Dad.

My father is a wonderful man.

And as of October 13th, 2015, he has been on this earth for 50 years.

A moment that happened just this past summer that fully sums up my dad and I's relationship was when I was laid off from a job.
The first person I called was my dad, and I was crying those ugly tears.
Like snot and make up all over the place type of crying.
And I just sobbed it out.
And dad being the typical engineer that he is, wanted to fix it.
So he called my manager and tried to get a clearer answer out of her as to why I was laid off.
He wasn't able to squeeze much more out of her.
So I get this call about 20 minutes after the first call, and he just goes "So I talked to your manager..."
And from there I heard how he tried to get some more information out of her.
But the actual unbridled thought to go a protect his girl and fight for her has stuck with me.
I was unsatisfied with how it ended and he just knew I wouldn't be able to move on without some answers.
So he went and tried to get them for me.

And even though he was not as successful.
This was an even that sort of represents our relationship as a whole.

Now I was never an easy child.
To start off, I spent my first year and a half of life in between my parents.
Yeah just imagine having a little high maintenance baby that didn't sleep through the night, with mind you a huge scar on her back, between you and your wife for that amount of time.
Between cardiologist visits and also having a heart that was easily broken by a misplaced word, he had his work cut out with me.

Owen was the much easier child.
He slept in his own bed and through the night.

I know my dad always wanted to have both boys and girls as his children.
But something just clicked with me I guess.
We just have always known how each other works.

Like I know I've said that my mom and I are emotionally similar.
But I do have similarities with my dad.
We both learn very similarly and I've recently figured out that I might have a slight learning disability and he thinks he might too.
Like we might both be slightly dyslexic.
And I guess just knowing that there is someone so close to you that experiences the world similarly to  the way that you do, is a great relief.
Like we just chat about how we each learn.
And it's fascinating.

I've always questioned my worth and I tend to overthink just about everything.
Dad is one of the few people in my life that can just quiet my mind.
Like I can finally catch a breath from myself.
And he has always been there to hear my concerns whether it be about boys or school or friends or even the future.
Because I worry about the future a lot.

I think what I get most from my dad is his ability to fix things.
Words can only go so far sometimes, but having someone say, "yes I can fix that" or "yes I can help you with that" just eases my mind.
I have this innate need to fix and repair and try to make something work more efficiently.
See you thought I was just an English major with no real science or math talent.
But I've gotten the engineering drive to fix anything that is thrown my way.

If I ever just need someone to listen to me as I cry something out, he's the one that will listen.
He restores my confidence and then inspires me to fight for what I need.
Like a few weeks ago when that one person decided to cross me and be unnecessarily mean, yep you can bet the reason I got back up and fought for my voice was because of a phone call from him.
He has taught me its fine to be a princess and live in that world, but you also need to be able to stand up and fight for yourself.
He refuses to let me be pushed around or back down.
He has always seen the fighter in me even when I don't see it or believe it

As a child I never engaged in the nightly wrestling matches that my siblings would get in.
I just never liked that,
But we would always snuggle and read a book or just hang out for a bit.

I also know that I have high standards for anyone who decides to embark on a relationship with me. And its all because of my parents.
I expect a lot from them and in term I expect them to expect a lot from me.
My parents are definitely a team.
I would like a partner to share my life with.
And equal give and take just as they have.

A few weeks ago we were talking in the hypothetical sense about the person that I would fall for and would have to keep up with me.
I move fast and my mind is in a million different places at once and I have probably a thousand triggers.
I am not the easiest person.
But he sees that all as normal.
My siblings seem to have a much easier time with relationships and I am always the oddball.
They can gracefully move from one relationship to the next with a few months in between seemingly unscathed.
I however scar and remember and overthink.
But dad sees hope in my uniqueness.
That it takes me longer to be happy.
That I don't settle and that is perfectly fine.
I'm not saying that my siblings settle, its just they have an easier time attracting quality people where as I have to weed through more.
But when I talk about my future spouse, he is sure that I will not end up alone.
That even though i'm a challenge and difficult its all worth it.

So what I think is the most important piece that i've learned from my dad is, is that differences make you stronger.
Being tough and not settling and having different intelligences makes you special.
That you are worthy of love even when you may not feel like you are.

Thanks dad for loving me, protecting me and believing in me through thick and thin.
Here's to many more years of laughs and thoughtful conversations.

Suprising

There are very few things in this life that are good surprises.
This is just a hint to all those reading this and who may care about me. I freaking love surprise parties and my birthday is in a month and 12 days.

But getting genuinely surprised.
Now that is magic.

So we switched over to the new store on October 1st.
And it had been a crazy few weeks...
And then the new boss wanted to have a staff meeting.


Somehow I missed the whole that not only were we having a staff meeting, but we were also getting to pick out a sweater from the store to keep, and go out to dinner and just have a lovely evening.

I know i'm always saying that I don't get along with women all that often.
But sometimes I do need my estrogen fix.
Like gossipping and giggling estrogen fix.

And thats what we got.

And Brittney and I just look at each other after.
And we know, it was good to stay on through the transition.

Sure its been crazy.
But damn its been a fun ride.

