented me on mine even though mine wasn't nearly as amazing as hers.
She identified herself with the pinup culture and would often have her hair curled and done up in pin curls.
Now if you think I can do hair, that girl could seriously do hair.
She also had a talent for making amazing food.
The last thing I tasted of hers that I can remember was her chocolate cupcakes with a rosemary filling.
It may sound weird but it was probably one of the most complicated cupcakes I have ever had.
For Christmas she gave me this massive box of sweets she had hand made.
And for my birthday I got from her a sunflower scarf which if you didn't know is my favorite flower.
She could remember little details like that and was a much better friend to me than I deserved.
She also didn't play games.
If she wanted a guy she went after him.
She had this confidence around her that I envied so much.
She knew her worth and she didn't settle for anyone that didn't live up to her standards.
I could just sit and listen to her for hours.
She always had something interesting to say.
But 365 days ago after I found out about what happened to her I just couldn't believe it.
The woman that could have taken on the world, was no longer with us.
Sometimes to this day its weird to think about.
I'm currently sitting in the apartment we picked out together.
The woman who was supposed to be my roommate.
I was so excited.
And then there I was crying into my mothers arms as I told them.
It was such a shock to us all.
I couldn't go to her funeral which I think why it was harder for me to process because I didn't have any real closure.
I plan to go to her memorial this weekend and talk to her.
But after that day I reevaluated my life.
Was this how I wanted to live my life.
In fear and with out feeling comfortable in my skin.
No.
So changes happened.
And that was the summer from hell but here I am.
Stronger and happier than I was a year ago.
And even though this was a terrible event and I wish all the time she was still with us, this was what kicked me into realizing how unhappy I was.
I embodied a piece of Bri into myself.
I stood up for myself and found my worth.
I realized the only person that was ever going to truly make me happy was myself.
So I changed.
So thank you Bri for planting the seed that started my revolution.
Thank you for teaching me to fight and stand up for myself.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for staying true to yourself.
I miss you gorgeous girl but I know up in heaven you are riding away on your white Harley.
Living even better than you did down here.
I think i'm going to like it here
You know when you just find a job that just works.
I'm not saying I don't like Mild to Wild.
It is an amazing company.
But really, fashion and working in a boutique is my thing.
And this place I just want to wear pretty much everything.
And the people are super nice and love me already.
The owner didn't even call my references because she just liked me and hired me on.
That is saying something.
Mild to Wild is great but you know when you can just jump right into a job, and you really like everyone that works there and its just a good environment?
Yeah this is There's No Place Like Home.
I've done retail before at Appaloosa and I loved my coworkers but the owner was crazy.
This place the coworkers are great and the owner is lovely too.
And i'm I think the youngest person working there and they are all just happy to have me.
Which makes my shifts go by faster when you have an old soul working with other old souls.
Its a very positive environment and after my first shift I literally walked out of there with a skip in my step.
Now when does that ever happen?
And some of my coworkers hug which if you didn't know, i'm a hugger.
I got multiple hugs on my first day.
Plus the owner of There's No Place Like Home is married to the owner of the White Dragon Tea room and there just so happens to be a few cute guys that work over on that side.
Over all I think this is going to be a good fit.
Thanks to my amazing friend Allie who told me they were hiring!
I'm not saying I don't like Mild to Wild.
It is an amazing company.
But really, fashion and working in a boutique is my thing.
And this place I just want to wear pretty much everything.
And the people are super nice and love me already.
The owner didn't even call my references because she just liked me and hired me on.
That is saying something.
Mild to Wild is great but you know when you can just jump right into a job, and you really like everyone that works there and its just a good environment?
Yeah this is There's No Place Like Home.
I've done retail before at Appaloosa and I loved my coworkers but the owner was crazy.
This place the coworkers are great and the owner is lovely too.
And i'm I think the youngest person working there and they are all just happy to have me.
Which makes my shifts go by faster when you have an old soul working with other old souls.
Its a very positive environment and after my first shift I literally walked out of there with a skip in my step.
Now when does that ever happen?
And some of my coworkers hug which if you didn't know, i'm a hugger.
I got multiple hugs on my first day.
Plus the owner of There's No Place Like Home is married to the owner of the White Dragon Tea room and there just so happens to be a few cute guys that work over on that side.
Over all I think this is going to be a good fit.
Thanks to my amazing friend Allie who told me they were hiring!
Liz
Elizabeth Ashley Lytle.
Probably one of the strongest, prettiest, and unbeatable woman ever.
She's technically my wife.
Yeah that's right, Julia forever alone has a wife.
Its a bit odd but it works.
And as of three and a half months she has also entered the role of mother.
Which she is absolutely doing amazing at.
Little Abigail is extremely lucky to have Liz as her mommy.
And Alex is extremely lucky to have Liz as the mother of his daughter.
Liz and I have been friends for what seems forever.
We met in Sunday school and seeing as we both went to this tiny church and were pretty much the only girls that were close in age we became friends.
Her dad Ted is like an adopted Dad for me and Liz and older sister.
She knows some of my deepest darkest secrets.
And whenever I see her even though months may have passed its just like old times.
She has been my inspiration and at times a source of strength for me.
Freshman year when my mom was sick she stayed and helped me.
She was there for me and comforted me when I needed it.
She found out she was pregnant with little Abigail about a week after her dad's wedding, and even though it was a surprise she has taken on the role of mother so gracefully.
I only hope that someday I can be like her.
And that Abigail one day can be like an older sister as Liz was to me to any children I bring into my life.
However shes probably going to be a teenager by the time I get my life together and figure out children, but there still is hope.
She has kept that spark and light in her eyes that shes had ever since she was a little girl even through all of these things.
Liz like my friend Nick has always been a constant in my life.
Always a friendship.
And on June 16th 2015 she turned 22.
So happy birthday my beautiful Liz.
I love you to the moon and back.
Here's to many more years of friendship, love and laughter.
Probably one of the strongest, prettiest, and unbeatable woman ever.
She's technically my wife.
Yeah that's right, Julia forever alone has a wife.
Its a bit odd but it works.
And as of three and a half months she has also entered the role of mother.
Which she is absolutely doing amazing at.
Little Abigail is extremely lucky to have Liz as her mommy.
And Alex is extremely lucky to have Liz as the mother of his daughter.
Liz and I have been friends for what seems forever.
We met in Sunday school and seeing as we both went to this tiny church and were pretty much the only girls that were close in age we became friends.
Her dad Ted is like an adopted Dad for me and Liz and older sister.
She knows some of my deepest darkest secrets.
And whenever I see her even though months may have passed its just like old times.
She has been my inspiration and at times a source of strength for me.
Freshman year when my mom was sick she stayed and helped me.
She was there for me and comforted me when I needed it.
She found out she was pregnant with little Abigail about a week after her dad's wedding, and even though it was a surprise she has taken on the role of mother so gracefully.
I only hope that someday I can be like her.
And that Abigail one day can be like an older sister as Liz was to me to any children I bring into my life.
However shes probably going to be a teenager by the time I get my life together and figure out children, but there still is hope.
She has kept that spark and light in her eyes that shes had ever since she was a little girl even through all of these things.
Liz like my friend Nick has always been a constant in my life.
Always a friendship.
And on June 16th 2015 she turned 22.
So happy birthday my beautiful Liz.
I love you to the moon and back.
Here's to many more years of friendship, love and laughter.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
I just have a lot of feelings
So I think we have all found out by now, I am an emotional roller coaster and a half.
That is just me.
I try to hold everything inside and then something minuscule will happen and it will set it off.
I have triggers which sometimes makes new friendships, relationships or acquaintances interesting when they are still learning all of my quirks.
