Someone legitimately said that to me today!
I don't particularly like her in general.
And I personally think she doesn't have that large of boobs.
She just wears big bras.
I mean I have C's
That's pretty good!
I'm freaking proportionate!
I don't have all that large of boobs or butt.
And IT WORKS FOR ME!
My hourglass figure looks good because it has equal amounts of sand at either end.
But you know whats nice about not having gargantuan boobs?
Bandeaus. In the summer with a cute sundress. Yes i'm the girl that can pull that off.
Sports Bras.
Most of the time my bras are on sale at the Victoria Secret Semi-Annual Sales.
So take that!
I don't have back problems because of them.
They fill dresses but they don't make so much cleavage that people cant focus.
I'm a classy lady here!
I mean it would look weird if I had massive boobs and no butt.
Or the other way around.
For my frame my proportions work.
I mean really i'm 5'10".
If I had massive curves i'd have to be built differently.
And lets be honest, i'd fall over.
I still fall over but its not due to curves.
Its because i'm the furthest thing from graceful.
Sure I try to steer away from strapless dresses.
Or things with really low cleavage.
It just doesn't work for me.
Everyone has pieces of clothing they cant wear because of their body type.
Its just how the world works.
I definitely need to have something with a waist or else I look like a long rectangle.
I also cant wear super short shorts because certain lengths make me look better than others.
The ever so slightly longer than the super shorts work.
Or apparently high waisted shorts work well for me because they aren't too short and accent my waist.
Personally some of the prettiest parts of a woman just in my opinion as a straight woman are the waist and legs.
God did really good on those parts of us.
Am I right ladies or what??
But I think my parts work just fine for me!
So take that!
I have boobs!
Mine just aren't melons!
On the plus side the guy I texted whilst slightly tipsy thought it was adorable that I did that.
So that's a plus.
I just said he was cute.
Nothing huge guys!
Monday, March 30, 2015
The last leg
The last leg of school to do before summer is about the worst.
The warm weather is now teasing you.
And I just broke out my first pair of sandals this year.
My toes were so happy.
They told me.
Were all thrilled.
I mean its like a month away.
Which seems forever.
And there's a lot to do.
And not that much time to do it.
I am not ready to be senior.
I am not ready to be a full on adult in a little over a year.
I am not ready to fully fall in love again.
But in this next year I will learn a lot.
I will meet new people.
I will get some experience in my field.
I might meet someone.
I'll grow some more. Both emotionally and mentally. That's something i'm good at. Growing.
I'll probably go on some good dates.
And I will definitely go on some bad dates.
But I will change and it will be fine.
Come on guys lets finish strong!
Go on some dates!
The warm weather is now teasing you.
And I just broke out my first pair of sandals this year.
My toes were so happy.
They told me.
Were all thrilled.
I mean its like a month away.
Which seems forever.
And there's a lot to do.
And not that much time to do it.
I am not ready to be senior.
I am not ready to be a full on adult in a little over a year.
I am not ready to fully fall in love again.
But in this next year I will learn a lot.
I will meet new people.
I will get some experience in my field.
I might meet someone.
I'll grow some more. Both emotionally and mentally. That's something i'm good at. Growing.
I'll probably go on some good dates.
And I will definitely go on some bad dates.
But I will change and it will be fine.
Come on guys lets finish strong!
Go on some dates!
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Our aussie/blue heeler has now become a house pet
So for the longest time I've had dogs.
We love dogs.
We are just dog people.
We had a cat once on accident.
But that's because she just kind of became a part of our family.
And after she passed away we just never got another cat.
But dogs. Yes the dogs are our pets of choice.
And we get big dogs.
Well not huge but descent size.
I remember we had Buster a black lab and Bandit a chow/Aussie when I was a kid.
And then when Buster passed on we got Rusty a Collie/ Aussie with no tail.
Buster was Bandits baby so when he died she howled and howled and it was so sad.
So we had to get her another baby.
That was Rusty.
Sweetest and weirdest dog but he was wonderful.
After Bandit died we tried a few other shelter dogs that didn't quite fit until we found Buffy.
A scruffy blue heeler/Aussie who lived on a cattle ranch and was put up for adoption because she chased the cows on her feed lot.
Shes an Aussie.
Of course she herded the cows...
So for the longest time we had Rust and Buff.
And then last year after having Rusty for 14.5 years we put him down.
He wasn't doing well and really for being 17 which is over 100 in dog years he was doing great until like the last few months.
But he really didn't start acting old until 16.
He was a wonderful dog.
Anyways we had to put him down a few days before we went to Europe.
And when we came back Buff was so used to being in the house now and being a house dog that she just sort of stayed.
After like 12 years of being a rough and tumble outside dog she just transitioned to be a pampered inside dog.
Which I was not used to.
The dogs had their space and their rules and that was good.
Now she follows us around everywhere!
She sleeps in Claire's room on a blanket with two yes two pillows!
She only goes outside if we leave the house during the day.
But if its dark and cold, we'll just close the bathroom doors and leave her in the house.
A year ago there was no way that would ever happen!
The dogs slept in the garage and were only allowed on the tile.
Now since rusty is gone everything has gone away!
She has scared me multiple times in the morning when i'm home because she'll open the door and the come over and nudge my hand because she wants love and scares me half to death because suddenly there's a big black dog wanting love.
And I don't have the best vision so its all very jarring.
Now shes allowed in the kitchen during meal times.
And don't even get me started about trying to cook anything when shes around.
She is literally underfoot and acts like we are in her way.
I still love this dog to death and she is pretty darn adorable.
Its just a transition from what I grew up with.
But I do like her in the house.
Shes a great and lovable dog.
We love dogs.
We are just dog people.
We had a cat once on accident.
But that's because she just kind of became a part of our family.
And after she passed away we just never got another cat.
But dogs. Yes the dogs are our pets of choice.
And we get big dogs.
Well not huge but descent size.
I remember we had Buster a black lab and Bandit a chow/Aussie when I was a kid.
And then when Buster passed on we got Rusty a Collie/ Aussie with no tail.
Buster was Bandits baby so when he died she howled and howled and it was so sad.
So we had to get her another baby.
That was Rusty.
Sweetest and weirdest dog but he was wonderful.
After Bandit died we tried a few other shelter dogs that didn't quite fit until we found Buffy.
A scruffy blue heeler/Aussie who lived on a cattle ranch and was put up for adoption because she chased the cows on her feed lot.
Shes an Aussie.
Of course she herded the cows...
So for the longest time we had Rust and Buff.
And then last year after having Rusty for 14.5 years we put him down.
He wasn't doing well and really for being 17 which is over 100 in dog years he was doing great until like the last few months.
But he really didn't start acting old until 16.
He was a wonderful dog.
Anyways we had to put him down a few days before we went to Europe.
And when we came back Buff was so used to being in the house now and being a house dog that she just sort of stayed.
After like 12 years of being a rough and tumble outside dog she just transitioned to be a pampered inside dog.
Which I was not used to.
The dogs had their space and their rules and that was good.
Now she follows us around everywhere!
She sleeps in Claire's room on a blanket with two yes two pillows!
She only goes outside if we leave the house during the day.
But if its dark and cold, we'll just close the bathroom doors and leave her in the house.
A year ago there was no way that would ever happen!
The dogs slept in the garage and were only allowed on the tile.
Now since rusty is gone everything has gone away!
She has scared me multiple times in the morning when i'm home because she'll open the door and the come over and nudge my hand because she wants love and scares me half to death because suddenly there's a big black dog wanting love.
And I don't have the best vision so its all very jarring.
Now shes allowed in the kitchen during meal times.
And don't even get me started about trying to cook anything when shes around.
She is literally underfoot and acts like we are in her way.
I still love this dog to death and she is pretty darn adorable.
Its just a transition from what I grew up with.
But I do like her in the house.
Shes a great and lovable dog.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
My "21st birthday" celebration
So long story short on my 21st there was a snow storm and due to scheduling issues and me not realizing how important it was to go to the DMV and get my new drivers license, I didn't go out for my 21st really over winter break.
It was mostly all my fault because I was being a spaz and not getting my new ID.
I mean really who wants to wait in line for like 3 hours at the DMV??
If you want to hear about my love of the DMV and when I got my over 21 ID, its one of my first blogs. I think its like day 4 or 5.
NO ONE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD WILL LIKE GOING TO THE DMV.
So here we are 3 months later and back home with ID in hand and getting to hang out and go out with my cool older cousin Courtney.
And she has this good friend Rochelle who has a little sister who just recently turned 21 and the little sister also has a boyfriend who is also in the same boat.
So we have like 3 people who have recently turned 21 in this group.
And we go out.
AND I WAS VERY VERY SAFE MOM.
You can ask Courtney.
I kissed a buffalo.
And we got one of those fishbowl things that's in a legitimate fishbowl with bendy straws.
And we danced like crazy people at Tahona on pearl street.
And I got to have one of those flaming shots.
And I drank a lot of water. Courtney made me.
It was just fun to go out and have another night like I did a few months ago.
Pretending like it was my 21st even though it was 3 months ago.
I just liked being in a new environment.
Not as much the drinking part.
But letting go a little bit and being free.
My mind was finally quiet last night.
I just had fun.
I wasn't so wound up tight.
A quiet mind at least in my world is a happy mind.
This just means i'm not over thinking everything.
It was nice to be free.
And hang out with Courtney and the group.
But to let go.
That's a simple joy in this life
It was mostly all my fault because I was being a spaz and not getting my new ID.
I mean really who wants to wait in line for like 3 hours at the DMV??
If you want to hear about my love of the DMV and when I got my over 21 ID, its one of my first blogs. I think its like day 4 or 5.
NO ONE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD WILL LIKE GOING TO THE DMV.
So here we are 3 months later and back home with ID in hand and getting to hang out and go out with my cool older cousin Courtney.
And she has this good friend Rochelle who has a little sister who just recently turned 21 and the little sister also has a boyfriend who is also in the same boat.
So we have like 3 people who have recently turned 21 in this group.
And we go out.
AND I WAS VERY VERY SAFE MOM.
You can ask Courtney.
I kissed a buffalo.
And we got one of those fishbowl things that's in a legitimate fishbowl with bendy straws.
And we danced like crazy people at Tahona on pearl street.
And I got to have one of those flaming shots.
And I drank a lot of water. Courtney made me.
It was just fun to go out and have another night like I did a few months ago.
Pretending like it was my 21st even though it was 3 months ago.
I just liked being in a new environment.
Not as much the drinking part.
But letting go a little bit and being free.
My mind was finally quiet last night.
I just had fun.
I wasn't so wound up tight.
A quiet mind at least in my world is a happy mind.
This just means i'm not over thinking everything.
It was nice to be free.
And hang out with Courtney and the group.
But to let go.
That's a simple joy in this life
Service and Claire comes home from Italy
I've always believe in karma.
That if you put good energy out in the world, some of it will come back to you.
I really try to live my life by the phrase "do unto others and you would have them do onto you."
I really try.
And i'm not perfect ever but at least i'm trying.
Anyways service.
Growing up in a christian church there is a lot to do with giving back.
I've gone on a number of mission trips to Alamosa Colorado and worked in their soup kitchen.
Giving back is probably one of the most satisfying things you can do.
The other day my mom and I went over to a friend of ours who's husband was just recently diagnosed with a serious medical condition and needs to be watched constantly.
We just went over to help with some house chores since three hands are better than one.
Just spending a little over an hour just doing some easy basic chores really meant a lot to her and to us.
You really take your health and the relationships you have sometimes for granted.
She was so appreciative of the little amount of time we spent there but knowing that we made a difference to her.
That we alleviated some stress is what was the best.
We made her day better.
And you cant get much more heartwarming than that
AND CLAIRE FINALLY CAME HOME FROM ITALY AT 12:15 AM!!
Poor thing was so tired.
Caleb her boyfriend even tagged along which was sweet.
I made a sign that said "Benvenuto Claire!" which means something like welcome home in Italian.
And she was definitely so happy to see us and get to bed after traveling for over 24 hours.
She also came back with no voice but with plenty of stories about amazing food, far off places, and apparently a lot of merchandise has David's (the famous naked statue David) penis on it.
