So if you didn't know, my beautiful mom is a cancer survivor.
And cancer doesn't just hit one person, it hits everyone around them. Everyone that loves them. Its a community that is affected. So she didn't just survive. We all did.
On August 8th, 2012 I was sitting in my room probably around 1:30 in the afternoon and my mom comes in with tears in her eyes and tells me she has breast cancer.
My entire body just dropped. Not just my stomach but it felt like my entire body dropped.
I had no idea what to do and the next few days are a whirlwind of tears and a roller coaster of emotions.
I remember I went to scrumptious and got my mom a massive bag of juicy pear jellybellys which are her favorite.
Those days were some of the darkest I've ever had.
So many different phases of emotions.
Anger.
Sadness.
Pity.
Bargaining with God.
A lot of anger and crying.
I left exactly 2 weeks after around noon. Around 9 am that morning my mom had gotten a biopsy so suffice to say moving me in and riding in the car for 6 plus hours was not ideal for anyone involved.
Those first few weeks of class were awful.
New people and adjusting to being away from home.
Worrying about mom and when they dropped me off we didn't even know what stage cancer she had.
We had some sort of plan but I had no idea what to expect to hear from home.
But I tried to support them as much as I could from 6 hours away.
I found a great guy and even though it didn't work out with us he was there for me through it all. Thank you Grant.
He kept me sane through all the stress and transitions.
My very first band concert they came down to visit and this was the first time seeing my mom bald in person.
I was so proud to have her there with her little red hat.
So many ranges of emotions came out that semester. And I didn't make many friends because it felt like my thoughts were just consumed with her and I felt like I couldn't really let anyone in because my story was too intense and you don't want to lay that all out on a new friendship.
But I did make a few friends.
But my band teacher Dr. Walters knew about the whole thing and would always check up on me and see how I was doing. I am immensely thankful I found another educator that cared so much for his students. And I cant tell you how many times I was a ball of tears in his office.
Thank god for Walters.
It was hard to focus on trivial things like making friends when my mind was all encompassed with my moms fight.
I skyped them after her first chemo and she was just drained like i've never seen.
She is so important in our family. We knew mom was feeling ok when she would cook. And she had to give that up. She had to give up feeding her family and let that responsibility fall to our family and community
I think that was hardest out of anything else.
Was to admit that we were not OK.
That we needed help.
Our family is known for being the go-getters, the ones that made something happen.
Now we had to ask for help.
That was the hardest. Admitting you are not OK.
I've only see my dad choke up once, at that was at church, the Sunday after my mom had her last chemo.
I never thought I would ever see that.
Dad is the rock.
Mom is the glue.
But on January 31st 2013, 2 days after my brothers 21st birthday, my mom had a double mastectomy with reconstruction.
She did not feel well but she made it through.
We all made it through.
That week was extremely stressful and I was just waiting around to see how mom did in surgery.
She did beautifully and for weeks after she had to sleep with a wedge like pillow because for the reconstruction they used skin from her stomach so her stomach was super tight.
But when I came home for spring break she was getting her hair back and she was a completely different woman.
Good different.
Stronger and I knew we had weathered the storm and had come out stronger than before.
You never know how much someone means to you until there's a chance they may be taken from you.
That year we learned how much family and community means to us.
That you can never replace a single person in your life.
We weathered the storm and even though it was some of the hardest most stressful months of my life, that next year when our family had our survivor party, I knew we could go through anything now.
Life is full of plenty of challenges and even though it was the worst time, it changed us all for the better.
Her battle scars show how much of a fighter she is.
I'm glad that I have battle scars too.
They are just scars and they have a great story to go along with them.
They say that you were stronger than what was trying to kill you.
So go hug all the survivors in your life.
Tell them how much they mean to you.
Go tell your family, friends, and beloved communications professors how much they have impacted your life.
You are so much stronger than you believe.
Remember that.
No comments:
Post a Comment