Dad.

My father is a wonderful man.

And as of October 13th, 2015, he has been on this earth for 50 years.

A moment that happened just this past summer that fully sums up my dad and I's relationship was when I was laid off from a job.
The first person I called was my dad, and I was crying those ugly tears.
Like snot and make up all over the place type of crying.
And I just sobbed it out.
And dad being the typical engineer that he is, wanted to fix it.
So he called my manager and tried to get a clearer answer out of her as to why I was laid off.
He wasn't able to squeeze much more out of her.
So I get this call about 20 minutes after the first call, and he just goes "So I talked to your manager..."
And from there I heard how he tried to get some more information out of her.
But the actual unbridled thought to go a protect his girl and fight for her has stuck with me.
I was unsatisfied with how it ended and he just knew I wouldn't be able to move on without some answers.
So he went and tried to get them for me.

And even though he was not as successful.
This was an even that sort of represents our relationship as a whole.

Now I was never an easy child.
To start off, I spent my first year and a half of life in between my parents.
Yeah just imagine having a little high maintenance baby that didn't sleep through the night, with mind you a huge scar on her back, between you and your wife for that amount of time.
Between cardiologist visits and also having a heart that was easily broken by a misplaced word, he had his work cut out with me.

Owen was the much easier child.
He slept in his own bed and through the night.

I know my dad always wanted to have both boys and girls as his children.
But something just clicked with me I guess.
We just have always known how each other works.

Like I know I've said that my mom and I are emotionally similar.
But I do have similarities with my dad.
We both learn very similarly and I've recently figured out that I might have a slight learning disability and he thinks he might too.
Like we might both be slightly dyslexic.
And I guess just knowing that there is someone so close to you that experiences the world similarly to  the way that you do, is a great relief.
Like we just chat about how we each learn.
And it's fascinating.

I've always questioned my worth and I tend to overthink just about everything.
Dad is one of the few people in my life that can just quiet my mind.
Like I can finally catch a breath from myself.
And he has always been there to hear my concerns whether it be about boys or school or friends or even the future.
Because I worry about the future a lot.

I think what I get most from my dad is his ability to fix things.
Words can only go so far sometimes, but having someone say, "yes I can fix that" or "yes I can help you with that" just eases my mind.
I have this innate need to fix and repair and try to make something work more efficiently.
See you thought I was just an English major with no real science or math talent.
But I've gotten the engineering drive to fix anything that is thrown my way.

If I ever just need someone to listen to me as I cry something out, he's the one that will listen.
He restores my confidence and then inspires me to fight for what I need.
Like a few weeks ago when that one person decided to cross me and be unnecessarily mean, yep you can bet the reason I got back up and fought for my voice was because of a phone call from him.
He has taught me its fine to be a princess and live in that world, but you also need to be able to stand up and fight for yourself.
He refuses to let me be pushed around or back down.
He has always seen the fighter in me even when I don't see it or believe it

As a child I never engaged in the nightly wrestling matches that my siblings would get in.
I just never liked that,
But we would always snuggle and read a book or just hang out for a bit.

I also know that I have high standards for anyone who decides to embark on a relationship with me. And its all because of my parents.
I expect a lot from them and in term I expect them to expect a lot from me.
My parents are definitely a team.
I would like a partner to share my life with.
And equal give and take just as they have.

A few weeks ago we were talking in the hypothetical sense about the person that I would fall for and would have to keep up with me.
I move fast and my mind is in a million different places at once and I have probably a thousand triggers.
I am not the easiest person.
But he sees that all as normal.
My siblings seem to have a much easier time with relationships and I am always the oddball.
They can gracefully move from one relationship to the next with a few months in between seemingly unscathed.
I however scar and remember and overthink.
But dad sees hope in my uniqueness.
That it takes me longer to be happy.
That I don't settle and that is perfectly fine.
I'm not saying that my siblings settle, its just they have an easier time attracting quality people where as I have to weed through more.
But when I talk about my future spouse, he is sure that I will not end up alone.
That even though i'm a challenge and difficult its all worth it.

So what I think is the most important piece that i've learned from my dad is, is that differences make you stronger.
Being tough and not settling and having different intelligences makes you special.
That you are worthy of love even when you may not feel like you are.

Thanks dad for loving me, protecting me and believing in me through thick and thin.
Here's to many more years of laughs and thoughtful conversations.