We've now coined a new joke.
The overly enthusiastic selfie stick sellers that would swarm the buses of students.
I now have a necklace and earrings of Venetian glass which is wonderful.
If you ever need an idea for me for a gift.
Get me unique jewelry.
I love that stuff.
I cant wait to see what other adventures our little world traveler will have in her future.
Shes going to go far.
I can just feel it.
That if you put good energy out in the world, some of it will come back to you.
I really try to live my life by the phrase "do unto others and you would have them do onto you."
I really try.
And i'm not perfect ever but at least i'm trying.
Anyways service.
Growing up in a christian church there is a lot to do with giving back.
I've gone on a number of mission trips to Alamosa Colorado and worked in their soup kitchen.
Giving back is probably one of the most satisfying things you can do.
The other day my mom and I went over to a friend of ours who's husband was just recently diagnosed with a serious medical condition and needs to be watched constantly.
We just went over to help with some house chores since three hands are better than one.
Just spending a little over an hour just doing some easy basic chores really meant a lot to her and to us.
You really take your health and the relationships you have sometimes for granted.
She was so appreciative of the little amount of time we spent there but knowing that we made a difference to her.
That we alleviated some stress is what was the best.
We made her day better.
And you cant get much more heartwarming than that
AND CLAIRE FINALLY CAME HOME FROM ITALY AT 12:15 AM!!
Poor thing was so tired.
Caleb her boyfriend even tagged along which was sweet.
I made a sign that said "Benvenuto Claire!" which means something like welcome home in Italian.
And she was definitely so happy to see us and get to bed after traveling for over 24 hours.
She also came back with no voice but with plenty of stories about amazing food, far off places, and apparently a lot of merchandise has David's (the famous naked statue David) penis on it.
We've now coined a new joke.
The overly enthusiastic selfie stick sellers that would swarm the buses of students.
I now have a necklace and earrings of Venetian glass which is wonderful.
If you ever need an idea for me for a gift.
Get me unique jewelry.
I love that stuff.
I cant wait to see what other adventures our little world traveler will have in her future.
Shes going to go far.
I can just feel it.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
I saw Cinderella twice in one day...because i'm a small child
Just so we are all clear, I'm pretty sure in a previous life I was the inspiration for a Disney princess.
Just saying.
Don't be too jealous.
Previous life me was just awesome.
Current me is still working on this whole love and happily ever after shindig.
BUT I SAW THE NEW CINDERELLA TWICE YESTERDAY
If were not Facebook friends you may not have caught on how excited I was for this live action of a classic fairy tale to come out.
I've always loved fairy tales.
Maybe its the whole happily ever after.
Maybe its the dreamy prince,
Maybe its the falling head over heels for the right man.
Maybe its the incredible dresses.
Or maybe its just the magic and the imagination that go into a fairy tale.
I mean really I have a mermaid tail.
I brought a tiara with me to Germany so I could take a picture and pretend i'm a princess in a castle.
I'm extremely girly and I have a wild imagination.
You can never really turn off my mind from over thinking.
That's certainly easier said than done.
I'm still waiting for the one person to come along that can quiet this wild mind.
Which might also explain why I sometimes stutter. My mind is thinking too fast and the words cant come out fast enough.
Someone to quiet my mind would be a feat.
That would mean that i'm finally at peace.
I'm not worrying about anything.
The thoughts have decided to stop racing for once.
I can relax.
A prince.
The ideal man.
But I don't want perfect.
I just want acceptance.
To not run.
To love.
My prince would know that neither of us are perfect.
That i'm trying my best.
That I just need someone to stand the storm with me.
See me as an equal and not as a lesser or greater person.
Equals.
Off topic thing for a second about equals.
When I get married I'm going to add his last name to mine.
So it will be Julia Grace Volzke- his last name.
That's the name I've had my entire life and i'm not changing it for a man. I'm adding to it.
A new chapter in my life.
And I expect him to do the same
So i'd be like Prince Edward Volzke- Charming
We are equals and so we should share the same last name.
He is becoming part of my family as I am a part of his.
This is the feminist in me coming out so rant is now done.
You can go back to my happily ever after fun.
I've loved the magic of fairy tales.
The truth.
Good always triumphs over evil.
And that's what happens in the new Cinderella.
SPOILERS AHEAD!!
Cinderella is not a damsel in distress.
She is kind and smart and very humble.
She works her ass off and she has a terrible home life but her sadness leads her to the forest where she meets the prince.
Who is absolutely gorgeous and loves her for her personality first and her kindness.
She believes in magic and the goodness of the world.
She is much stronger than the forces that try to take her down.
And her strength is rewarded.
This Cinderella definitely goes more into the emotional effects living in that situation would do to her.
She gets to go to the ball in the most enchanting dress I've ever seen.
Like its legendary and the most perfect massive ball gown.
I really want a dress like that.
A princess dress.
And the glass slippers are everything you've ever imagined.
The dress transformation scene is perfect and reminiscent of the original Cnderella.
She is no longer the ragged servant girl.
She goes after what she wants.
And the princes eyes perfectly match her dress.
Little touches like that just make it too wonderful.
She protects the kingdom and the prince from the corrupt plan her step mother has in store.
Even though it means the only way to really prove that shes the one is now gone because the evil step-mother breaks the glass slipper.
But she figures it out.
And in the end good triumphs over evil.
And she marries the prince and lives happily ever after,
And then at the end she has mercy for her wicked step-mother and sisters.
I really hate Drisella the most of the step sisters.
Shes the one that comes up with the name Cinderella.
Shes the most evil of the sister.
But I adore Cinderella.
She is the best version of herself.
She is the perfect fairy tale princess.
She is so graceful.
And I just want to be a freaking princess some days.
Just saying.
Don't be too jealous.
Previous life me was just awesome.
Current me is still working on this whole love and happily ever after shindig.
BUT I SAW THE NEW CINDERELLA TWICE YESTERDAY
If were not Facebook friends you may not have caught on how excited I was for this live action of a classic fairy tale to come out.
I've always loved fairy tales.
Maybe its the whole happily ever after.
Maybe its the dreamy prince,
Maybe its the falling head over heels for the right man.
Maybe its the incredible dresses.
Or maybe its just the magic and the imagination that go into a fairy tale.
I mean really I have a mermaid tail.
I brought a tiara with me to Germany so I could take a picture and pretend i'm a princess in a castle.
I'm extremely girly and I have a wild imagination.
You can never really turn off my mind from over thinking.
That's certainly easier said than done.
I'm still waiting for the one person to come along that can quiet this wild mind.
Which might also explain why I sometimes stutter. My mind is thinking too fast and the words cant come out fast enough.
Someone to quiet my mind would be a feat.
That would mean that i'm finally at peace.
I'm not worrying about anything.
The thoughts have decided to stop racing for once.
I can relax.
A prince.
The ideal man.
But I don't want perfect.
I just want acceptance.
To not run.
To love.
My prince would know that neither of us are perfect.
That i'm trying my best.
That I just need someone to stand the storm with me.
See me as an equal and not as a lesser or greater person.
Equals.
Off topic thing for a second about equals.
When I get married I'm going to add his last name to mine.
So it will be Julia Grace Volzke- his last name.
That's the name I've had my entire life and i'm not changing it for a man. I'm adding to it.
A new chapter in my life.
And I expect him to do the same
So i'd be like Prince Edward Volzke- Charming
We are equals and so we should share the same last name.
He is becoming part of my family as I am a part of his.
This is the feminist in me coming out so rant is now done.
You can go back to my happily ever after fun.
I've loved the magic of fairy tales.
The truth.
Good always triumphs over evil.
And that's what happens in the new Cinderella.
SPOILERS AHEAD!!
Cinderella is not a damsel in distress.
She is kind and smart and very humble.
She works her ass off and she has a terrible home life but her sadness leads her to the forest where she meets the prince.
Who is absolutely gorgeous and loves her for her personality first and her kindness.
She believes in magic and the goodness of the world.
She is much stronger than the forces that try to take her down.
And her strength is rewarded.
This Cinderella definitely goes more into the emotional effects living in that situation would do to her.
She gets to go to the ball in the most enchanting dress I've ever seen.
Like its legendary and the most perfect massive ball gown.
I really want a dress like that.
A princess dress.
And the glass slippers are everything you've ever imagined.
The dress transformation scene is perfect and reminiscent of the original Cnderella.
She is no longer the ragged servant girl.
She goes after what she wants.
And the princes eyes perfectly match her dress.
Little touches like that just make it too wonderful.
She protects the kingdom and the prince from the corrupt plan her step mother has in store.
Even though it means the only way to really prove that shes the one is now gone because the evil step-mother breaks the glass slipper.
But she figures it out.
And in the end good triumphs over evil.
And she marries the prince and lives happily ever after,
And then at the end she has mercy for her wicked step-mother and sisters.
I really hate Drisella the most of the step sisters.
Shes the one that comes up with the name Cinderella.
Shes the most evil of the sister.
But I adore Cinderella.
She is the best version of herself.
She is the perfect fairy tale princess.
She is so graceful.
And I just want to be a freaking princess some days.
Everyone is growing up
Is it just me or is everyone growing up and having babies and getting engaged or married.
And i'm just over here excited that I found Pirate Booty
which is pretty much the kid equivalent of crack, in Durango.
Most of my friends are almost or over 21 at this point.
Which means we can and do go and drink at bars.
Now to give you some context i'm that goody two shoes who never snuck into bars or got a fake.
So now i'm allowed to be in a bar and I haven't even been to that many.
Like I suddenly turned 21 and then realized that I could legally drink.
It didnt really occur to me before this.
This is all coming around because the other day I went up to Fort Collins with my dear friend Liz.
She just had a darling baby named Abigail Alexis Cook.
I wrote a blog at the beginning of march entitled her name and all the things I want to do with her.
Anyways Liz and I have known each other forever and now were just in different stages in our lives.
She just became a mom and shes doing wonderfully at it.
She has fully embraced adulthood and motherhood head on.
And i'm just over here still figuring out what the heck i'm doing with my life.
But I like being 21 and not knowing everything.
My future isnt set just yet.
Also later that day I saw my good friend Paige at CSU and then later on we were joined by our good friend Kelsey.
We've all been friend since middle school.
And then we went out to dinner at this place called The Laboratory in FoCo.
Let me just say its awesome and has great mac and cheese.
And we all got alcoholic drinks for the first time since we've all been 21.
And it was weird and great.
I didnt feel old enough to be able to go up to the bar, hand over my ID and order a big girl drink.
This whole being old is odd and great.
So lets raise a drink to new experiences.
And i'm just over here excited that I found Pirate Booty
which is pretty much the kid equivalent of crack, in Durango.
Most of my friends are almost or over 21 at this point.
Which means we can and do go and drink at bars.
Now to give you some context i'm that goody two shoes who never snuck into bars or got a fake.
So now i'm allowed to be in a bar and I haven't even been to that many.
Like I suddenly turned 21 and then realized that I could legally drink.
It didnt really occur to me before this.
This is all coming around because the other day I went up to Fort Collins with my dear friend Liz.
She just had a darling baby named Abigail Alexis Cook.
I wrote a blog at the beginning of march entitled her name and all the things I want to do with her.
Anyways Liz and I have known each other forever and now were just in different stages in our lives.
She just became a mom and shes doing wonderfully at it.
She has fully embraced adulthood and motherhood head on.
And i'm just over here still figuring out what the heck i'm doing with my life.
But I like being 21 and not knowing everything.
My future isnt set just yet.
Also later that day I saw my good friend Paige at CSU and then later on we were joined by our good friend Kelsey.
We've all been friend since middle school.
And then we went out to dinner at this place called The Laboratory in FoCo.
Let me just say its awesome and has great mac and cheese.
And we all got alcoholic drinks for the first time since we've all been 21.
And it was weird and great.
I didnt feel old enough to be able to go up to the bar, hand over my ID and order a big girl drink.
This whole being old is odd and great.
So lets raise a drink to new experiences.
The only middle child conundrum
So for my entire life I've never been alone.
Being the middle child I guess has that one perk.
Actually being the middle child isn't too bad.
But this is my first ever experience of being an only middle child.