I don't know all of my triggers just yet but one that seems to always go off at inopportune times is when i'm stressed and then someone is genuinely nice to me, that will set me off for no good reason.
And that happened today.
At work.
During an interview.
Because i'm a hot mess.
So today at Mild to Wild I was interviewing for the trip adviser position.
And I had to know all the trips and their different little details and what ages and what happened and yadda yadda yadda.
Well I didn't really realize the full extent of the interview until like an hour before.
So i'm scrambling and stressed.
And then we do the interview which is a role play situation.
I do decent.
And when shes reviewing how I did, one of the owners, who is super nice, just asked me out of the blue how I deal with stress.
And that set it off.
Damn it.
Which then sets this whole different tone and I can just feel that after this I will just be looked at differently which is not my intention.
I do not deal well with new people treating me with extra kindness.
I like to earn it.
Just treat me with the same respect you give everyone else until I earn it otherwise.
I do not do well with special treatment.
And some people can just set me off if they are nice to me.
Leslie Blood, Steve Meyers, Dr. Walters and now my new boss.
Fan-flipping-tastic.
So at least you haven't locked your keys in your car in the past 48 hours and cried in front of your new boss during an interview.
I think I will just keep with my current position and let someone else be the trip adviser.
For everyone's sake especially, the owners.
That is just me.
I try to hold everything inside and then something minuscule will happen and it will set it off.
I have triggers which sometimes makes new friendships, relationships or acquaintances interesting when they are still learning all of my quirks.
I don't know all of my triggers just yet but one that seems to always go off at inopportune times is when i'm stressed and then someone is genuinely nice to me, that will set me off for no good reason.
And that happened today.
At work.
During an interview.
Because i'm a hot mess.
So today at Mild to Wild I was interviewing for the trip adviser position.
And I had to know all the trips and their different little details and what ages and what happened and yadda yadda yadda.
Well I didn't really realize the full extent of the interview until like an hour before.
So i'm scrambling and stressed.
And then we do the interview which is a role play situation.
I do decent.
And when shes reviewing how I did, one of the owners, who is super nice, just asked me out of the blue how I deal with stress.
And that set it off.
Damn it.
Which then sets this whole different tone and I can just feel that after this I will just be looked at differently which is not my intention.
I do not deal well with new people treating me with extra kindness.
I like to earn it.
Just treat me with the same respect you give everyone else until I earn it otherwise.
I do not do well with special treatment.
And some people can just set me off if they are nice to me.
Leslie Blood, Steve Meyers, Dr. Walters and now my new boss.
Fan-flipping-tastic.
So at least you haven't locked your keys in your car in the past 48 hours and cried in front of your new boss during an interview.
I think I will just keep with my current position and let someone else be the trip adviser.
For everyone's sake especially, the owners.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Mean to me
There's this song by the country artist Brett Eldredge called Mean to Me.
Its about what a person means to another person.
And how they make you feel.
Well I've been listening to this song a lot.
It is just so good and seeing as I grew up listening to country music like the Dixie Chicks, John Denver and Tim McGraw I loved this because it just brought me back to my roots, literally.
My childhood was full of this and then both sides of my family are farmers or ranchers.
So the country culture.
I'm hoping to find someone some day that wants me and I like them in them in return similar to how Brett Eldredge is describing in this song.
But it got me thinking about what people really mean to you.
Like what if tomorrow you just suddenly didn't have your close family and friends still in your life.
Those relationships that you've built and invested in.
Like what if tomorrow suddenly Deanna and Carter just were no longer around, not saying they died or anything, but I was alone.
My family is a huge part of my life and they are a constant source of support and love for me.
You never really realize how much they mean to you until they leave.
They left to drive home to Arvada around noon today.
And I just felt so alone.
Now it would be bad if I was happy to see them leave.
They mean a lot to me.
I love our banter and how warm and welcoming they are.
We are never boring and we love to joke with each other.
We snuggle and cook and laugh a lot.
And sometimes we are bit loud and rambunctious but I love them none the less.
But they mean the world to me.
Sometimes we joke about selling Owen to the gypsies but we haven't yet.
He's an integral part of our family.
So if you forgot, you mean something to many people.
Never forget that.
All I want now is just for them to turn around and come back here to stay with me for a while longer.
Because they mean a lot to me.
Its about what a person means to another person.
And how they make you feel.
Well I've been listening to this song a lot.
It is just so good and seeing as I grew up listening to country music like the Dixie Chicks, John Denver and Tim McGraw I loved this because it just brought me back to my roots, literally.
My childhood was full of this and then both sides of my family are farmers or ranchers.
So the country culture.
I'm hoping to find someone some day that wants me and I like them in them in return similar to how Brett Eldredge is describing in this song.
But it got me thinking about what people really mean to you.
Like what if tomorrow you just suddenly didn't have your close family and friends still in your life.
Those relationships that you've built and invested in.
Like what if tomorrow suddenly Deanna and Carter just were no longer around, not saying they died or anything, but I was alone.
My family is a huge part of my life and they are a constant source of support and love for me.
You never really realize how much they mean to you until they leave.
They left to drive home to Arvada around noon today.
And I just felt so alone.
Now it would be bad if I was happy to see them leave.
They mean a lot to me.
I love our banter and how warm and welcoming they are.
We are never boring and we love to joke with each other.
We snuggle and cook and laugh a lot.
And sometimes we are bit loud and rambunctious but I love them none the less.
But they mean the world to me.
Sometimes we joke about selling Owen to the gypsies but we haven't yet.
He's an integral part of our family.
So if you forgot, you mean something to many people.
Never forget that.
All I want now is just for them to turn around and come back here to stay with me for a while longer.
Because they mean a lot to me.
Adventuring
So my family is not your typical family that when they are visiting somewhere they will relax at the beach.
No we are the type that need a vacation after a vacation.
And this mentality also applies to pretty much wherever we go.
We explore where we are.
Its really hard for us to relax.
So it was no surprise we were up early and ready to go to Mesa Verde on Saturday.
Now Mesa Verde or the entrance to the park is about a half an hour from where I live and then its another half an hour until you actually get to something you want to see besides the twisty mountain roads.
Now this is like my 3rd time to Mesa Verde.
The first was about 14 years ago when our family went on vacation down here.
I was 7.
And that was a super fun vacation.
I came here about 3 years ago with my ex and his parental units and we toured around and did some stuff.
And then I came with my family this weekend,
Still just as amazing as when I was seven.
I love how unique the cliff dwellings are.
Unfortunately Owen was at the wheel so we had to stop at every single stop even though it may be another hole in the ground.
He is legitimately as human sponge.
When he was interning for the Air and Space Smithsonian two years ago he got through the entire thing in 15 hours.
He read every sign on every wall in every exhibit.
He's that kid.
But we had a ton of fun just going around and went on a few little hikes and it rained and I may not have been prepared and had to wear Owen's extra shirt but it was OK because I got to spend the day with my favorite crazy people.
And then after all of that we came home and made dinner and Deanna and Carter came over and got to experience the madness of my family.
Now I love the family but sometimes they like to tell embarrassing stories but for the most part the stories they told were pretty mild which is good.
So after a long day of hanging out with a wild family and then stressing on what they would do with the friends, I went to bed content on what all happened.
Thank god.
No we are the type that need a vacation after a vacation.
And this mentality also applies to pretty much wherever we go.
We explore where we are.
Its really hard for us to relax.
So it was no surprise we were up early and ready to go to Mesa Verde on Saturday.
Now Mesa Verde or the entrance to the park is about a half an hour from where I live and then its another half an hour until you actually get to something you want to see besides the twisty mountain roads.
