That is just me

Probably one of the most recent times that I can remember my brother Owen being genuinely nice to me and saying something positive about my lack of relationship and how I have trouble with men, happened this past Christmas eve night.

It had been a long day, and he had hit a nerve with me.
Joking about how I was going to end up alone.
And I was just done with it all.
I'd been single for about 5 months and this would be my first Christmas single in 2 years and both siblings were in serious relationships.
I felt alone and like something was wrong with me.

But he said something that hit me.
He said "It's not like you are undesirable, you just do things your own way. You've always taken your own path."

I've always been this way.
I've never taken the easy road.
I have always been hard to love.
I have never been easy.

Since birth, I have never been easy.
I have an 11 inch scar on my back to prove that.
I'm fine, but it just goes to show, I've never been easy, so why expect anything else when it comes to relationships and pretty much everything in my life.

I've had to fight.

I am not your cookie cutter, cut and dry female.
I am complicated as hell.
And I overthink pretty much everything in my life.

I am just different.
I don't really follow the standard rules for flirting and quite frankly I never really have.
I have terrible timing and I come on too strong.

That is just me.

I've always learned differently.
This is partly why I think I might have a slight learning disability because I learn well in multiple ways and not just in one way.
So I had to learn in different ways because the conventional way didn't always work for me.
I took a learning strengths test about a year ago and it calculated out what type of learner I am
I am 37% visual
33% kinesthetic
and 30% auditory.

Most people are majorly one thing.
I'm pretty equally all three.
That is not normal.
And that is just me.




So this is me.
Undefinable.
Unpredictable.

And currently i'm fine with it all.
This is who I am.