Currently Claire is freaking in Italy on a band trip.
I'm so jealous but I know shes having a fantastic time!
Love her so much.
And Owen just moved out a month or so ago.
So I get to see him occasionally.
But right now i'm back home and the only child.
And its the weirdest thing ever.
I've always had at least another sibling here with me.
Before Claire was born it was O and I.
And then Claire came along.
And I was forever the middle.
But when O went off to college I had Claire.
And then I went off to college Claire was like an only child.
Then O moved back in and it was like all the chicks were back in the nest.
AND NOW OWEN IS MOVED OUT AND CLAIRE IS AWAY AND I'M ALL ALONE!
And I don't know how to process it.
The parentals just focusing on me.
Just me.
Only me.
The filling in the sibling sandwich child.
Its so weird being the only when you are the middle child.
So odd.
Thank god Claire is coming home tonight so its not so weird!
I cant wait to see her!
Being the middle child I guess has that one perk.
Actually being the middle child isn't too bad.
But this is my first ever experience of being an only middle child.
Currently Claire is freaking in Italy on a band trip.
I'm so jealous but I know shes having a fantastic time!
Love her so much.
And Owen just moved out a month or so ago.
So I get to see him occasionally.
But right now i'm back home and the only child.
And its the weirdest thing ever.
I've always had at least another sibling here with me.
Before Claire was born it was O and I.
And then Claire came along.
And I was forever the middle.
But when O went off to college I had Claire.
And then I went off to college Claire was like an only child.
Then O moved back in and it was like all the chicks were back in the nest.
AND NOW OWEN IS MOVED OUT AND CLAIRE IS AWAY AND I'M ALL ALONE!
And I don't know how to process it.
The parentals just focusing on me.
Just me.
Only me.
The filling in the sibling sandwich child.
Its so weird being the only when you are the middle child.
So odd.
Thank god Claire is coming home tonight so its not so weird!
I cant wait to see her!
Take me to church
Did you know that Hozier is actually 6'5" tall?
Yeah hes a tall dude.
Anyways were going into uncharted territory today.
Its about religion and my experience with church.
Now as a disclaimer i'm not trying to convert anyone, give any impressions or anything negative.
This is just me and church.
So I've been going to the same church my entire life.
The First United Church of Arvada.
That's where my mom and grandma and some of my aunts and uncles went when they were younger.
I was baptized in that church.
My Mormor is the church secretary
SHOUT OUT TO THE BEST SWEDISH MORMOR EVER! LOVE YOU!
I mean really were that adorable.
Its a tiny church in urban Arvada and i love it.
Its like a second family for me.
I don't go to church in Durango because I've found a family back home to worship with and I like my church just the way it is.
They all support me there and ask me about college.
Its not like i'm fully home until I go to church for the first time back.
I affiliate with the United Church of Christ which is a very open community.
We have had a couple of gay couples in the past and a transgender pastor,
We accept everyone.
Which I love because organized religion these days gets a bad rap because there are some that do not accept everyone.
I believe in a larger being, an all knowing thing.
I believe in multiple lives and reincarnation.
I believe in souls.
I believe in giving good energy into the world and getting good back.
I believe in signs and karma.
I believe that Jesus was a person, a teacher.
I believe that we can all go to heaven, everyone has a redeeming quality.
I believe the that human race is generally programmed to be good.
I believe in an afterlife.
This is just what I believe and if you don't agree that's OK.
I'm not going to get into an argument about what I believe because it will just become a shouting match.
So there we go guys.
New territory conquered today!
Yeah hes a tall dude.
Anyways were going into uncharted territory today.
Its about religion and my experience with church.
Now as a disclaimer i'm not trying to convert anyone, give any impressions or anything negative.
This is just me and church.
So I've been going to the same church my entire life.
The First United Church of Arvada.
That's where my mom and grandma and some of my aunts and uncles went when they were younger.
I was baptized in that church.
My Mormor is the church secretary
SHOUT OUT TO THE BEST SWEDISH MORMOR EVER! LOVE YOU!
I mean really were that adorable.
Its a tiny church in urban Arvada and i love it.
Its like a second family for me.
I don't go to church in Durango because I've found a family back home to worship with and I like my church just the way it is.
They all support me there and ask me about college.
Its not like i'm fully home until I go to church for the first time back.
I affiliate with the United Church of Christ which is a very open community.
We have had a couple of gay couples in the past and a transgender pastor,
We accept everyone.
Which I love because organized religion these days gets a bad rap because there are some that do not accept everyone.
I believe in a larger being, an all knowing thing.
I believe in multiple lives and reincarnation.
I believe in souls.
I believe in giving good energy into the world and getting good back.
I believe in signs and karma.
I believe that Jesus was a person, a teacher.
I believe that we can all go to heaven, everyone has a redeeming quality.
I believe the that human race is generally programmed to be good.
I believe in an afterlife.
This is just what I believe and if you don't agree that's OK.
I'm not going to get into an argument about what I believe because it will just become a shouting match.
So there we go guys.
New territory conquered today!
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Mommy.
My mother was born on March 21st 1965.
And this past Saturday was her 50th, holy crap 50th birthday!
My mom grew up in Denver and then they moved to Arvada.
She went to Arvada West and graduated in 1983.
She met my dad when they both were just 21.
She had had a couple of hard years prior to then and had just gotten out of a nasty break up when she met my dad at a bar.
A group of her guy friends were meeting a friend of theirs and they invited her along.
They met and it took my dad a month to ask her out.
Three months after that they were engaged.
About a year later they were married and here we are almost 28 years later.
I love my mom so much.
In so many ways we are similar and its kind of odd.
First thing that most people notice is that my mom and I have the same golden brown eyes.
Big brown eyes that can be a bit mischievous.
We share those and we are the only two in my immediate family that do.
My dad has green, Claire hazel and Owen blue.
We match.
The same brown eyes that run through the family.
My Mormor and my Grandma Janet both have these brown eyes and many of the women have these big brown eyes.
Along with a few guys but for the most part the women have the brown eyes.
My mom is 1 of many siblings.
She has 2 older sisters 2 younger sisters and 2 younger brothers.
So suffice to say that side is pretty packed.
Were pretty much the Swedish version of the family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
My mom is also a fighter.
She lost her dad when she was 20.
My dad never knew him but I think if he were still alive he would have been a great grandpa to have in all of our lives.
And 2 weeks before I went off to my first year of college at Fort Lewis she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.
That was a scary time and i'm truly thankful for all those that stood by me and helped me when I had rough days.
She fought it off with chemo and then had a double mastectomy with reconstruction.
She lost her hair and I remember her coming to my first ever band concert in her little hat.
I was so proud to have her there.
We've both struggled with accepting ourselves.
My sister Claire has always been comfortable in her skin.
Shes always had a path and has always loved herself.
Its hard for the brown eyed girls sometimes to love all of our quirks.
We both have bad days and take things personally.
I guessing when she was my age she was very similar to me with her relationships.
I fall too hard and I put my heart into everything.
Which makes me vulnerable.
And I get hurt a lot.
But the thing about getting hurt a lot is that you are able to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.
We both know that chocolate and ice cream are our vices.
We both cry a lot.
But that'ts just because we both have pent up emotions that need to be let out.
There's strength in knowing how you tick.
There's also strength in being able to walk through a storm.
We know how to do both.
My parents are a great pair.
They are both lucky to have each other.
Both of my parents have supported me through a lot.
Both have gone through countless band concerts.
My mom has always been the band mom.
She has outfitted my old high school marching band every year for the past 8 years.
She knows that closet like the back of her hand.
Everyone knows her and she helps out and every chance to help the band improve.
Another thing is that neither of us can say no easily.
We hate letting people down and we like to please.
That's at least my mentality.
I like to make things happen.
We are both the catalysts.
So we try our hardest to make everything happen.
Which makes for some crazy schedules
But we both like to be busy.
We like to help.
We like to love.
We are women that need things to do.
We believe and wish.
We encourage
We love so much more than we really should.
We are fighters.
And I am proud to be her daughter.
I am proud to have half of my DNA come from her.
I am proud to call her my mom.
Because she is the best.
And this past Saturday was her 50th, holy crap 50th birthday!
My mom grew up in Denver and then they moved to Arvada.
She went to Arvada West and graduated in 1983.
She met my dad when they both were just 21.
She had had a couple of hard years prior to then and had just gotten out of a nasty break up when she met my dad at a bar.
A group of her guy friends were meeting a friend of theirs and they invited her along.
They met and it took my dad a month to ask her out.
Three months after that they were engaged.
About a year later they were married and here we are almost 28 years later.
I love my mom so much.
In so many ways we are similar and its kind of odd.
First thing that most people notice is that my mom and I have the same golden brown eyes.
Big brown eyes that can be a bit mischievous.
We share those and we are the only two in my immediate family that do.
My dad has green, Claire hazel and Owen blue.
We match.
The same brown eyes that run through the family.
My Mormor and my Grandma Janet both have these brown eyes and many of the women have these big brown eyes.
Along with a few guys but for the most part the women have the brown eyes.
My mom is 1 of many siblings.
She has 2 older sisters 2 younger sisters and 2 younger brothers.
So suffice to say that side is pretty packed.
Were pretty much the Swedish version of the family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
My mom is also a fighter.
She lost her dad when she was 20.
My dad never knew him but I think if he were still alive he would have been a great grandpa to have in all of our lives.
And 2 weeks before I went off to my first year of college at Fort Lewis she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.
That was a scary time and i'm truly thankful for all those that stood by me and helped me when I had rough days.
She fought it off with chemo and then had a double mastectomy with reconstruction.
She lost her hair and I remember her coming to my first ever band concert in her little hat.
I was so proud to have her there.
We've both struggled with accepting ourselves.
My sister Claire has always been comfortable in her skin.
Shes always had a path and has always loved herself.
Its hard for the brown eyed girls sometimes to love all of our quirks.
We both have bad days and take things personally.
I guessing when she was my age she was very similar to me with her relationships.
I fall too hard and I put my heart into everything.
Which makes me vulnerable.
And I get hurt a lot.
But the thing about getting hurt a lot is that you are able to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.
We both know that chocolate and ice cream are our vices.
We both cry a lot.
But that'ts just because we both have pent up emotions that need to be let out.
There's strength in knowing how you tick.
There's also strength in being able to walk through a storm.
We know how to do both.
My parents are a great pair.
They are both lucky to have each other.
Both of my parents have supported me through a lot.
Both have gone through countless band concerts.
My mom has always been the band mom.
She has outfitted my old high school marching band every year for the past 8 years.
She knows that closet like the back of her hand.
Everyone knows her and she helps out and every chance to help the band improve.
Another thing is that neither of us can say no easily.
We hate letting people down and we like to please.
That's at least my mentality.
I like to make things happen.
We are both the catalysts.
So we try our hardest to make everything happen.
Which makes for some crazy schedules
But we both like to be busy.
We like to help.
We like to love.
We are women that need things to do.
We believe and wish.
We encourage
We love so much more than we really should.
We are fighters.
And I am proud to be her daughter.
I am proud to have half of my DNA come from her.
I am proud to call her my mom.
Because she is the best.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when i'll be back again,
Ohh babe I hate to go
Points to you if you sang the song.
Anyways I finally came home for the first time in 2 months for spring break.
And it was glorious.
I always get a little nostalgic when I travel home because I realize how much has happened in between the time that I've seen them last and now.
Its sometimes a lot.
But I love coming home to my family.
I love getting off the train at DIA and coming up the escalator and seeing their smiling faces waiting at the railing.
Usually mom waves first, comes around the railing and hugs me first.
And then dad comes and gives me a big bear hug.
And the siblings follow.
And for those few moments, the world is absolutely perfect because i'm officially home.
The entire day is wonderful and stressful because I have to pack and make sure everything is done before I leave.
There is nothing I hate more than having to deal with school when i'm home.
And wonderful because i'm home at last.
Now if you havent figured it out yet, I love to be home.
Because I have a great family.
Which is absolutely massive.
You should see us when you get us all together.
Its intense. Seriously.
Happy Spring Break everyone!!
Get some sleep!
Ohh babe I hate to go
Points to you if you sang the song.