Now this is like my 3rd time to Mesa Verde.
The first was about 14 years ago when our family went on vacation down here.
I was 7.
And that was a super fun vacation.
I came here about 3 years ago with my ex and his parental units and we toured around and did some stuff.
And then I came with my family this weekend,
Still just as amazing as when I was seven.
I love how unique the cliff dwellings are.
Unfortunately Owen was at the wheel so we had to stop at every single stop even though it may be another hole in the ground.
He is legitimately as human sponge.
When he was interning for the Air and Space Smithsonian two years ago he got through the entire thing in 15 hours.
He read every sign on every wall in every exhibit.
He's that kid.
But we had a ton of fun just going around and went on a few little hikes and it rained and I may not have been prepared and had to wear Owen's extra shirt but it was OK because I got to spend the day with my favorite crazy people.
And then after all of that we came home and made dinner and Deanna and Carter came over and got to experience the madness of my family.
Now I love the family but sometimes they like to tell embarrassing stories but for the most part the stories they told were pretty mild which is good.
So after a long day of hanging out with a wild family and then stressing on what they would do with the friends, I went to bed content on what all happened.
Thank god.
Friday, June 12, 2015
1st day and zhe family comes to town
So my day started at 6 am when my alarm went off.
Now we all know how much I hate mornings.
But today was my first day at Mild to Wild.
And it started at 8:30 and there's probably nothing worse in my mind than being late on the first day.
It sets your entire impression in the company.
So I got up kind of, then I started my "Good Morning Beautiful" playlist and that helped get me up.
I was so excited from the day before because of getting a job that I couldn't really get to sleep early and then I had to get up early and I was afraid I was going to sleep through my multiple alarms and be late or rushed so suffice to say I didn't get much sleep.
So I finally rolled out of bed around 6:30 and started the coffee.
That always helps no matter what.
Slathered on the make up so I would look alive.
Got my breakfast and sat down to just soak it all in.
The morning sun is one of my favorite times of day.
Its just so perfect and pretty.
Like a new canvas ready to be painted.
Get to work 10 minutes early and get orientated on what I need to do.
Nothing too mind boggling.
And start checking people in.
We get everyone including a wedding party and a German group all sorted out.
Clean some stuff and organize the stuffed animals.
Then I organize the staff shirts.
And fix some other things.
Hang with Lainey.
Watch some videos.
Then I finally head home and get some lunch.
Write the thank you note and then find out I got the job.
Go home and clean and clean before the family gets here.
And then they come, we make dinner and head out on the town.
Now somehow I missed that Caleb who is Claire's boyfriend was coming but its fine because hes a cool guy and we like him.
And then go and shop a little.
See a few friends.
Head to Steamworks and get a bunch of desserts.
We got 4 yes 4.
Dear lord it was amazing.
And then come home and get ready for bed and here I am with the cutest little sister in the world sleeping peacefully next to me as I write this.
I am so happy right now
I have two great jobs.
My family is here and tomorrow we are going adventuring and I cant wait to go.
And I'll document it for a blog post for the Durango tourism center.
And the world is just perfect right now
I have it figured out for the most part.
Love isn't too complicated right now.
I'm just happy to have them here with me.
Literally smiling right now.
I've got it under control.
Massive sigh of relief.
Thank you god.
Now we all know how much I hate mornings.
But today was my first day at Mild to Wild.
And it started at 8:30 and there's probably nothing worse in my mind than being late on the first day.
It sets your entire impression in the company.
So I got up kind of, then I started my "Good Morning Beautiful" playlist and that helped get me up.
I was so excited from the day before because of getting a job that I couldn't really get to sleep early and then I had to get up early and I was afraid I was going to sleep through my multiple alarms and be late or rushed so suffice to say I didn't get much sleep.
So I finally rolled out of bed around 6:30 and started the coffee.
That always helps no matter what.
Slathered on the make up so I would look alive.
Got my breakfast and sat down to just soak it all in.
The morning sun is one of my favorite times of day.
Its just so perfect and pretty.
Like a new canvas ready to be painted.
Get to work 10 minutes early and get orientated on what I need to do.
Nothing too mind boggling.
And start checking people in.
We get everyone including a wedding party and a German group all sorted out.
Clean some stuff and organize the stuffed animals.
Then I organize the staff shirts.
And fix some other things.
Hang with Lainey.
Watch some videos.
Then I finally head home and get some lunch.
Write the thank you note and then find out I got the job.
Go home and clean and clean before the family gets here.
And then they come, we make dinner and head out on the town.
Now somehow I missed that Caleb who is Claire's boyfriend was coming but its fine because hes a cool guy and we like him.
And then go and shop a little.
See a few friends.
Head to Steamworks and get a bunch of desserts.
We got 4 yes 4.
Dear lord it was amazing.
And then come home and get ready for bed and here I am with the cutest little sister in the world sleeping peacefully next to me as I write this.
I am so happy right now
I have two great jobs.
My family is here and tomorrow we are going adventuring and I cant wait to go.
And I'll document it for a blog post for the Durango tourism center.
And the world is just perfect right now
I have it figured out for the most part.
Love isn't too complicated right now.
I'm just happy to have them here with me.
Literally smiling right now.
I've got it under control.
Massive sigh of relief.
Thank you god.
Things are looking up
So today things finally started to look promising.
I had two interviews within and hour of each other and both went splendidly.
I think this whole determination to get a damn job finally made me into a machine that will just not stop
I wanted that job and at the end of the second interview I had a job at Mild to Wild as get this, a greeter.
I can be friendly and informative and greet people. I can do that.
the interview at There's No Place Like Home I felt went well but I also felt that about when I interviewed at the Spaah shop.
And I didn't get that.
But get this guys.
Today as I was dropping off the thank you note at There's No Place Like Home she asked me to hold on for a minute.
I only have learned this from the best.
My dad got his job from dropping of a thank you note after the interview.
Hes had the same job that is 2 miles from our house for 18 years.
All over a thank you note.
So she asks me to hang out a minute so we can talk and she tells me that shes been meaning to call me and tell me I got the job.
And then she goes and gets her husband who owns the white dragon tea room which is just adorable and I feel like I already fit there.
Which just makes my day and if you have ever been into There's No Place Like Home you know that that place is perfect for me.
Eclectic and fun and full of cool little things and things to smell and touch.
Totally me.
AND I FREAKING WORK THERE NOW!
I GOT THE BEST JOBS
I was really hoping I wouldn't have to work some place terrible and now I work for two yes two great companies.
So yes now I just have to figure out how to work with the two of them and make some money.
This girl is single and independent.
I don't need no man to take me out to enjoy a drink.
I can treat myself.
I can make myself happy.
And I think that's part of becoming an adult.
Being able to make yourself happy by yourself.
But now I actually have money so I don't have to stress as much.
Hello world this girl is making money.
I had two interviews within and hour of each other and both went splendidly.
I think this whole determination to get a damn job finally made me into a machine that will just not stop
I wanted that job and at the end of the second interview I had a job at Mild to Wild as get this, a greeter.
I can be friendly and informative and greet people. I can do that.
the interview at There's No Place Like Home I felt went well but I also felt that about when I interviewed at the Spaah shop.
And I didn't get that.
But get this guys.
Today as I was dropping off the thank you note at There's No Place Like Home she asked me to hold on for a minute.
I only have learned this from the best.
My dad got his job from dropping of a thank you note after the interview.
Hes had the same job that is 2 miles from our house for 18 years.
All over a thank you note.
So she asks me to hang out a minute so we can talk and she tells me that shes been meaning to call me and tell me I got the job.