Seniority

KC and I decided to do senior pictures.
Even though they turned out similar to engagement pictures.
And it was just the two of us so it was a lot of focusing the camera, putting on the timer and running to  pose.
Lots of good faces.

But I remember just like yesterday doing senior pictures for high school.
And here I am.
Doing my own.
Graduating from college in May.

Still very much inside the girl that I was 4 years ago.
But in many ways the woman that has changed into something more.

I remember stressing over my speech for graduation.
And causing drama in marching band.
And stressing about being single.

Some days I still think i'm going to end up alone.
But for the most part i'm content with what the world wants to throw at me.

Because I have grown and fought for this seniority.
And I am in my own skin.

And I wish that KC wasn't graduating early because our relationship has grown with our time together.
And I will miss her so much.

But she is moving on.
And soon I will too after her.

And it will be okay.

Just relax

So KC and I have had our own little adventures over the years.
Like quite a few.

We have the best time out most of the time.
Except when i'm in one of my weird moods where when boys don't pay as much attention to me.
Then I get sad and jealous.
It's not cute.

Well I have moods.
As we all do.

Well sometimes I get into a mood and I just cant get out of it.

Well this was one of the times where I was in a mood.
And then KC and I went out.
And I was just not relaxed.
And oh so uptight as the usual capricorn that I am.
And I was the DD.
So I was especially uptight because at least with even the slightest bit of alcohol my shoulders that are usually up by my ears have come down from their towers.
I'm an uptight person and when an evening doesnt go as planned.
And I get jealous when i'm out and I don't get the same attention as my friends from those of the male persuasion.

I know its sad.
And I shouldnt care.
But when I get into a whirlwind its hard to get out.

And it was one of those uptight nights.
And it was not cute.

But I came out of it realizing that I should stop looking so much down on people.
Sometimes I need to go with the flow.
Let my damn hair down and just relax and not over think what people are thinking of me.
Its okay to just be me.

So next time. It'll be better.

Just let me drink my tea

One of my favorite places is the White Dragon Tea room which is oddly right next door to where I used to work and right across the street of where I currently work.

Durango I tell ya.

But if you've never been in there you need to check it out before its gone!

I love going there to just hang out and unwind after a crazy week.
The cute high stools that you perch on as the men make my tea.
The crazy array of teas that you can try.

My favorite it Tumeric Ginger!
Absolutely amazing and its like a warm hug whilst it goes down your throat.
So stinking good.

And most of the reason I go is because I can hang out with the guys and gossip.
And thats the only place I get to see them so I have to savour my moments with my tea men.

And I do.
Casey, Matt, Josh, Ben and Thunder.

Gotta love my tea men that make me amazing and delightful tea whenever i go in.
I always leave smiling.

Thanks guys,
I love you all very much.
And I will miss that sacred space.

Sometimes you just need Dad to tell you everything will be alright

Well this particular day was quite hard.

It had been a crazy week and I was stressed to the max.
It seemed like my life was going to hell in a hand basket.

My op ed was too opinionated and I had zero and I mean zero time to fix it.

My damn op ed was too opinionated.
Me being too opinionated?
Never!

And I had 3 million things to do.

And then someone decided to be a full on b.
And I cried.
And then I went to class, tried to stand up for myself.
Didn't work.
Got out early.
Felt defeated
Locked myself in a room.
Called dad.

When I in doubt call the parental units.
And I called Dad at work.
Told him the situation.
He comforted me and then told me to go stand up for myself and kick some ass because this was not okay.
And I did just that.

I had cried off all my make up.
Cleaned up myself slightly.
Found KC.
Pulled myself together and put on some make up.

And then I kicked ass and took names.
Because no one crosses Julia Grace Volzke without my consent,
No one makes Julia Grace Volzke look stupid ever.
No one ever will.
Because I do it all by myself.

So if you are the person reading this and you know who you are.
I have a great memory and I never forget.

That's my face right there

THE FIRST NEW REDESIGN OF THE INDEPENDENT CAME OUT AND ITS SO EXCITING!

Something about having your face in an actual printed copy just makes it so much better.
Like this is something I love so much that I will let a semi okay picture of my special face be put into an issue and printed and then read and looked at by people.

That says something to keep with something even though SOMEHOW SOMEONE DIDN'T CATCH THAT MY LAST NAME WAS MISSPELLED
Guys its v o l z k e
Not v o l t z k e
Not v o l s k i

VOLZKE
Come on guys

But other then that I am very very extremely proud of what I accomplished.
And what we made because we kicked ass and took names.

So there!

Is your name and picture in a printed copy of something that people pick up and read?
No?
Well get it there!

I just don't test well

You know how everyone has their strengths?
Well one of mine is not taking tests.
If you were wondering.

Its not my strength.

I focus best by having non vocal music.

If there is music with talking or singing I cant focus because there are too many words.
I start typing what i'm hearing.

And I stress myself out as well.

But I had a test that particular day in get this Spanish..

Well I went to go take it.
And it was nerve wracking and it felt like I was typing word vomit.
Like legitimate word vomit.

And I left feeling like I just had thrown up over the test.
Like I just knew my thoughts didnt come out the way I wanted.

So there.
I am different and I need special circumstances to test just because I study differently.

So there you go.