Anyways I finally came home for the first time in 2 months for spring break.
And it was glorious.
I always get a little nostalgic when I travel home because I realize how much has happened in between the time that I've seen them last and now.
Its sometimes a lot.
But I love coming home to my family.
I love getting off the train at DIA and coming up the escalator and seeing their smiling faces waiting at the railing.
Usually mom waves first, comes around the railing and hugs me first.
And then dad comes and gives me a big bear hug.
And the siblings follow.
And for those few moments, the world is absolutely perfect because i'm officially home.
The entire day is wonderful and stressful because I have to pack and make sure everything is done before I leave.
There is nothing I hate more than having to deal with school when i'm home.
And wonderful because i'm home at last.
Now if you havent figured it out yet, I love to be home.
Because I have a great family.
Which is absolutely massive.
You should see us when you get us all together.
Its intense. Seriously.
Happy Spring Break everyone!!
Get some sleep!
Superfluous words
So here's the thing.
I'm a journalism student.
I get to the point.
I don't like to use too many words.
I don't pussyfoot around problems.
I can be a bit blunt.
Which can make for some interesting interactions when you meet people or particularly guys in my case who can spout off poetry.
Now the only poetry I can spout off is the Hamlet "To be or not to be" soliloquy.
Which isn't sexy in the least.
So putting me in a creative writing class that's all about mountain sports with a lot of writing majors can be a challenge.
I am not creative in that way.
I like to get my point across.
And i'm not all that athletic
There's also a music writing class but apparently its not as good as mountain sports.
I feel like I would connect more with the material of music writing than mountain sports.
But I freaking love my mountain sports writing professor.
You have to love Steve Meyers.
If you don't i'm pretty sure you are a communist.
And then there's this girl who is writing a freaking book.
And no one wants to read after she goes.
Or this really hot guy that I wont say his name because maybe hopefully someday we'll be friends and read this...
And that would be embarrassing if I said his name.
BUT I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS WHOLE EXTRA SUPERFLUOUS WORDS ORDEAL!
So whenever I read I feel like an amateur.
And then everyone else spouts off these beautiful soliloquy's with amazing metaphors about nature being their sanctuary.
And i'm over here like.
Damn, I am so inadequate.
I just don't write that way I guess.
I'm a journalism student.
I get to the point.
I don't like to use too many words.
I don't pussyfoot around problems.
I can be a bit blunt.
Which can make for some interesting interactions when you meet people or particularly guys in my case who can spout off poetry.
Now the only poetry I can spout off is the Hamlet "To be or not to be" soliloquy.
Which isn't sexy in the least.
So putting me in a creative writing class that's all about mountain sports with a lot of writing majors can be a challenge.
I am not creative in that way.
I like to get my point across.
And i'm not all that athletic
There's also a music writing class but apparently its not as good as mountain sports.
I feel like I would connect more with the material of music writing than mountain sports.
But I freaking love my mountain sports writing professor.
You have to love Steve Meyers.
If you don't i'm pretty sure you are a communist.
And then there's this girl who is writing a freaking book.
And no one wants to read after she goes.
Or this really hot guy that I wont say his name because maybe hopefully someday we'll be friends and read this...
And that would be embarrassing if I said his name.
BUT I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS WHOLE EXTRA SUPERFLUOUS WORDS ORDEAL!
So whenever I read I feel like an amateur.
And then everyone else spouts off these beautiful soliloquy's with amazing metaphors about nature being their sanctuary.
And i'm over here like.
Damn, I am so inadequate.
I just don't write that way I guess.
And then I wore shorts...
I wore shorts for the first time this year in public, on March 18th 2015.
Lets go all mark it on our calendars because it was a momentus day.
And I loved getting to pull out my shorts again.
I think we missed each other
Now I have a love hate relationship with shorts.
I'm fairly tall or to some people, really freaking tall.
I mean come on i'm 5'10".
So that means that shorts can sometimes look really really tiny and short on me.
Which can make some problems...
And I have an hourglass figure so my butt sometimes isn't the smallest
And sometimes the shorts are too small...
So they crawl to places that makes things uncomfortable.
And being tall that means I have a lot of leg - 60% to be exact.
I was bored one day... don't ask.
Which also means a lot of thunder thighs, which like to squish out and they seem to be about the size of Russia whilst i'm sitting down
Owen I just used whilst... yes I did.
And I don't tan, which means massive amounts of very white legs.
But I wear damn shorts.
Because I like being free of pants.
After over 3 months being confined to pants or tights sometimes these legs need to see the light of day.
And it was great.
Even though I felt like a white whale when I sat down but I felt hot when i walked around.
And summer is coming so that means shorts weather and its lovely.
I cant wait for that day when I can wear shorts all the time.
Lets go all mark it on our calendars because it was a momentus day.
And I loved getting to pull out my shorts again.
I think we missed each other
Now I have a love hate relationship with shorts.
I'm fairly tall or to some people, really freaking tall.
I mean come on i'm 5'10".
So that means that shorts can sometimes look really really tiny and short on me.
Which can make some problems...
And I have an hourglass figure so my butt sometimes isn't the smallest
And sometimes the shorts are too small...
So they crawl to places that makes things uncomfortable.
And being tall that means I have a lot of leg - 60% to be exact.
I was bored one day... don't ask.
Which also means a lot of thunder thighs, which like to squish out and they seem to be about the size of Russia whilst i'm sitting down
Owen I just used whilst... yes I did.
And I don't tan, which means massive amounts of very white legs.
But I wear damn shorts.
Because I like being free of pants.
After over 3 months being confined to pants or tights sometimes these legs need to see the light of day.
And it was great.
Even though I felt like a white whale when I sat down but I felt hot when i walked around.
And summer is coming so that means shorts weather and its lovely.
I cant wait for that day when I can wear shorts all the time.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
St. Paddys day
So this was my first St Paddys day legal.
And I do have to say it was fun.
I wore a little bit of green.
Met up with some friends at the local Irish bar.
And since it was St. Paddys day I decided that I needed to get a Guiness.
Because I just had to and it looked better than the other extremely popular options
green beer which was probably PBR with green food dye
OR
An Irish car bomb.
I went with the Guiness.
Now, let me just clarify,
I DON'T REALLY LIKE BEER
AT ALL!
I will drink hard ciders, wine, mixed girly drinks.
But beer is not really my thing.
I will do really light fruity beers, but that's about it.
I don't really drink that much in general.
I mostly go and have maybe a drink or two to take the edge off.
But I mostly go for the atmosphere and because I like to meet new people.
The energy it gives off.
That's what I go for.
I don't really like to be drunk.
I don't like being the hot mess.
I like being me for the most part.
I'M ALWAYS SAFE TO ALL THOSE WHO MAY WORRY!
ALWAYS SAFE MOM!
I PROMISE!
So anyways, I got this beautiful Guiness with this gorgeous head on it.
And I took a few sips.
Made it about a third of the way.
And then gave it to Carter.
He had already downed his and he likes beer.
Plus hes been having a rough couple months and hes never drunk enough to deal with the rest of us crazy people when we are a little tipsy.
Hes a bit laid back so suffice to say, he got the rest of my beer.
And the rest of the night wasn't that crazy.
That was my only drink.
I had an 8 am class to present to so I wasn't going to be out late or drinking that much.
In bed by midnight and it was a pretty good first legal St. Paddys day.
And I do have to say it was fun.
I wore a little bit of green.
Met up with some friends at the local Irish bar.
And since it was St. Paddys day I decided that I needed to get a Guiness.
Because I just had to and it looked better than the other extremely popular options
green beer which was probably PBR with green food dye
OR
An Irish car bomb.
I went with the Guiness.
Now, let me just clarify,
I DON'T REALLY LIKE BEER
AT ALL!
I will drink hard ciders, wine, mixed girly drinks.
But beer is not really my thing.
I will do really light fruity beers, but that's about it.
I don't really drink that much in general.
I mostly go and have maybe a drink or two to take the edge off.
But I mostly go for the atmosphere and because I like to meet new people.
The energy it gives off.
That's what I go for.
I don't really like to be drunk.
I don't like being the hot mess.
I like being me for the most part.
I'M ALWAYS SAFE TO ALL THOSE WHO MAY WORRY!
ALWAYS SAFE MOM!
I PROMISE!
So anyways, I got this beautiful Guiness with this gorgeous head on it.
And I took a few sips.
Made it about a third of the way.
And then gave it to Carter.
He had already downed his and he likes beer.
Plus hes been having a rough couple months and hes never drunk enough to deal with the rest of us crazy people when we are a little tipsy.
Hes a bit laid back so suffice to say, he got the rest of my beer.
And the rest of the night wasn't that crazy.
That was my only drink.
I had an 8 am class to present to so I wasn't going to be out late or drinking that much.
In bed by midnight and it was a pretty good first legal St. Paddys day.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Rough Monday: the one day I decided to wear pants and no one else did
There is just something absolutely awful about Mondays.
Like I get up at pretty much the same time every day.
Except for weekends.
There's something sinister about Mondays.
I think its the whole waking up at an earlier time for the first time in the last few days.
And you have 5 days ahead of you
And somehow on this Monday I didn't get the memo it was going to be 70+ degrees.
And I wore pants and a cardigan.
And I was way to hot.
And everyone else was cute.
And it was not fair.
I felt like I looked like a hot uninformed whale hanging out with a bunch of hot summery babes.
So that happened.
And I was not pleased.
Another reason I despise 8 am classes.
You are up at the crack of dawn and its too cold.
So you bundle up for the day, and then by 10 you are too hot.
And the rest of the day you look like a hot whale mess.
All because of 8 am classes.
But that Monday was awful but it wasn't the worst.
At the end of the day on Mondays as i'm driving home, there's a feeling of satisfaction.
I made it through today, so the rest of the week should be OK.
Because i made it through the hardest day of the week.
Like I get up at pretty much the same time every day.
Except for weekends.
There's something sinister about Mondays.
I think its the whole waking up at an earlier time for the first time in the last few days.
And you have 5 days ahead of you
And somehow on this Monday I didn't get the memo it was going to be 70+ degrees.
And I wore pants and a cardigan.
And I was way to hot.
And everyone else was cute.
And it was not fair.
I felt like I looked like a hot uninformed whale hanging out with a bunch of hot summery babes.
So that happened.
And I was not pleased.
Another reason I despise 8 am classes.
You are up at the crack of dawn and its too cold.
So you bundle up for the day, and then by 10 you are too hot.
And the rest of the day you look like a hot whale mess.
All because of 8 am classes.
But that Monday was awful but it wasn't the worst.
At the end of the day on Mondays as i'm driving home, there's a feeling of satisfaction.
I made it through today, so the rest of the week should be OK.
Because i made it through the hardest day of the week.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
The image of productivity.
I got stuff done on Sunday.
I woke up at 8 am.
Ate some breakfast.
Filmed a bit for a video I was doing.
Went out and filmed some more.
Came home and made gluten-free chocolate donuts.
And filmed during that.
Ate and photographed said chocolate donuts.
Then I relaxed a bit because this was all before noon.
Went to school and did my freaking video.
Finished it in a few hours.
Came home scarfed down some food.
Then did my blog post for food blogging on donut recipe.
SO MUCH FOOD IN MY LIFE!
I LOVE IT!
Did the blog for that.
Read for Spanish and understood it which was a miracle!
Took a shower and still went to bed around 11:30.
Which is another miracle in itself.
But yes Sundays are my "get stuff done day"
I do my homework on Sundays.
In general you should just not bother me on weekends because that usually doesnt mean i'm going to be nice.
That's my time to introvert so I can be the semi social butterfly for the week.
Or well Tuesday on.
But yes Sundays are my productive day!
And its quite good.
I woke up at 8 am.
Ate some breakfast.
Filmed a bit for a video I was doing.
Went out and filmed some more.
Came home and made gluten-free chocolate donuts.
And filmed during that.
Ate and photographed said chocolate donuts.
Then I relaxed a bit because this was all before noon.
Went to school and did my freaking video.
Finished it in a few hours.
Came home scarfed down some food.
Then did my blog post for food blogging on donut recipe.
SO MUCH FOOD IN MY LIFE!