And then she goes and gets her husband who owns the white dragon tea room which is just adorable and I feel like I already fit there.
Which just makes my day and if you have ever been into There's No Place Like Home you know that that place is perfect for me.
Eclectic and fun and full of cool little things and things to smell and touch.
Totally me.
AND I FREAKING WORK THERE NOW!
I GOT THE BEST JOBS
I was really hoping I wouldn't have to work some place terrible and now I work for two yes two great companies.
So yes now I just have to figure out how to work with the two of them and make some money.
This girl is single and independent.
I don't need no man to take me out to enjoy a drink.
I can treat myself.
I can make myself happy.
And I think that's part of becoming an adult.
Being able to make yourself happy by yourself.
But now I actually have money so I don't have to stress as much.
Hello world this girl is making money.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
If music be the food of love, play on
So I have this thing that whenever I am especially lonely, I will go back to old songs that I've played in band and listen to them again and reminisce.
This happened today.
I've always found comfort in listening to my pieces and how they all just seem to come back alive for me again.
Today I also listened to rose variations by Robert Russell Bennett which we played in band during our CMEA band tour last spring.There's a part that seriously sounds like the sleeping beauty waltz and I die a little inside whenever I listen to it.
The other day it was Arabesque by Samuel Hazo which I played the first semester of my freshman year and I just remember grooving along to that song. It goes and builds and there is so much anticipation in it.The flute solo at the beginning with the warm undertones just goes to show how under appreciated the lower octave of a flute really is. I can still the notes under my fingers and how we would just fly through that song.When the percussion really comes in you can almost see dancers twirling around.
Or Moscow 1941 is another favorite from way back in middle school. This is similar in feeling to Arabesque where it just builds and it really takes you on a journey. I remember the horns being super prominent and just adding that gorgeous extra color.
Alligator Alley by Michael Daugherty is what my beloved band teacher freshman year of high school threw at us. He got really excited because he suddenly had four yes four bassoonists to have fun with. And seeing as we hadn't really gone up into the higher octaves of our instruments like ever and it was a bassoon solo in that octave we had some trouble. I remember my chops hurting like hell afterwards but it was a good introduction on what to expect.
Nessun Dorma is from Puccinis Turnadot and it is the absolutely gorgeous piece that just builds and releases. Tension release. Always having you on the edge of your seat. This was during my junior year marching season and that was our ballad. Gorgeous arcs and slow moving grace. Dear lord this was an event but I loved it so much. This was my favorite marching show by far by the drill and the music.
The closer for that show was the Firebird Suite which if you've ever seen fantasia 2000 its the part with the big green bird that brings life back to the earth. Absolutely gorgeous. And such quick changes from the hellish part to the green bird part. Oh and the company front we did for that was legendary!
And then of course Ghost train and Godzilla Eats Las Vegas by Eric Whitacre are some of my favorites as well. I finally got to play Ghost Train in College and Godzilla was the last semester of my senior year. Whitacre has this knack of really pushing the limits with time signatures, keys and he loves to expose certain parts. He keeps it raw and bare. But there is beauty in taking the band and distilling it into something greater. That's why wind ensembles are so great because each player has to know their stuff front and back.
I really feel that the horn, bassoon, oboe and English horn are some of the most under utilized and most unique sounding instruments in the band. If I could be reincarnated as a sound I would be a great horn rip.
Music for me has always been a solace and a challenge. If you weren't in Steve Meyers Mountain Sports Writing last semester you wont know the struggle I've had with being a bassoonist.
The men love to point out i'm playing a massive piece of wood.
Reeds are awful.
We usually don't get that great of parts or any parts at all.
Sometimes we are totally forgotten.
We can outplay most of our directors in 8th grade. No joke.
We are rare and a pain in the ass.
But I wouldn't trade the last almost 12 years of playing for the world.
That is where my adopted family lives.
In the twisted curves of a note run and in the stink of a band room after a parade.
That's where some of my deepest and most meaningful relationships are rooted.
In the soil of the love of creating and learning music.
And even though i'm just doing band still for fun, I cant imagine not doing it.
Not having that constant supply of band nerds to hang around with and brag about the pieces we've done.
Sure sometimes I want to kill Andy, the dumb flutes and that's about it.
But i still come back.
Because this bassoonist cant stop now.
Its in my blood to never stop doing something I love.
This happened today.
I've always found comfort in listening to my pieces and how they all just seem to come back alive for me again.
Today I also listened to rose variations by Robert Russell Bennett which we played in band during our CMEA band tour last spring.There's a part that seriously sounds like the sleeping beauty waltz and I die a little inside whenever I listen to it.
The other day it was Arabesque by Samuel Hazo which I played the first semester of my freshman year and I just remember grooving along to that song. It goes and builds and there is so much anticipation in it.The flute solo at the beginning with the warm undertones just goes to show how under appreciated the lower octave of a flute really is. I can still the notes under my fingers and how we would just fly through that song.When the percussion really comes in you can almost see dancers twirling around.
Or Moscow 1941 is another favorite from way back in middle school. This is similar in feeling to Arabesque where it just builds and it really takes you on a journey. I remember the horns being super prominent and just adding that gorgeous extra color.
Alligator Alley by Michael Daugherty is what my beloved band teacher freshman year of high school threw at us. He got really excited because he suddenly had four yes four bassoonists to have fun with. And seeing as we hadn't really gone up into the higher octaves of our instruments like ever and it was a bassoon solo in that octave we had some trouble. I remember my chops hurting like hell afterwards but it was a good introduction on what to expect.
Nessun Dorma is from Puccinis Turnadot and it is the absolutely gorgeous piece that just builds and releases. Tension release. Always having you on the edge of your seat. This was during my junior year marching season and that was our ballad. Gorgeous arcs and slow moving grace. Dear lord this was an event but I loved it so much. This was my favorite marching show by far by the drill and the music.
The closer for that show was the Firebird Suite which if you've ever seen fantasia 2000 its the part with the big green bird that brings life back to the earth. Absolutely gorgeous. And such quick changes from the hellish part to the green bird part. Oh and the company front we did for that was legendary!
And then of course Ghost train and Godzilla Eats Las Vegas by Eric Whitacre are some of my favorites as well. I finally got to play Ghost Train in College and Godzilla was the last semester of my senior year. Whitacre has this knack of really pushing the limits with time signatures, keys and he loves to expose certain parts. He keeps it raw and bare. But there is beauty in taking the band and distilling it into something greater. That's why wind ensembles are so great because each player has to know their stuff front and back.
I really feel that the horn, bassoon, oboe and English horn are some of the most under utilized and most unique sounding instruments in the band. If I could be reincarnated as a sound I would be a great horn rip.
Music for me has always been a solace and a challenge. If you weren't in Steve Meyers Mountain Sports Writing last semester you wont know the struggle I've had with being a bassoonist.
The men love to point out i'm playing a massive piece of wood.
Reeds are awful.
We usually don't get that great of parts or any parts at all.
Sometimes we are totally forgotten.
We can outplay most of our directors in 8th grade. No joke.
We are rare and a pain in the ass.
But I wouldn't trade the last almost 12 years of playing for the world.
That is where my adopted family lives.
In the twisted curves of a note run and in the stink of a band room after a parade.
That's where some of my deepest and most meaningful relationships are rooted.
In the soil of the love of creating and learning music.
And even though i'm just doing band still for fun, I cant imagine not doing it.
Not having that constant supply of band nerds to hang around with and brag about the pieces we've done.
Sure sometimes I want to kill Andy, the dumb flutes and that's about it.
But i still come back.
Because this bassoonist cant stop now.
Its in my blood to never stop doing something I love.
Much more than my surface
In this day and age and pretty much since the beginning of time people were initially seen for their outward appearance.
Women in particular have been the focus of this.
We are always renowned for our beauty and how graceful we are.
And then we are remembered by our intelligence.
Its like people work their way in to getting to know the real you from the outside in.
For women it takes a bit longer for people to put together a full work up of who you are because they sometimes are so enamored by your outward appearance.
But if you are not pretty we automatically assume you are smart in some situations because you have to make up for your lack or appeasing looks.
I know this sounds super weird but think it through.
When you describe a woman you usually tell about her appearance and then her accomplishments.
Unless she isn't all that pretty and then you say she has a nice personality.
What a screwed up world we live in.
An Australian News Anchor Named Karl Stefanovic wore the same suit jacket for a year
AND NO ONE NOTICED!
Now if a woman did that we would be up in arms and we would have noticed that right away.
But it just goes to show you how much more woman are criticized in the media for their appearance.
We have a harder ladder to climb than that male gender.
Our beauty is a curse and a gift in a way.
Its a double edged sword.
But this whole thought process came about because last night I was out with some friends at Bingo night at Falcs. We met up with some friends after and there were some new faces in the group.
Well anyways this one guy was talking to me and he remembered me but I didn't remember him.
The reason he remembered was that I was going out with this guy and he didnt quite understand why.
Now just as a forewarning, this relationship he was talking about was a good relationship for the time.
It was a good almost 2 years together. He was there for me when I needed him the most. He was my first love. This is a big deal because things don't usually work out for me but for the time being that worked for me.
But it made me go on this tangent about how I am so much more than my previous relationships.
I am so much more than the clothes I wear.
I am so much more than the appearance I have been given.
I am so much more than the awards I have accomplished.
I am so much more than the mountains I have conquered.
I am so much more than the adventures I have been on.
I am so much more than the mistakes I have made.
I am so much more than the men I have found slight bouts of companionship with.
I am so much more than the friendships I have made and those that I may have neglected.
A person is multifaceted.
We are so much more than one thing in this life.
And I would like people to know me for the accomplishments I've made and the good things I've done in this world over the appearance I have.
I know I am cute but honestly I am so awkward when it comes to compliments about my appearance because they are so easy to do and so shallow.
And I like to give genuine compliments and when I receive one about my appearance I cant but question about a persons intentions.
And then I feel like I should reciprocate the compliments but I don't want to put them in the same situation.
So its a whole big mess.
If you want to make an impression start up a conversation about something that I am passionate about. Challenge me to a conversation to more than just what I look like.
Now that would be unique and wonderful!
Make me use my mind versus having to rely on my looks.
Now that would be something.
Women in particular have been the focus of this.
We are always renowned for our beauty and how graceful we are.
And then we are remembered by our intelligence.
Its like people work their way in to getting to know the real you from the outside in.
For women it takes a bit longer for people to put together a full work up of who you are because they sometimes are so enamored by your outward appearance.
But if you are not pretty we automatically assume you are smart in some situations because you have to make up for your lack or appeasing looks.
I know this sounds super weird but think it through.
When you describe a woman you usually tell about her appearance and then her accomplishments.
Unless she isn't all that pretty and then you say she has a nice personality.
What a screwed up world we live in.
An Australian News Anchor Named Karl Stefanovic wore the same suit jacket for a year
AND NO ONE NOTICED!
Now if a woman did that we would be up in arms and we would have noticed that right away.
But it just goes to show you how much more woman are criticized in the media for their appearance.
We have a harder ladder to climb than that male gender.
Our beauty is a curse and a gift in a way.
Its a double edged sword.
But this whole thought process came about because last night I was out with some friends at Bingo night at Falcs. We met up with some friends after and there were some new faces in the group.
Well anyways this one guy was talking to me and he remembered me but I didn't remember him.
The reason he remembered was that I was going out with this guy and he didnt quite understand why.
Now just as a forewarning, this relationship he was talking about was a good relationship for the time.
It was a good almost 2 years together. He was there for me when I needed him the most. He was my first love. This is a big deal because things don't usually work out for me but for the time being that worked for me.
But it made me go on this tangent about how I am so much more than my previous relationships.
I am so much more than the clothes I wear.
I am so much more than the appearance I have been given.
I am so much more than the awards I have accomplished.
I am so much more than the mountains I have conquered.
I am so much more than the adventures I have been on.
I am so much more than the mistakes I have made.
I am so much more than the men I have found slight bouts of companionship with.
I am so much more than the friendships I have made and those that I may have neglected.
A person is multifaceted.
We are so much more than one thing in this life.
And I would like people to know me for the accomplishments I've made and the good things I've done in this world over the appearance I have.
I know I am cute but honestly I am so awkward when it comes to compliments about my appearance because they are so easy to do and so shallow.
And I like to give genuine compliments and when I receive one about my appearance I cant but question about a persons intentions.
And then I feel like I should reciprocate the compliments but I don't want to put them in the same situation.
So its a whole big mess.
If you want to make an impression start up a conversation about something that I am passionate about. Challenge me to a conversation to more than just what I look like.
Now that would be unique and wonderful!
Make me use my mind versus having to rely on my looks.
Now that would be something.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Deanna turns 21
So my beautiful friend Deanna Shanae Atkins turned 21 on June 7th 2015.
FINALLY!
She is the last person in our trio of friends to finally turn 21.
Very small close friend group that hangs out all the time since we are a bit anti social.
Of Carter, Deanna and myself I turned 21 first and then Carter was a few weeks after and finally Deanna can hang out with us at bars.
This occurrence does not happen all that often.
So for her 21st we went all out.
Now for those of you that don't know, Deanna, Carter and I were in band together freshman year and we never really talked to each other.
Then first semester of sophomore year we were all in the Indy together. And I got to know Deanna there because we were both reporters. And then slowly I also go to know Carter as well through Food lit.
Now this girl is crazy gorgeous and she pretty much kicks ass and takes names all the same time.
She has been the Print editor for the Indy for quite some time now but now shes moving on to video because she is just that cool and I know that she will do fabulous there too!
We are both middle children and because of this we are both really over protective older sisters to our little sisters.
She's a freaking model.
No joke and really if you've ever seen her you know why.
I love this girl to the moon and back and we've had so many classes together that we sometimes plan our class schedules so that we are in similar classes at the same time.
We may have different approaches to getting men, hers being the most effective.
But we can always gossip about the current herd of men or whatever is happening in the Indy.
She can bake like nobodies business. I'm actually quite surprised that Carter isn't 200 pounds already.
She has a real talent there.
And she can write too and I love being paired with her when we have to edit in class because she knows her stuff, but she is also great at giving feedback so it doesn't hurt.
So happy 21st beautiful!
Here is what happened on that gorgeous day.
Well the night before we had a party and Deanna and Carters place and then we headed to the bars whilst all dolled up and a bit tipsy to celebrate at midnight.
MOM we had a few DD's so we were safe the entire night.
I didn't drink after we left the party because once i'm tipsy I stop because I have this nagging feeling to always be somewhat coherent.
So I turned into full on control freak and herding people with Sierra, Deannas sister, from place to place.
We accidentally lost her but it was just that the group behind us decided to stop at the roadhouse and we didn't see and just kept going to Joel's.
Yep well we found them again.
Ended the night at the ranch like the best of us.
We went home and went to sleep.
And then we woke up that day and I went home got some sleep, ate some food and then came over again for round 2.
We made waffles. I put on some more make up and tried to make my hair manageable.
And then we headed out again!
Because we are just that cool or something.