I LOVE IT!
Did the blog for that.
Read for Spanish and understood it which was a miracle!
Took a shower and still went to bed around 11:30.
Which is another miracle in itself.
But yes Sundays are my "get stuff done day"
I do my homework on Sundays.
In general you should just not bother me on weekends because that usually doesnt mean i'm going to be nice.
That's my time to introvert so I can be the semi social butterfly for the week.
Or well Tuesday on.
But yes Sundays are my productive day!
And its quite good.
LAZY DAYS
I need one day during the week where I dont have to worry about anything.
And that is Saturday.
That is sacred.
Do not bother me on a Saturday.
I can sleep in for how ever long I want to.
I can eat when I want to eat.
I can hang out with friends the night before and be fine the next day if I go to bed late.
I can make plans for that night.
I usually do not leave my bed.
I usually marathon something on netflix.
I usually catch up on sleep.
I nap a lot.
I usually do not contact anyone.
The time I usually take a shower is around 2 if were if I even take a shower.
So if you want to see me go full hermit.
Which you don't because it entails me greasy, in my pjs and with out make up.
And no one wants to see that unless we have some crazy relationship.
Such as my roommate.
A good friend.
And used to be significant other.
So suffice to say, you are lucky to see me on a Saturday.
Its hard for me to put on clothes and leave the apartment.
Because that means work.
And that is not what Saturdays are all about.
So the moral of this story is, do not bother me on a Saturday.
And that is Saturday.
That is sacred.
Do not bother me on a Saturday.
I can sleep in for how ever long I want to.
I can eat when I want to eat.
I can hang out with friends the night before and be fine the next day if I go to bed late.
I can make plans for that night.
I usually do not leave my bed.
I usually marathon something on netflix.
I usually catch up on sleep.
I nap a lot.
I usually do not contact anyone.
The time I usually take a shower is around 2 if were if I even take a shower.
So if you want to see me go full hermit.
Which you don't because it entails me greasy, in my pjs and with out make up.
And no one wants to see that unless we have some crazy relationship.
Such as my roommate.
A good friend.
And used to be significant other.
So suffice to say, you are lucky to see me on a Saturday.
Its hard for me to put on clothes and leave the apartment.
Because that means work.
And that is not what Saturdays are all about.
So the moral of this story is, do not bother me on a Saturday.
The group
Have you ever had one of those times in your life where you finally figured out friends.
Right now is one of those times for me.
And it is so fantastic
.
Like I have my Friday night crew that we can go out and get a drink together and have some fun together. I trust these people to get me home and we all care about each other in a friend way and not in a romantic way, which definitely helps.
Carter, Mike and Stephanie are the core group.
We add people here or there but that's the group to go out with.
And over the next few months we'll probably add a few more because they'll turn 21.
I feel like in this point in my life I have finally figured out friends, which hasn't always been the case.
This time last year I had some friends but this year I've definitely learned to be a better friend and I've made a lot more friends this year than I have in my past 2 years at the fort.
Something about being single and I guess needing people and also having time to have friends. I am not focused on one person but multiple people.
Which definitely makes life a lot more interesting.
Less complicated because you don't have to worry about maintaining one all encompassing relationship.
That can consume your life and you shut out all the other meaningful relationships.
I can check up my friends, hang out with them, keep up to date on whats happening in their lives, and we are all happy.
I like being just friends.
This whole romantic ordeals are too complicated sometimes and my friendships seems to be more constant and meaningful which is what I need.
I don't need roller coaster relationships.
I need consistency.
I need steady.
And that's what I have with these fantastic relationships.
Thanks to all my Indy friends and classmates that I consider friends.
You are all the absolute best.
Right now is one of those times for me.
And it is so fantastic
.
Like I have my Friday night crew that we can go out and get a drink together and have some fun together. I trust these people to get me home and we all care about each other in a friend way and not in a romantic way, which definitely helps.
Carter, Mike and Stephanie are the core group.
We add people here or there but that's the group to go out with.
And over the next few months we'll probably add a few more because they'll turn 21.
I feel like in this point in my life I have finally figured out friends, which hasn't always been the case.
This time last year I had some friends but this year I've definitely learned to be a better friend and I've made a lot more friends this year than I have in my past 2 years at the fort.
Something about being single and I guess needing people and also having time to have friends. I am not focused on one person but multiple people.
Which definitely makes life a lot more interesting.
Less complicated because you don't have to worry about maintaining one all encompassing relationship.
That can consume your life and you shut out all the other meaningful relationships.
I can check up my friends, hang out with them, keep up to date on whats happening in their lives, and we are all happy.
I like being just friends.
This whole romantic ordeals are too complicated sometimes and my friendships seems to be more constant and meaningful which is what I need.
I don't need roller coaster relationships.
I need consistency.
I need steady.
And that's what I have with these fantastic relationships.
Thanks to all my Indy friends and classmates that I consider friends.
You are all the absolute best.
Monday, March 16, 2015
Appreciation
We all love to be appreciated.
We all feel like we are under appreciated.
But do you ever have a moment when you are finally recognized for all the hard work you've done with out complaint or anyone appreciating it, and then they appreciate it.
Its just about the best.
These things don't happen very often and I do not go fishing for compliments because honestly I have no other way to respond to them than besides being super awkward.
I don't take compliments well because I don't take them seriously.
But when I get a legitimate compliment that is sincere its about the best.
My adviser Leslie just said a nice short little compliment about me being dependable and how she loved that I was on the Indy staff.
And it just made me feel like I was finally genuinely appreciated.
That all my hard work was finally going towards something.
That I did something right.
I always remember all the things I do wrong.
But its hard to remember how well i'm doing.
That my life is somewhat together.
I'm not a hot mess... all the time.
That she called me dependable and that she can trust me to do good work is what is most meaningful.
It was about character.
If you want to truly compliment someone, compliment them on their character.
Who they are and what their work ethic is.
Not what they look like.
Everyone can say something about what a person looks like.
Character compliments take careful planning.
Listening.
Hard work.
That's what impresses.
Knowing what you are talking about.
We all feel like we are under appreciated.
But do you ever have a moment when you are finally recognized for all the hard work you've done with out complaint or anyone appreciating it, and then they appreciate it.
Its just about the best.
These things don't happen very often and I do not go fishing for compliments because honestly I have no other way to respond to them than besides being super awkward.
I don't take compliments well because I don't take them seriously.
But when I get a legitimate compliment that is sincere its about the best.
My adviser Leslie just said a nice short little compliment about me being dependable and how she loved that I was on the Indy staff.
And it just made me feel like I was finally genuinely appreciated.
That all my hard work was finally going towards something.
That I did something right.
I always remember all the things I do wrong.
But its hard to remember how well i'm doing.
That my life is somewhat together.
I'm not a hot mess... all the time.
That she called me dependable and that she can trust me to do good work is what is most meaningful.
It was about character.
If you want to truly compliment someone, compliment them on their character.
Who they are and what their work ethic is.
Not what they look like.
Everyone can say something about what a person looks like.
Character compliments take careful planning.
Listening.
Hard work.
That's what impresses.
Knowing what you are talking about.
Wednesdays: the day I look "defeated"
Let me get this straight.
I don't hate Wednesdays.
I just look the worst on those days.
Because they are smack dab in the middle of the freaking week.
And there's little hope in sight.
And those particular days Diego my Spanish professor cant ask us about our weekend,
He asks what we did on Mondays and what we are going to do on Fridays.
But nothing on Wednesdays.
And i'm exhausted at that point.
I remember vividly last semester I came home after a long day and the roommate says "wow, you just look so defeated"
And quite frankly I was.
This whole band ordeal being at 4-5:30 MW is just screwing with me.
The rest of my classes end earlier and I have to wait around for band.
Which isn't nearly as much fun because Deanna is no longer in it.
But really...
Wednesdays
Hump day
Miercoles.
There's a reason Miercoles is Spanish slang for shit.
Plus Rachel that works at a certain radio station is extra cranky on Wednesdays.
But yes Wednesdays.
No bueno
I don't hate Wednesdays.
I just look the worst on those days.
Because they are smack dab in the middle of the freaking week.
And there's little hope in sight.
And those particular days Diego my Spanish professor cant ask us about our weekend,
He asks what we did on Mondays and what we are going to do on Fridays.
But nothing on Wednesdays.
And i'm exhausted at that point.
I remember vividly last semester I came home after a long day and the roommate says "wow, you just look so defeated"
And quite frankly I was.
This whole band ordeal being at 4-5:30 MW is just screwing with me.
The rest of my classes end earlier and I have to wait around for band.
Which isn't nearly as much fun because Deanna is no longer in it.
But really...
Wednesdays
Hump day
Miercoles.
There's a reason Miercoles is Spanish slang for shit.
Plus Rachel that works at a certain radio station is extra cranky on Wednesdays.
But yes Wednesdays.
No bueno
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Being sick in college
I will be perfectly honest.
When i'm sick and i'm now not living with my parents, getting sick is pretty much a crisis.
My mom was always designated sick day parent most of the time.
And she took care of all three of us so well.
We were so spoiled on sick days.
AND NOW I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF LIKE AN ADULT.
So on Tuesday I woke up with a splitting headache, and dizzy and I knew that was god saying I needed to stop trying keep the world together, and to take a day for myself.
So I did.
And I drank like 8 cups of tea.
Tried to keep up with all my commitments.
Slept.
Took a freaking hot bath.
Got into my pjs and then put a onsie on over it.
Watched a bunch of episodes of Beauty and the Beast
Ate a ton of toast.
And tried to get myself better for today.
Because I cant be sick.
And today i'm mostly over it.
But not perfect.
All I wanted yesterday was my mommy to sit next to me as we watched old Disney movies and drank tea and ate soup.
I just wanted to be 7 again.
No worries.
Just needing to get better and spending the day with mom.
I cant wait to go home for spring break already!
When i'm sick and i'm now not living with my parents, getting sick is pretty much a crisis.
My mom was always designated sick day parent most of the time.
And she took care of all three of us so well.
We were so spoiled on sick days.
AND NOW I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF LIKE AN ADULT.
So on Tuesday I woke up with a splitting headache, and dizzy and I knew that was god saying I needed to stop trying keep the world together, and to take a day for myself.
So I did.
And I drank like 8 cups of tea.
Tried to keep up with all my commitments.
Slept.
Took a freaking hot bath.
Got into my pjs and then put a onsie on over it.
Watched a bunch of episodes of Beauty and the Beast
Ate a ton of toast.
And tried to get myself better for today.
Because I cant be sick.
And today i'm mostly over it.
But not perfect.
All I wanted yesterday was my mommy to sit next to me as we watched old Disney movies and drank tea and ate soup.
I just wanted to be 7 again.
No worries.
Just needing to get better and spending the day with mom.
I cant wait to go home for spring break already!
Daylight savings
So, I hate daylight savings.
Just like everyone else.
And the only thing that made Monday bearable was a mountain of whip cream and chocolate.
I went to Jazzmans which is that little coffee shop in Berndt.
I had a tuxedo, which I immensely recommend because it was freaking delicious.
And the barista honestly put a good three inches of whip cream on top of my coffee. with chocolate drizzle.
And I didn't think it was mine because the friend i was with was getting a frappuccino.
Shout out to PAGINA!
But it was my tuxedo.
I mainly got it for
A- love a man in a tuxedo
B- cutest name ever for a coffee drink
C- it was the Monday after daylight savings and I was coming down with a cold, so I needed something.
But yes daylight savings is no fun.
Its dark again.
Everyone is cranky.
Its dark AGAIN
Like who thought suddenly making us get up an hour earlier as a good idea like ever?
They did not have their wheaties that day when they passed that shindig.
Seriously.
But at least you have an excuse that day to be grumpy...
Thats a plus I guess.
Just like everyone else.
And the only thing that made Monday bearable was a mountain of whip cream and chocolate.
I went to Jazzmans which is that little coffee shop in Berndt.
I had a tuxedo, which I immensely recommend because it was freaking delicious.
And the barista honestly put a good three inches of whip cream on top of my coffee. with chocolate drizzle.
And I didn't think it was mine because the friend i was with was getting a frappuccino.
Shout out to PAGINA!