Started in the office, went to Joel's, then the roadhouse and I was dozing off there which probably wasn't the best idea and then ended the night once again at the ranch.
So it was a crazy weekend but I wouldn't have had it any other way to celebrate her birthday.
Welcome the 21 and over crew
FINALLY!
She is the last person in our trio of friends to finally turn 21.
Very small close friend group that hangs out all the time since we are a bit anti social.
Of Carter, Deanna and myself I turned 21 first and then Carter was a few weeks after and finally Deanna can hang out with us at bars.
This occurrence does not happen all that often.
So for her 21st we went all out.
Now for those of you that don't know, Deanna, Carter and I were in band together freshman year and we never really talked to each other.
Then first semester of sophomore year we were all in the Indy together. And I got to know Deanna there because we were both reporters. And then slowly I also go to know Carter as well through Food lit.
Now this girl is crazy gorgeous and she pretty much kicks ass and takes names all the same time.
She has been the Print editor for the Indy for quite some time now but now shes moving on to video because she is just that cool and I know that she will do fabulous there too!
We are both middle children and because of this we are both really over protective older sisters to our little sisters.
She's a freaking model.
No joke and really if you've ever seen her you know why.
I love this girl to the moon and back and we've had so many classes together that we sometimes plan our class schedules so that we are in similar classes at the same time.
We may have different approaches to getting men, hers being the most effective.
But we can always gossip about the current herd of men or whatever is happening in the Indy.
She can bake like nobodies business. I'm actually quite surprised that Carter isn't 200 pounds already.
She has a real talent there.
And she can write too and I love being paired with her when we have to edit in class because she knows her stuff, but she is also great at giving feedback so it doesn't hurt.
So happy 21st beautiful!
Here is what happened on that gorgeous day.
Well the night before we had a party and Deanna and Carters place and then we headed to the bars whilst all dolled up and a bit tipsy to celebrate at midnight.
MOM we had a few DD's so we were safe the entire night.
I didn't drink after we left the party because once i'm tipsy I stop because I have this nagging feeling to always be somewhat coherent.
So I turned into full on control freak and herding people with Sierra, Deannas sister, from place to place.
We accidentally lost her but it was just that the group behind us decided to stop at the roadhouse and we didn't see and just kept going to Joel's.
Yep well we found them again.
Ended the night at the ranch like the best of us.
We went home and went to sleep.
And then we woke up that day and I went home got some sleep, ate some food and then came over again for round 2.
We made waffles. I put on some more make up and tried to make my hair manageable.
And then we headed out again!
Because we are just that cool or something.
Started in the office, went to Joel's, then the roadhouse and I was dozing off there which probably wasn't the best idea and then ended the night once again at the ranch.
So it was a crazy weekend but I wouldn't have had it any other way to celebrate her birthday.
Welcome the 21 and over crew
The roommate needs to come back now
So the roommate, my lovely Annamarie
LEFT ME FOR ARVADA SATURDAY MORNING AT 6 AM!
I told her to wake me up when she was leaving and she did and when she opened my door I immediately groaned, NOOOOOH!
I really didn't want her to leave.
And I miss her.
Shes like my little buddy.
If either of us needs to run an errand we go together.
Or if we just need a movie night we hang out.
We gossip and she eats her gluten free food and I eat my gluten filled food.
Its a good relationship.
But her leaving just sort of snuck up on me.
I imagined that I would have a more set summer by now but I do not.
And that it wouldn't be this hard.
But I really hate being alone.
And not getting to talk to her all the time.
And mostly I just hate being in the apartment alone.
Because I have a wild imagination.
And because i'm the only one home, I tend to not really clean as much because there are fewer dishes, and no one else here, so its just me that I need to impress and I put stuff off which is not a healthy habit.
But it will be OK.
This princess Leia can live for a little bit with out her R2D2.
I'll miss her cute little accountant talk.
And how we sometimes venture to the barn together.
Or have random shopping expeditions.
Shes my buddy and I miss her a lot.
But I know she is having a great time back home and i'm glad see gets to see them for a few months.
Shes going to be so busy and I'll be busy too so the summer will pass quickly and soon I will have my wonderful now once again blonde and beautiful gluten free horse loving roommate home to snuggle with.
Love you girly
LEFT ME FOR ARVADA SATURDAY MORNING AT 6 AM!
I told her to wake me up when she was leaving and she did and when she opened my door I immediately groaned, NOOOOOH!
I really didn't want her to leave.
And I miss her.
Shes like my little buddy.
If either of us needs to run an errand we go together.
Or if we just need a movie night we hang out.
We gossip and she eats her gluten free food and I eat my gluten filled food.
Its a good relationship.
But her leaving just sort of snuck up on me.
I imagined that I would have a more set summer by now but I do not.
And that it wouldn't be this hard.
But I really hate being alone.
And not getting to talk to her all the time.
And mostly I just hate being in the apartment alone.
Because I have a wild imagination.
And because i'm the only one home, I tend to not really clean as much because there are fewer dishes, and no one else here, so its just me that I need to impress and I put stuff off which is not a healthy habit.
But it will be OK.
This princess Leia can live for a little bit with out her R2D2.
I'll miss her cute little accountant talk.
And how we sometimes venture to the barn together.
Or have random shopping expeditions.
Shes my buddy and I miss her a lot.
But I know she is having a great time back home and i'm glad see gets to see them for a few months.
Shes going to be so busy and I'll be busy too so the summer will pass quickly and soon I will have my wonderful now once again blonde and beautiful gluten free horse loving roommate home to snuggle with.
Love you girly
Always look on the bright side of life
do doo do doo do doo doo doo do doo
If you didn't sing that, we cant be friends.
Well I didn't tell you about all the good things besides being extremely blunt that happened on Thursday.
So I went to my internship like I usually do at 2 on Thursday but beforehand I dropped off a resume at There's No Place Like Home which is that cute story that is connected to the White Dragon Tea room.
Yeah its adorable.
And they seemed interested in me. And now I have an interview!
And so I went to the internship and got a freaking hiking backpack just to thank me for my work.
Now its a cute little osprey day pack but still that is so thoughtful.
And I mean really, I blog everyday, or i'm supposed to so this blog isnt too difficult.
It was like a reward because its an unpaid internship but really its not so hard to manage.
And then I stopped by Grass Burger and dropped off the application, met the owner and he seemed like he liked me and said he'd probably be calling me soon.
So yes the job front is looking up.
Lets just hope I get something soon so I don't feel so bad about being a lazy ass just recently.
Yeah but i'm good guys.
Its OK.
I got mad and got shit done.
That is just how I operate sometimes.
If you didn't sing that, we cant be friends.
Well I didn't tell you about all the good things besides being extremely blunt that happened on Thursday.
So I went to my internship like I usually do at 2 on Thursday but beforehand I dropped off a resume at There's No Place Like Home which is that cute story that is connected to the White Dragon Tea room.
Yeah its adorable.
And they seemed interested in me. And now I have an interview!
And so I went to the internship and got a freaking hiking backpack just to thank me for my work.
Now its a cute little osprey day pack but still that is so thoughtful.
And I mean really, I blog everyday, or i'm supposed to so this blog isnt too difficult.
It was like a reward because its an unpaid internship but really its not so hard to manage.
And then I stopped by Grass Burger and dropped off the application, met the owner and he seemed like he liked me and said he'd probably be calling me soon.
So yes the job front is looking up.
Lets just hope I get something soon so I don't feel so bad about being a lazy ass just recently.
Yeah but i'm good guys.
Its OK.
I got mad and got shit done.
That is just how I operate sometimes.
Friday, June 5, 2015
OK, I get it, I'm blunt.
Journalism is my shindig people so this really shouldn't be a surprise.
I was wrestling with this complex a few months ago in Steve Meyers class.
I am familiar with journalistic, blunt and to the point type of writing.
I do not use extra words.
I am not fluffy.
OK well I might becoming a little fluffier around the waistline, BUT I'M NOT FLUFFY WITH MY WRITING
So yesterday as were walking around the Durango Art walk, one of Deanna's many suitors came out of his place of employment and gave her a huge hug.
As in he picked her up.
Everyone loves Deanna and for many good reasons.
We are actually pretty similar, except for when it comes to men.
I do not waste time.
I get to the point.
In some cases its like taking them for a roller coaster ride.
To see if they can handle me.
This girl takes her time.
She is very methodical.
She plans.
She is extremely sweet and eases into things.
So the man came out and they were talking, and after they were done I wanted to go and find him and tell him to just get up the guts to ask her out already.
I am that type of girl.
If I like someone I do not waste all that much time.
Which can come off really strong.
I do not play games and apparently everyone else plans and plots their moves.
I do not believe in that whole waiting three days to text or call someone after a date.
I do it when the moment hits me.
I am not smooth.
Which may be why I am single at the current moment...
Because I have scared all the men away.
Its OK.
I know i'm a lot to handle.
This is going to take some time.
As one of the advise cards on the rules board in my apartment says "you have to wade through some frogs to get to your damn prince".
I just wade through the frogs faster than most.
I don't have time to plot and wait for life to happen.
I don't have time for everything to be perfect.
Mortality complex going on with me, remember?
Just have to find my damn prince that can handle all of this.
Don't worry Mom.
I'll marry Mitch in 8.5 years on the new years eve after my 30th birthday.
Because normal families do that stuff..
Yeah, not really...
I was wrestling with this complex a few months ago in Steve Meyers class.
I am familiar with journalistic, blunt and to the point type of writing.
I do not use extra words.
I am not fluffy.
OK well I might becoming a little fluffier around the waistline, BUT I'M NOT FLUFFY WITH MY WRITING
So yesterday as were walking around the Durango Art walk, one of Deanna's many suitors came out of his place of employment and gave her a huge hug.
As in he picked her up.
Everyone loves Deanna and for many good reasons.
We are actually pretty similar, except for when it comes to men.
I do not waste time.
I get to the point.
In some cases its like taking them for a roller coaster ride.
To see if they can handle me.
This girl takes her time.
She is very methodical.
She plans.
She is extremely sweet and eases into things.
So the man came out and they were talking, and after they were done I wanted to go and find him and tell him to just get up the guts to ask her out already.
I am that type of girl.
If I like someone I do not waste all that much time.
Which can come off really strong.
I do not play games and apparently everyone else plans and plots their moves.
I do not believe in that whole waiting three days to text or call someone after a date.
I do it when the moment hits me.
I am not smooth.
Which may be why I am single at the current moment...
Because I have scared all the men away.
Its OK.
I know i'm a lot to handle.
This is going to take some time.
As one of the advise cards on the rules board in my apartment says "you have to wade through some frogs to get to your damn prince".
I just wade through the frogs faster than most.
I don't have time to plot and wait for life to happen.
I don't have time for everything to be perfect.
Mortality complex going on with me, remember?
Just have to find my damn prince that can handle all of this.
Don't worry Mom.
I'll marry Mitch in 8.5 years on the new years eve after my 30th birthday.
Because normal families do that stuff..
Yeah, not really...
"When you get mad like this, you make things happen".
So i'm an emotional roller coaster.
We've been over this and this is not new news for those of you that have the chance or in some ways misfortune of hearing my rants.
It has gotten better.
But one of the things about being passionate is that I will get to a certain point where I have had enough and then I am literally unstoppable.
Like a switch just turns on and suddenly I just cannot stop.
I kick ass and take names when i'm mad.
Which can be interesting.
But for the most part I focus my energy and emotions into accomplishing something.
The "mess" I was talking about yesterday usually goes something like a breaking point, I mope and then i mentally beat myself up enough that I don't want to hear it anymore that I switch and change my mentality.
It goes from impossible to possible.
So that is what happened.
I started by cleaning my room.
And then I made a list of everything I needed to do today.
Set some alarms.
And went to bed.
I think organizing my life into a list of every minuscule thing helps because my mind is already overthinking, I don't want to have to bring up the list of things to do.
So list done.
I woke up, drank some water and did a mini work out.
Made my bed and then some breakfast.
And started out on my list.
Worked on the blog.
Finished a job application.
Took a shower and got ready.
Dropped off a resume at There's no place like home.
Went and met with Whitney my internship lady, and I got an awesome little osprey hiking back pack as a thank you for the blogging i've done.
Went and dropped off the application.
Both places I went seemed interested so there is hope.
Came home, took a nap and then went to the Durango Art walk with the friends.
Spent the rest of the evening with them and then came home and here I am now.
And you know what? I got almost everything done.
The only thing I didn't get done was the "get a job" task.
But its getting there.
So yes I am an emotional roller coaster, but it just means I am passionate and I get shit done when I am upset.
So yes, this job hunt has now become my lesser.
Bring it on.
We've been over this and this is not new news for those of you that have the chance or in some ways misfortune of hearing my rants.
It has gotten better.
But one of the things about being passionate is that I will get to a certain point where I have had enough and then I am literally unstoppable.
Like a switch just turns on and suddenly I just cannot stop.
I kick ass and take names when i'm mad.
Which can be interesting.
But for the most part I focus my energy and emotions into accomplishing something.
The "mess" I was talking about yesterday usually goes something like a breaking point, I mope and then i mentally beat myself up enough that I don't want to hear it anymore that I switch and change my mentality.
It goes from impossible to possible.
So that is what happened.
I started by cleaning my room.
And then I made a list of everything I needed to do today.
Set some alarms.
And went to bed.
I think organizing my life into a list of every minuscule thing helps because my mind is already overthinking, I don't want to have to bring up the list of things to do.
So list done.
I woke up, drank some water and did a mini work out.
Made my bed and then some breakfast.
And started out on my list.
Worked on the blog.
Finished a job application.
Took a shower and got ready.
Dropped off a resume at There's no place like home.
Went and met with Whitney my internship lady, and I got an awesome little osprey hiking back pack as a thank you for the blogging i've done.
Went and dropped off the application.
Both places I went seemed interested so there is hope.
Came home, took a nap and then went to the Durango Art walk with the friends.
Spent the rest of the evening with them and then came home and here I am now.
And you know what? I got almost everything done.
The only thing I didn't get done was the "get a job" task.
But its getting there.
So yes I am an emotional roller coaster, but it just means I am passionate and I get shit done when I am upset.
So yes, this job hunt has now become my lesser.
Bring it on.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Fine.
We all break.
We have times where we are not fine.
We have times when we screw up.
We have times when we are over our heads.
We have times when just cant make the right decisions.
We have times when we just do not win.
Some days I do not win.
Actually this happens a lot.
Some things just don't come to me that easily.
Love and happily ever after is one.
Saying no is another.
Grasping topics are a hit or miss.
I sometimes think I may have a slight learning disability but that could be just me thinking too much into something.
I could be perfectly fine.
But sometimes I screw up.
On the surface I usually try to portray this calm.
Like I have my life together.
I can hold it together until it gets to a certain point.
And then it just spills out and makes a mess.
Today would be one of those days when I just cannot be in the right.
I feel like a hot mess.
And today was the day when it all spilled out.
So bear with me as I try to put this all back together.
The job hunt isn't going so well and I feel like i've been lazy too long.
I need to get off my ass and do something about it.
So i'm sorry for being a flake.