But it was my tuxedo.
I mainly got it for
A- love a man in a tuxedo
B- cutest name ever for a coffee drink
C- it was the Monday after daylight savings and I was coming down with a cold, so I needed something.
But yes daylight savings is no fun.
Its dark again.
Everyone is cranky.
Its dark AGAIN
Like who thought suddenly making us get up an hour earlier as a good idea like ever?
They did not have their wheaties that day when they passed that shindig.
Seriously.
But at least you have an excuse that day to be grumpy...
Thats a plus I guess.
MAYBE THIS TIME
Warning you all now.
This is going to be an angry rage blog.
Do not read.
Or read with your own discretion.
you have been warned.
proceed with caution.
I'm sorry world but I cannot be unicorns and butterflies all the time.
Sometimes I cant update this blog every day!
I hardly have time for myself much less this blog that I took on as a daily challenge.
Sometimes i'm done writing.
I cant think of anything.
i'm too tired for this.
But here I am!
And
BECAUSE I'M TAKING 18 CREDIT HOURS AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO PARENT PEOPLE THAT ARE TECHNICALLY ADULTS.
I don't win at everything.
I cant do everything.
I am far from perfect
So stop thinking i'm invincible!
I have a bad habit where I hate to say no.
So when you ask me to help you out and you don't exactly have that great of relationship with me, or maybe you were mean to me recently for no reason,i'm not exactly the nicest person.
Or when I have to cover for you for things that you were expected to do, thats no good.
Extraneous circumstances I can deal with.
But outright blatant laziness I cannot.
Little things like say I don't know, supporting me when I might need a friend, go a long freaking way when you ask me for favors.
And when I commit to something I see it through to the end.
I am blunt when I need to be.
And decisions are often black and white to me.
I get my stuff done.
I am freaking dependable.
And I unfortunately expect that for everyone else in my life which is NEVER REALISTIC!
I try to give everyone a second chance, but when I am nice to you and you cant even muster to be nice back for multiple times, thats when bad things happen.
I've given you chances and have blown them.
Sorry no more chances.
Thats just how I work.
I will never be one of those girls in a complicated relationship.
Because either you want me or you don't.
There will never be this go between of "ohh I like you now " and then the next day "ohh i'm having second thoughts"
Do not toy with my heart.
Its either all or nothing for me.
I fall so hard its not even funny.
So when I fall, which isn't that often because i'm extremely particular, its harder than an asteroid hitting the sun.
So don't think I like to play games or that I like to over complicate my life.
Maybe I took this challenge on because I want to prove something.
Or maybe its because I don't trust anyone else to do it right.
I'm mean like that.
If I could just simplify all the problems in my life that would be great.
But that is not realistic.
So stop thinking I'm doing all this crazy stuff for fun.
Because maybe its because I believe i'm the only one I trust to do it right.
I like to freaking work alone for a reason.
Or with people that don't let me down.
Because I hate being the bad guy.
And having to pick up your mess.
So stop giving me a hard time because i'm doing my damn best.
I push myself harder than anyone has ever pushed me.
I am harder on myself and my mistakes than anyone has ever done to me.
Try to tear me down, go ahead.
I've probably already thought all the terrible things your are saying to me already.
Doesn't make it any better. Its just a new voice saying it.
That's why I don't take compliments well.
Because no one ever keeps their word.
Compliments are superfluous meaningless words.
Want to impress me?
Have a damn good character and integrity.
Don't try to woo me with your honeyed words.
I wont believe them.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
So there's this new show in Netflix.
And its called Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
Its all about this girl who survives a doomsday cult and now is seeing the light of day for the first time in years.
And this girl is just an inspiration.
First off she wears bright pink pants.
Second there's literally nothing that can stop her.
I've only seen a few episodes but that girl is unstoppable.
Plus it just makes my day.
And its not that fluffy of show, its funny and they do cuss sometimes.
But overall its a great show.
I highly recommend it.
It just reminds me of what one of the things I pride myself on is never giving up.
I always try to see things through to the end.
I pester and prod and I get what I need.
I never give up.
I'm a fighter in that sense.
But this girl takes this all to a new level.
She comes to NY with hardly any money and has to learn everything about the culture and how to survive in the city that never sleeps.
And it reminds me to never give up.
To never break.
That life sometimes is shit, and you have two choices.
Deal with it and fight or surrender.
I choose to fight.
And its called Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
Its all about this girl who survives a doomsday cult and now is seeing the light of day for the first time in years.
And this girl is just an inspiration.
First off she wears bright pink pants.
Second there's literally nothing that can stop her.
I've only seen a few episodes but that girl is unstoppable.
Plus it just makes my day.
And its not that fluffy of show, its funny and they do cuss sometimes.
But overall its a great show.
I highly recommend it.
It just reminds me of what one of the things I pride myself on is never giving up.
I always try to see things through to the end.
I pester and prod and I get what I need.
I never give up.
I'm a fighter in that sense.
But this girl takes this all to a new level.
She comes to NY with hardly any money and has to learn everything about the culture and how to survive in the city that never sleeps.
And it reminds me to never give up.
To never break.
That life sometimes is shit, and you have two choices.
Deal with it and fight or surrender.
I choose to fight.
Acquaintances.
Acquaintances.
Friends.
People we know casually or not so casually.
Pals.
We all like having friends.
But what happens when a friend moves into the significant other category or vice versa.
When a significant other becomes a friend is one of the most awkward and not well explained intricacies of life.
In my life I like to keep things organized.
There's friends.
Co-workers.
Teachers.
Girls
Boys.
Ladies
Gentlemen
Guys i'd like to date.
Guys that would like to date me.
Professor friends.
People I say hi to occasionally.
People that say hi to me.
People that say hi to me that I don't know but they know me...somehow.
Ex's I still talk to.
Ex's I used to talk to.
Ex's that talk to me.
Ex's I have completely shut out.
Guys I had a thing for for a few days.
Guys I had a crush on for a while.
Guys I went on a date with.
Guys I fell for.
Guys I had a thing for and then got over because I realized they are a douche bag.
And then there's family but that's too complicated and crazy to go into.
So there are many people that can go in multiple categories.
But when they move major defining levels is when things get hairy sometimes.
Like from crush/significant other to friend.
Theres still resounding feelings there and the waters are not always the clearest to either parties.
Yes I do have to say, being friends after is better than totally shutting them out, but the process is more difficult.
How to do you move from significant others to friends with out hurting each other?
Some people need space.
Some need food.
Some just want to jump right into friendship.
Some need to cut all ties.
Its not going to be easy, but in the end, usually its worth it.
My best friend in the entire world that I've know 18 years was my very first ex boyfriend. It was in 7th grade but still, we stayed friends after.
I couldn't imagine my life with out him
But the problem is that sometimes in the broken up relationship that has turned into a friendship, one person still longs to get back together. and the other moves one.
This can be hard when you are supposed to be "just friends".
And the problem with myself is that when I enter into a relationship I commit so quick to that person.
If they are right for me, I fall so hard and so that's why its difficult for me at least to try to move into the friend zone.
If I fall for someone its hard for me to get back up.
I don't fall often but when I do, I fall hard.
But i'm now trying to cushion my fall a bit.
Don't fall so hard that each time it doesn't work out, it doesn't hurt as much.
I'm not perfect, and i'm certainly still trying to figure out the male persuasion.
But i'm going to try to forage new friendships with old people i've lost contact with because of them moving to the friend zone or a break up.
You cant shut yourself off forever.
So lets try to be friends with our ex's
Friends.
People we know casually or not so casually.
Pals.
We all like having friends.
But what happens when a friend moves into the significant other category or vice versa.
When a significant other becomes a friend is one of the most awkward and not well explained intricacies of life.
In my life I like to keep things organized.
There's friends.
Co-workers.
Teachers.
Girls
Boys.
Ladies
Gentlemen
Guys i'd like to date.
Guys that would like to date me.
Professor friends.
People I say hi to occasionally.
People that say hi to me.
People that say hi to me that I don't know but they know me...somehow.
Ex's I still talk to.
Ex's I used to talk to.
Ex's that talk to me.
Ex's I have completely shut out.
Guys I had a thing for for a few days.
Guys I had a crush on for a while.
Guys I went on a date with.
Guys I fell for.
Guys I had a thing for and then got over because I realized they are a douche bag.
And then there's family but that's too complicated and crazy to go into.
So there are many people that can go in multiple categories.
But when they move major defining levels is when things get hairy sometimes.
Like from crush/significant other to friend.
Theres still resounding feelings there and the waters are not always the clearest to either parties.
Yes I do have to say, being friends after is better than totally shutting them out, but the process is more difficult.
How to do you move from significant others to friends with out hurting each other?
Some people need space.
Some need food.
Some just want to jump right into friendship.
Some need to cut all ties.
Its not going to be easy, but in the end, usually its worth it.
My best friend in the entire world that I've know 18 years was my very first ex boyfriend. It was in 7th grade but still, we stayed friends after.
I couldn't imagine my life with out him
But the problem is that sometimes in the broken up relationship that has turned into a friendship, one person still longs to get back together. and the other moves one.
This can be hard when you are supposed to be "just friends".
And the problem with myself is that when I enter into a relationship I commit so quick to that person.
If they are right for me, I fall so hard and so that's why its difficult for me at least to try to move into the friend zone.
If I fall for someone its hard for me to get back up.
I don't fall often but when I do, I fall hard.
But i'm now trying to cushion my fall a bit.
Don't fall so hard that each time it doesn't work out, it doesn't hurt as much.
I'm not perfect, and i'm certainly still trying to figure out the male persuasion.
But i'm going to try to forage new friendships with old people i've lost contact with because of them moving to the friend zone or a break up.
You cant shut yourself off forever.
So lets try to be friends with our ex's
Friday, March 6, 2015
Vagina Monologues and my favorite dingus
So my friend Hanna has an odd way of referring to herself.
As an awkward dingus.
Those exact words.
And half the reason I went to the Vagina Monologues was because I wanted to see my awkward dingus perform on stage.
And because I needed to go to the Vagina Monologues because I hadn't gone before.
And the past two years I haven't had someone that wanted to go.
So I dragged Carter and Mike to it.
Because that makes sense not dragging females to the vagina monologues!
So I went with the guys and we had so much fun.
The Vagina Monologues is a play that is done by Feminist Voice each year and raises money for SASO.
Which is fantastic!
But the Vagina Monologue are the result of interviews done with women of all ages talking about their vagina's.
What they do being a woman and the experiences they've had.
IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE SHOW AND I HIGHLY RECOMMEND SEEING IT IF YOU EVER HAVE THE CHANCE!
I never really thought of vagina's or well everything that goes with them so much as I did last night.
And I know right now O is probably blushing.
Sure I've realized how powerful women are but I didn't quite embrace our amazing beauty and power.
We are wonderful beings.
I think the monologue entitled short skirt really hit because it hit on how clothing should not be a reason to rape someone.
And how we women are looked at and criticized for what we wear.
There is no reason in the world to ever rape a woman. Ever. Period.
And the girl delivering it was amazing! She was so expressive and just filled the room with her voice!
And that wasn't the only monologue.
The one about the transgender woman and how men are taught to be unemotional hit me too.
How we stress how women can have emotions and men cant.
They have to repress.
And it was just a beautiful piece about being stuck in the wrong genders body.
It was so sad and yet it really let us into the mentality of transgender man.
But after the show I felt this overwhelming pride to be a woman.
I was blessed with this make up of DNA.
I was blessed with boobs and a butt.
I was blessed to be a woman.
I suddenly felt like I truly belonged to that ever sacred group of strong women that embraced their femininity.
Being feminine does not mean being weaker.
It means embracing all that it means to be a woman.
To have two X's.
Half of human existence was made up of women.
I'm not the only woman who has gone through heart break.
Who wishes they hadn't wasted time in a relationship they were trying to fix.
Who eats a lot of gelato to feel better.
Who hates the mascara runs.
Who wants to find her damn prince.
I'm part of this group of strong confident women.
And next year I want to do the My Short Skirt monologue.
Because I'm a strong, independent, gorgeous woman, that is happy the way she is.
My body is all mine.
And its going to stay that way.
As an awkward dingus.
Those exact words.
And half the reason I went to the Vagina Monologues was because I wanted to see my awkward dingus perform on stage.
And because I needed to go to the Vagina Monologues because I hadn't gone before.
And the past two years I haven't had someone that wanted to go.
So I dragged Carter and Mike to it.
Because that makes sense not dragging females to the vagina monologues!
So I went with the guys and we had so much fun.
The Vagina Monologues is a play that is done by Feminist Voice each year and raises money for SASO.
Which is fantastic!
But the Vagina Monologue are the result of interviews done with women of all ages talking about their vagina's.
What they do being a woman and the experiences they've had.
IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE SHOW AND I HIGHLY RECOMMEND SEEING IT IF YOU EVER HAVE THE CHANCE!
I never really thought of vagina's or well everything that goes with them so much as I did last night.
And I know right now O is probably blushing.
Sure I've realized how powerful women are but I didn't quite embrace our amazing beauty and power.
We are wonderful beings.
I think the monologue entitled short skirt really hit because it hit on how clothing should not be a reason to rape someone.
And how we women are looked at and criticized for what we wear.
There is no reason in the world to ever rape a woman. Ever. Period.
And the girl delivering it was amazing! She was so expressive and just filled the room with her voice!
And that wasn't the only monologue.
The one about the transgender woman and how men are taught to be unemotional hit me too.
How we stress how women can have emotions and men cant.
They have to repress.
And it was just a beautiful piece about being stuck in the wrong genders body.
It was so sad and yet it really let us into the mentality of transgender man.
But after the show I felt this overwhelming pride to be a woman.
I was blessed with this make up of DNA.
I was blessed with boobs and a butt.
I was blessed to be a woman.
I suddenly felt like I truly belonged to that ever sacred group of strong women that embraced their femininity.
Being feminine does not mean being weaker.
It means embracing all that it means to be a woman.
To have two X's.
Half of human existence was made up of women.
I'm not the only woman who has gone through heart break.
Who wishes they hadn't wasted time in a relationship they were trying to fix.
Who eats a lot of gelato to feel better.
Who hates the mascara runs.
Who wants to find her damn prince.
I'm part of this group of strong confident women.
And next year I want to do the My Short Skirt monologue.
Because I'm a strong, independent, gorgeous woman, that is happy the way she is.
My body is all mine.
And its going to stay that way.
Rocky Mountain High
If you thought this was going to be all about weed, you are supremely wrong! And you just clicked on a post about John Denver!
Just because I live in Colorado and weed is legalized, that does not mean we are all high all the time!
And to be perfectly honest I'VE NEVER SMOKED POT!
Ohh goodness.
Colorado girl that has never gotten high?!?
Its like a freaking unicorn!
No but mom seriously, I've never gotten high, I pinky promise.
Anyways, Rocky Mountain High is a song by John Denver.
And actually its the state song for Colorado.
Go figure.
But let me get to my point.
I've been listening to John Denver for a while now because believe it or not this girl got a little tired of Taylor Swift.
I know shocking!
But something about John Denver and how I grew up listening to him is what I needed this week.
Plus driving through Durango and this gorgeous Colorado scenery, that is the perfect sound track.
I'm not so stressed when I start my day with Rocky Mountain High.
The country folk beats and his lovely voice is all I need to feel better in the mornings.
Something so wholesome and its perfect road tripping music.
I cant imagine driving a long distance with out John Denver.
Its weird i know but if you need some good music to listen to and feel happy all the time to it, just find his best hits CD pop it in.
And feet at ease my friend :)
Just because I live in Colorado and weed is legalized, that does not mean we are all high all the time!
And to be perfectly honest I'VE NEVER SMOKED POT!
Ohh goodness.
Colorado girl that has never gotten high?!?
Its like a freaking unicorn!
No but mom seriously, I've never gotten high, I pinky promise.
Anyways, Rocky Mountain High is a song by John Denver.
And actually its the state song for Colorado.
Go figure.
But let me get to my point.
I've been listening to John Denver for a while now because believe it or not this girl got a little tired of Taylor Swift.
I know shocking!
But something about John Denver and how I grew up listening to him is what I needed this week.
Plus driving through Durango and this gorgeous Colorado scenery, that is the perfect sound track.
I'm not so stressed when I start my day with Rocky Mountain High.
The country folk beats and his lovely voice is all I need to feel better in the mornings.
Something so wholesome and its perfect road tripping music.
I cant imagine driving a long distance with out John Denver.
Its weird i know but if you need some good music to listen to and feel happy all the time to it, just find his best hits CD pop it in.
And feet at ease my friend :)
Putting on my make up
So if you didn't know, I love make up.
My little sister Claire said a few months ago "i'm going to take my 2000$ violin more places then you are going to take your Naked palettes."
AND THIS IS COMPLETELY TRUE!
I love those things to death. And I use them every. single. day.
No joke.
I started putting on make up the summer before 7th grade.
Very natural easy stuff I just sort of threw on.
It wasn't until much later in life and I got some more make up that I actually started experimenting with it.
And I loved it.
Its one of my favorite times of the day when I put on my make up.
I turn into a different person.
I'm more confident.
I feel more beautiful.
I don't have to hide and I can hold my head up high.
I am more confident.
Which this entire situation is odd because i'm changing myself to feel more confident. To have more power in myself.
But that's what you have to do sometimes.
I hardly ever go out in public with out make up.
I just don't like letting myself be vulnerable.
And I feel vulnerable with out make up.
My skin fluctuates so quickly from pretty good to a hot mess in a matter of days so there is a very short period when I could go with out make up and I never do it.
Its always, another day i'll do that.
But not today.
I don't want to show my vulnerable side today.
At least with make up I pretend to be something else.
I don't have to show the real me.
Because that's too scary for me some days.
So maybe there will come a day when I can roll out of bed, throw on clothes and walk out the door. With out make up.
That will be a good day when my confidence has risen that height.
If you would like me to do a full run down of my make up routine, let me know below!
My little sister Claire said a few months ago "i'm going to take my 2000$ violin more places then you are going to take your Naked palettes."
AND THIS IS COMPLETELY TRUE!
I love those things to death. And I use them every. single. day.
No joke.
I started putting on make up the summer before 7th grade.
Very natural easy stuff I just sort of threw on.
It wasn't until much later in life and I got some more make up that I actually started experimenting with it.
And I loved it.
Its one of my favorite times of the day when I put on my make up.
I turn into a different person.
I'm more confident.
I feel more beautiful.
I don't have to hide and I can hold my head up high.
I am more confident.
Which this entire situation is odd because i'm changing myself to feel more confident. To have more power in myself.
But that's what you have to do sometimes.
I hardly ever go out in public with out make up.
I just don't like letting myself be vulnerable.
And I feel vulnerable with out make up.
My skin fluctuates so quickly from pretty good to a hot mess in a matter of days so there is a very short period when I could go with out make up and I never do it.
Its always, another day i'll do that.
But not today.
I don't want to show my vulnerable side today.
At least with make up I pretend to be something else.
I don't have to show the real me.
Because that's too scary for me some days.
So maybe there will come a day when I can roll out of bed, throw on clothes and walk out the door. With out make up.
That will be a good day when my confidence has risen that height.
If you would like me to do a full run down of my make up routine, let me know below!
Alex and Sierra
So recently i've discovered a new duo that I love to pieces.
Their name is Alex and Sierra, and its this adorable couple that sings cute songs and will make your heart melt.
They stared off on the X factor and now are these amazing and successful duo.
They have so much heart and their sound is so unique to anything i've heard in a while.
Its refreshing when songs actually have heart to them versus always being about sex and asses.
Thats just me though.
If you like those type of songs, go for it.
I mean I listen to Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding because of 50 shades of grey and because mike wouldnt shut up about it.
So I had to listen.
But Alex and Sierra are wholesome to say the least.
One of my favorite songs is Scarecrow which is super catchy and will have you dancing and it will be stuck in your head, FOREVER!
I also love the song I Love You.
It reminds me of my adorable parental units.
It starts with "I fell in love with a beautiful boy" and its so cute because its their love story. And sometimes we need to be reminded that love stories happen every day. WE are all able to have a love story. Some of us, this girl included are sometimes to scared to pursue it. Some of us are too scared to fall again. But the possibility is still there.
ALSO
They are extremely animated and passionate when they sing together.
You can just see in each others eyes that they love each other and dreams came true for this couple.
They made it big together!
And its adorable!
So if you need a new duo to listen to, check out Alex and Sierra!
Their name is Alex and Sierra, and its this adorable couple that sings cute songs and will make your heart melt.
They stared off on the X factor and now are these amazing and successful duo.
They have so much heart and their sound is so unique to anything i've heard in a while.
Its refreshing when songs actually have heart to them versus always being about sex and asses.
Thats just me though.
If you like those type of songs, go for it.
I mean I listen to Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding because of 50 shades of grey and because mike wouldnt shut up about it.
So I had to listen.
But Alex and Sierra are wholesome to say the least.
One of my favorite songs is Scarecrow which is super catchy and will have you dancing and it will be stuck in your head, FOREVER!
I also love the song I Love You.
It reminds me of my adorable parental units.
It starts with "I fell in love with a beautiful boy" and its so cute because its their love story. And sometimes we need to be reminded that love stories happen every day. WE are all able to have a love story. Some of us, this girl included are sometimes to scared to pursue it. Some of us are too scared to fall again. But the possibility is still there.
ALSO
They are extremely animated and passionate when they sing together.
You can just see in each others eyes that they love each other and dreams came true for this couple.
They made it big together!
And its adorable!
So if you need a new duo to listen to, check out Alex and Sierra!
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Abigail Alexis Cook
Today at 4:36 am, the prettiest light of all was brought into this world.
Abigail Alexis Cook was born today, March 1st 2015.
And I cannot believe it.
And I am so happy and proud for Liz and Alex.
As I was going to bed last night at like 1:30, I saw that Liz posted she was in labor.
And I hoped that when I woke up Abby would be here.
And she was.
And I couldn't believe it.
It wasn't until a few hours later that I actually got to see this beautiful face.
This child is gorgeous and i'm already in love with her.
Shes not even a day old yet and I can tell this child will be loved to the moon and back.
And I cant wait to hold her.
Is it weird that in way I feel like shes partly my responsibility.
Like i'm one of her parents too in a way.
I'm already super protective of her.
And of anybody who will break her heart or giver her a hard time.
Maybe this is just reinforcing my maternal instincts.
I know I don't want kids for a really long time, but I do want them
I'm a bit of a hot mess right now and I'm not bringing another soul into this world until I figure out myself and have a financially set life.
But I want kids somehow, whether it be by my own doing if possible or by adoption.
But I want to love a few other souls in this world and make my own family.
Liz and Alex fell in love and made Abigail.
Which is one of the prettiest names in my opinion.
Shes already Abby to all of us.
But I want to be there as much as I can for this little girl.
This year has been so good so far and she just adds so much more light to it already.
I want to be there when shes still small enough to hold her and have her hold onto my pinkie.
I want to be there when she can walk to me and I scoop her up and spin her around.
I want to dance in the rain with her.
I want to let her draw on my face with make up, make me pretty.
I want to see her smile at her wonderful reflection.
I want to dry her tears when she falls down and scrapes her knee.
I want to blow bubbles and have her chase after them.
I want to babysit her for a night so Alex and Liz can have some time to themselves and rekindle their love.
I want to snuggle that little girl and we can hang out in our mermaid tails.
I want to build a snowman with her and let her run through the leaves.
I want to take her trick or treating.
I want to be there to send her off to school.
I want to make her first valentines with her and eat half the chocolate.
I want to expose her to Disney princesses and all the magic they can bring.
I want to teach her to stand up for herself and show her that girls are just as strong as boys and should not be looked at as anything less. WE are equals.
I want to be with her for her first palm Sunday parade and help her decorate her tricycle or stroller.
I want to expose her to the crazy weirdness of what a bassoon is and making music.
I want to buy her first real school dance dress.
I want to love her and eat ice cream with her when her heart is broken. Tell her everything heals with time and the best thing is to just hold your head high.
I want to judge and grill her first significant other.