And i'm sorry for not being a full on adult.
I will try and do better tomorrow.
So here is me admitting that I am not fine.
But as with all great stories, you have to hit the bottom before you can climb your way out.
I will be fine, soon.
Onward and upward, right?
We have times where we are not fine.
We have times when we screw up.
We have times when we are over our heads.
We have times when just cant make the right decisions.
We have times when we just do not win.
Some days I do not win.
Actually this happens a lot.
Some things just don't come to me that easily.
Love and happily ever after is one.
Saying no is another.
Grasping topics are a hit or miss.
I sometimes think I may have a slight learning disability but that could be just me thinking too much into something.
I could be perfectly fine.
But sometimes I screw up.
On the surface I usually try to portray this calm.
Like I have my life together.
I can hold it together until it gets to a certain point.
And then it just spills out and makes a mess.
Today would be one of those days when I just cannot be in the right.
I feel like a hot mess.
And today was the day when it all spilled out.
So bear with me as I try to put this all back together.
The job hunt isn't going so well and I feel like i've been lazy too long.
I need to get off my ass and do something about it.
So i'm sorry for being a flake.
And i'm sorry for not being a full on adult.
I will try and do better tomorrow.
So here is me admitting that I am not fine.
But as with all great stories, you have to hit the bottom before you can climb your way out.
I will be fine, soon.
Onward and upward, right?
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
A love/hate relationship
Its with this pair of shoes.
The are the cutest kitten heels ever.
I bet you didn't see that coming??
So they are this gorgeous blue, with a pink floral pattern on them.
So freaking cute.
The downside of these adorable shoes is that they are terrible to walk in.
My massive feet somehow always catch the heel wrong and I wobble. And then I glare at the imaginary piece of sidewalk that decided to make me look silly.
But its the shoes!
And today I was adulting again and on the hunt for a job, which meant I thought it would be a brilliant idea to wear these heels.
Bad bad life choices...
For the first like 20 minutes or so they were OK, and then they started to burn,
And I had to push myself to walk into the last place because my feet hurt so much.
But I feel like I have a pretty good chance getting a job there!
But legitimately I had to take off my shoes whilst driving because they hurt so much, and I wasn't even putting any weight on my feet.
I hobbled into Ace, and got lights for my rear license plate.
Legitimately hobbled.
And you know how when you are trying to get stuff done and then people get in the way.
Right now the tourists are out in full force so there are plenty of slow walkers and drivers everywhere.
And plenty of choice words used whilst driving.
But of course as i'm walking into Ace, i'm stuck behind the most indecisive elderly couple that was taking up all this space so it was impossible to get around them.
But eventually I did and found what I think is the correct light.
But when I got home I took off my shoes and saw that all the pain was from 3 massive blisters on the edges of my feet, 2 mini ones on 2 toes, and the backs of my ankles are torn up.
So currently I have 3 band-aids on my right foot, 2 on my left and there is still that huge one covering the scrape.
Yep, I am winning at this falling apart as a supposed adult stuff.
Well tomorrow is Wednesday which means the day after that Deanna has off, and then this weekend is her 21st.
All I have to do is focus on getting a job, not hurting myself anymore, and then helping that gorgeous girl have a fabulous 21st and then also play some fairy godmother on her.
I guess I will have to dust off my wings...
Now if that one guy would just text me back already that would be just peachy!
The are the cutest kitten heels ever.
I bet you didn't see that coming??
So they are this gorgeous blue, with a pink floral pattern on them.
So freaking cute.
The downside of these adorable shoes is that they are terrible to walk in.
My massive feet somehow always catch the heel wrong and I wobble. And then I glare at the imaginary piece of sidewalk that decided to make me look silly.
But its the shoes!
And today I was adulting again and on the hunt for a job, which meant I thought it would be a brilliant idea to wear these heels.
Bad bad life choices...
For the first like 20 minutes or so they were OK, and then they started to burn,
And I had to push myself to walk into the last place because my feet hurt so much.
But I feel like I have a pretty good chance getting a job there!
But legitimately I had to take off my shoes whilst driving because they hurt so much, and I wasn't even putting any weight on my feet.
I hobbled into Ace, and got lights for my rear license plate.
Legitimately hobbled.
And you know how when you are trying to get stuff done and then people get in the way.
Right now the tourists are out in full force so there are plenty of slow walkers and drivers everywhere.
And plenty of choice words used whilst driving.
But of course as i'm walking into Ace, i'm stuck behind the most indecisive elderly couple that was taking up all this space so it was impossible to get around them.
But eventually I did and found what I think is the correct light.
But when I got home I took off my shoes and saw that all the pain was from 3 massive blisters on the edges of my feet, 2 mini ones on 2 toes, and the backs of my ankles are torn up.
So currently I have 3 band-aids on my right foot, 2 on my left and there is still that huge one covering the scrape.
Yep, I am winning at this falling apart as a supposed adult stuff.
Well tomorrow is Wednesday which means the day after that Deanna has off, and then this weekend is her 21st.
All I have to do is focus on getting a job, not hurting myself anymore, and then helping that gorgeous girl have a fabulous 21st and then also play some fairy godmother on her.
I guess I will have to dust off my wings...
Now if that one guy would just text me back already that would be just peachy!
Yeah, that wasn't the best idea... and GoT!
So I think how much danger we were truly in on Sunday finally hit on Monday.
The mommies were very concerned and for good reason.
I found out how fast the river actually was going.
And after our hazardous dismount and having the serious urge to kiss a rock, furry animal or person who also shared the ground I walked on, I knew we had been in over our heads.
Sorry Mom,Dad, Annamaries' mommy and Steve for worrying you.
We will be very careful next time.
And hopefully next time we will not come out of it with scrapes and the intense urge to kiss something/ someone.
But after a day of nursing this damn wound, I went over to Carter and Deanna's for a GAME OF THRONES NIGHT!
I had been gone the week prior so I needed to catch up with those hooligans WHO HAD WATCHED THE EPISODE WITH OUT ME!
Its OK i'm not too beat up about it.
They needed to kill time.
Plus the world cannot revolve around me.
So I watched the episode and then Carter had some friends over where we feasted on pizza and Bloody Marys.
And then we watched the new episode!
And it was AMAZING!!
I cannot believe that it is almost the end of this season.
I have to mentally prepare myself for this.
Sweet Jesus, this is not OK with me.
Oh my goodness the end of the episode, I was almost convinced that I should go purchase a nightlight like when I was a small child.
But I slept through the night!
The mommies were very concerned and for good reason.
I found out how fast the river actually was going.
And after our hazardous dismount and having the serious urge to kiss a rock, furry animal or person who also shared the ground I walked on, I knew we had been in over our heads.
Sorry Mom,Dad, Annamaries' mommy and Steve for worrying you.
We will be very careful next time.
And hopefully next time we will not come out of it with scrapes and the intense urge to kiss something/ someone.
But after a day of nursing this damn wound, I went over to Carter and Deanna's for a GAME OF THRONES NIGHT!
I had been gone the week prior so I needed to catch up with those hooligans WHO HAD WATCHED THE EPISODE WITH OUT ME!
Its OK i'm not too beat up about it.
They needed to kill time.
Plus the world cannot revolve around me.
So I watched the episode and then Carter had some friends over where we feasted on pizza and Bloody Marys.
And then we watched the new episode!
And it was AMAZING!!
I cannot believe that it is almost the end of this season.
I have to mentally prepare myself for this.
Sweet Jesus, this is not OK with me.
Oh my goodness the end of the episode, I was almost convinced that I should go purchase a nightlight like when I was a small child.
But I slept through the night!
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