I want to go with Liz to go buy her prom dress. Find one that shows off how beautiful she is inside and out.
I want to tell her that life isn't perfect, but we wouldn't be faced with challenges if we weren't ready for them.
I want to tell her to never loose her curiosity and to never let anyone change you to be more like them.
I want to tell her that she is beautiful even though she may look in the mirror someday and not like what she sees. We are so much more than our appearances.
I want to tell her that a man that only talks about what you look like is not worth your time. He will only ever see you as a piece of ass and not as a real person.
I want to tell her to find someone that sees you as an equal.
I want to tell her that she should fall in love and let your heart fall but make sure its for people that care for you the same way.
I want to tell her that love is out there and its OK to be scared about what happens when it comes along.
I want to tell her that when you are least expecting it and are at last loving yourself for you, is when you find someone that will rock your world.
I want her to know that i'll be there for her and even though we are not blood related, I will love her like she is mine even though I know Alex and Liz will do a wonderful job loving her too.
I wish I could be there for everything, but unfortunately shes 7 hours away, and I cant commute everyday.
But i'll try to be there as much as possible.
So good luck Liz and Alex.
You can do this.
And i'm here for you.
And I love you both, and especially baby Abby.
I want to be there as much as I can.
Abigail Alexis Cook was born today, March 1st 2015.
And I cannot believe it.
And I am so happy and proud for Liz and Alex.
As I was going to bed last night at like 1:30, I saw that Liz posted she was in labor.
And I hoped that when I woke up Abby would be here.
And she was.
And I couldn't believe it.
It wasn't until a few hours later that I actually got to see this beautiful face.
This child is gorgeous and i'm already in love with her.
Shes not even a day old yet and I can tell this child will be loved to the moon and back.
And I cant wait to hold her.
Is it weird that in way I feel like shes partly my responsibility.
Like i'm one of her parents too in a way.
I'm already super protective of her.
And of anybody who will break her heart or giver her a hard time.
Maybe this is just reinforcing my maternal instincts.
I know I don't want kids for a really long time, but I do want them
I'm a bit of a hot mess right now and I'm not bringing another soul into this world until I figure out myself and have a financially set life.
But I want kids somehow, whether it be by my own doing if possible or by adoption.
But I want to love a few other souls in this world and make my own family.
Liz and Alex fell in love and made Abigail.
Which is one of the prettiest names in my opinion.
Shes already Abby to all of us.
But I want to be there as much as I can for this little girl.
This year has been so good so far and she just adds so much more light to it already.
I want to be there when shes still small enough to hold her and have her hold onto my pinkie.
I want to be there when she can walk to me and I scoop her up and spin her around.
I want to dance in the rain with her.
I want to let her draw on my face with make up, make me pretty.
I want to see her smile at her wonderful reflection.
I want to dry her tears when she falls down and scrapes her knee.
I want to blow bubbles and have her chase after them.
I want to babysit her for a night so Alex and Liz can have some time to themselves and rekindle their love.
I want to snuggle that little girl and we can hang out in our mermaid tails.
I want to build a snowman with her and let her run through the leaves.
I want to take her trick or treating.
I want to be there to send her off to school.
I want to make her first valentines with her and eat half the chocolate.
I want to expose her to Disney princesses and all the magic they can bring.
I want to teach her to stand up for herself and show her that girls are just as strong as boys and should not be looked at as anything less. WE are equals.
I want to be with her for her first palm Sunday parade and help her decorate her tricycle or stroller.
I want to expose her to the crazy weirdness of what a bassoon is and making music.
I want to buy her first real school dance dress.
I want to love her and eat ice cream with her when her heart is broken. Tell her everything heals with time and the best thing is to just hold your head high.
I want to judge and grill her first significant other.
I want to go with Liz to go buy her prom dress. Find one that shows off how beautiful she is inside and out.
I want to tell her that life isn't perfect, but we wouldn't be faced with challenges if we weren't ready for them.
I want to tell her to never loose her curiosity and to never let anyone change you to be more like them.
I want to tell her that she is beautiful even though she may look in the mirror someday and not like what she sees. We are so much more than our appearances.
I want to tell her that a man that only talks about what you look like is not worth your time. He will only ever see you as a piece of ass and not as a real person.
I want to tell her to find someone that sees you as an equal.
I want to tell her that she should fall in love and let your heart fall but make sure its for people that care for you the same way.
I want to tell her that love is out there and its OK to be scared about what happens when it comes along.
I want to tell her that when you are least expecting it and are at last loving yourself for you, is when you find someone that will rock your world.
I want her to know that i'll be there for her and even though we are not blood related, I will love her like she is mine even though I know Alex and Liz will do a wonderful job loving her too.
I wish I could be there for everything, but unfortunately shes 7 hours away, and I cant commute everyday.
But i'll try to be there as much as possible.
So good luck Liz and Alex.
You can do this.
And i'm here for you.
And I love you both, and especially baby Abby.
I want to be there as much as I can.
Making banana pancakes
Saturdays are nearly sacred to me.
Its the one day for the most part where I don't have to wake up to any alarms.
I just get to sleep and be lazy for one day.
Because I wake up at 6 am everyday, and that can wear on you. Its a long day when you get done for the day around 5:30 pm some days.
That's why I bring snacks.
But you know its bad when you wake up and you felt like you slept in and the sun is actually up and its 7:30. Cant sleep much past 7:30.
Its a problem.
But I love to wake up and just lay in bed.
Hang out and not have to debate with the clock how long it will actually take you to get ready.
I'm down to about 45 minutes if were lucky, but that's really pushing it.
But Saturdays are when I can really do breakfast correctly.
I can do breakfast slowly and with love.
Not scarfed down as i'm running out the door.
A burnt toad in a hole is usually mine, lucky if I get a chai together.
There's a song Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson that I think is the epitome of what a Saturday morning should be.
Not stressful and making pancakes or waffles.
Waffles are better in my opinion.
I'm just saying.
But if you need me to do something on a Saturday morning, its just about the worst thing ever.
Its been a long week and that's my first day of rest.
That's my morning to not feel crazy and stressed.
That's the only morning where I feel sane again from the week.
That's the morning I could making banana pancakes or muffins or huevos rancheros if I wanted.
That's the morning I can feel like me again.
Its the one day for the most part where I don't have to wake up to any alarms.
I just get to sleep and be lazy for one day.
Because I wake up at 6 am everyday, and that can wear on you. Its a long day when you get done for the day around 5:30 pm some days.
That's why I bring snacks.
But you know its bad when you wake up and you felt like you slept in and the sun is actually up and its 7:30. Cant sleep much past 7:30.
Its a problem.
But I love to wake up and just lay in bed.
Hang out and not have to debate with the clock how long it will actually take you to get ready.
I'm down to about 45 minutes if were lucky, but that's really pushing it.
But Saturdays are when I can really do breakfast correctly.
I can do breakfast slowly and with love.
Not scarfed down as i'm running out the door.
A burnt toad in a hole is usually mine, lucky if I get a chai together.
There's a song Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson that I think is the epitome of what a Saturday morning should be.
Not stressful and making pancakes or waffles.
Waffles are better in my opinion.
I'm just saying.
But if you need me to do something on a Saturday morning, its just about the worst thing ever.
Its been a long week and that's my first day of rest.
That's my morning to not feel crazy and stressed.
That's the only morning where I feel sane again from the week.
That's the morning I could making banana pancakes or muffins or huevos rancheros if I wanted.
That's the morning I can feel like me again.
You've got a friend in me
Friends are great human beings.
And I just love the song "You got a friend in me" because of the movie Toy Story.
And at the end of Toy Story 3 there's "Hay un amigo en mi" when Buzz suddenly becomes Spanish Buzz and dances with Jessie.
Something i've definitely realized in these past few months is how important it is to have friends in your life that you can depend on.
We have friends to relax our minds.
We have friends to lean on.
We have friends to to spend the night on their couch.
We have friends that don't mind opening their spaces for them to stay in.
We have friends for that weekly glass of wine.
We have friends for broken hearts.
We have friends for pints of ice cream that we eat with them even though we don't share the ice cream.
We have friends for embarrassing pictures of you sleeping.
We have friends to bounce ideas off of.
We have friends for company.
We have friends for sanity.
We have friends to grow.
We have friends to be our valentine on valentines day.
We have friends that take the place in our hearts for a significant other.
We have friends to love and to love them back.
We have friends to write to and tell them how you couldnt think of anything else on your date on what hobbies you like to do besides cooking.
We have friends to go to the gym with.
We have friends to gossip with.
We have friends to make bets with.
We have friends that take care of us and we take care of them too.
We have friends for those Saturday night shenanigans.
We have friends to cook for.
We have friends to cry with.
We have friends to snuggle with.
We have friends to feel love.
So go tell your friends how much they mean to you.
Because you have a friendship with them, and that's a gift.
And I just love the song "You got a friend in me" because of the movie Toy Story.
And at the end of Toy Story 3 there's "Hay un amigo en mi" when Buzz suddenly becomes Spanish Buzz and dances with Jessie.
Something i've definitely realized in these past few months is how important it is to have friends in your life that you can depend on.
We have friends to relax our minds.
We have friends to lean on.
We have friends to to spend the night on their couch.
We have friends that don't mind opening their spaces for them to stay in.
We have friends for that weekly glass of wine.
We have friends for broken hearts.
We have friends for pints of ice cream that we eat with them even though we don't share the ice cream.
We have friends for embarrassing pictures of you sleeping.
We have friends to bounce ideas off of.
We have friends for company.
We have friends for sanity.
We have friends to grow.
We have friends to be our valentine on valentines day.
We have friends that take the place in our hearts for a significant other.
We have friends to love and to love them back.
We have friends to write to and tell them how you couldnt think of anything else on your date on what hobbies you like to do besides cooking.
We have friends to go to the gym with.
We have friends to gossip with.
We have friends to make bets with.
We have friends that take care of us and we take care of them too.
We have friends for those Saturday night shenanigans.
We have friends to cook for.
We have friends to cry with.
We have friends to snuggle with.
We have friends to feel love.
So go tell your friends how much they mean to you.
Because you have a friendship with them, and that's a gift.
Good people
Sometimes i'm seriously surprised by how bad the world can be.
And sometimes I cannot get over how wonderful the world is and how sometimes life just seems to just turn around.
A couple months ago I was not in a good place and today i'm doing pretty well.
I like myself better than the person I was a year ago.
But today I got to interview one of the founders of the Shanta Foundation, which improves communities in Myanmar.
They build schools.
Improve roads.
Train midwives.
Build wells for clean drinking water.
And so many more other things and this organization only started in 2007.
I had an amazing interview with Mike, I got to know more about Shanta and all they do, and then at the end he told me that I had some good interview questions and gave me a freaking hug.
A hug at the end of an intense interview.
LIKE WHAT?!
But these are legitimately good people.
Like they needed a hobby so they went and started a organization in a foreign country and took on this crazy project.
But we often forget the good people and remember the bad.
I think we need to recognize the good more often than the bad.
The good takes more effort to do because often times is more time consuming and you dont really expect anything in return.
These people sure do not with shanta.
They just want the communities they help to be better and self sufficient.
I think we should all live our lives that way.
And sometimes I cannot get over how wonderful the world is and how sometimes life just seems to just turn around.
A couple months ago I was not in a good place and today i'm doing pretty well.
I like myself better than the person I was a year ago.
But today I got to interview one of the founders of the Shanta Foundation, which improves communities in Myanmar.
They build schools.
Improve roads.
Train midwives.
Build wells for clean drinking water.
And so many more other things and this organization only started in 2007.
I had an amazing interview with Mike, I got to know more about Shanta and all they do, and then at the end he told me that I had some good interview questions and gave me a freaking hug.
A hug at the end of an intense interview.
LIKE WHAT?!
But these are legitimately good people.
Like they needed a hobby so they went and started a organization in a foreign country and took on this crazy project.
But we often forget the good people and remember the bad.
I think we need to recognize the good more often than the bad.
The good takes more effort to do because often times is more time consuming and you dont really expect anything in return.
These people sure do not with shanta.
They just want the communities they help to be better and self sufficient.
I think we should all live our lives that way.
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