Sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe.
That I shouldn't wind myself up so much.
That I cant take everything so seriously.
It was recently brought to my attention that i'm often perceived to be uptight or too proper.
Well in reality I see myself as a pretty easy going person.
But at the same time I can also see how people would see me as uptight.
I tend to hold myself to higher standards than I do for everyone else.
Its more of a let down personally if I let others down then if someone else lets me down.
I just hope the world has the same morals as I do.
So when something doesn't come through that wasn't my fault, it still hits me hard.
I think this is all coming about because I didn't reach the goal of raising the funds for Hanna and I to go to L.A. with a few other editors. I was supposed to raise $1,340 for both of us to go. And I didn't do it. I somehow thought we had more time. Life just got in the way and I didn't get it done. I took on more than what I could accomplish. That's a reoccurring theme for me, its so hard for me to say no.
I hate to disappoint people.
And now the team of editors are heading off to L.A. tomorrow, without Hanna and I.
But come hell or high water, Hanna and I are going next year to this damn conference!
I am a hard person to love sometimes.
I am irrational.
I am emotional.
I expect a lot from people just because I expect a lot from myself.
I cry sometimes for no good reason.
My heart falls to hard and fast for people
I'm persistent which means I can be annoying.
I sometimes don't get social cues.
I'm far too hard on myself and its hard for me to not take things personally when something I love is critiqued.
I often over think a situation,
I get too emotionally invested.
I'm needy.
I'm not always comfortable in my skin
I have a medical condition that could make future dreams perplexing.
If I have a rough morning, there is literally nothing that can get me out of my bad mood or the funk that i'm in.
Things that I try to keep under the surface never stay hidden for long and come out pretty quickly and depending on how long i've been holding onto something, sometimes violently.
The future is uncertain which I hate and love.
Mostly hate because I just want to know what it will hold for me.
But i'm trying to work on my qualities that are hard to love. Trying to smooth things over. Cushion the fall if something goes wrong.
My mom and I emotionally are very similar which can be hard to deal with. We both feel the same way. Those darn brown eye girls have more in common than just our eyes.
My dad tends to help me through emotional episodes because hes the rock of the family.
Which helps a lot.
But even though I think I've made leaps and bounds of progress on loving myself, sometimes I just get knocked back down.
But then I get back up and try again.
That's one of my qualities I actually really like about myself.
I never give up.
I always get back up.
Sometimes I just need to remember to breathe.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
I despise winter
So we had a snow day yesterday.
And somehow I didn't quite get that my entire car would be covered or well buried in about a few feet of snow.
And I have an 8 am class....
So suffice to say, I spent a good 20 minutes scraping off my car.
A neighbor saw me whacking away at the mountain that covered my itty bitty red car and offered me a broom thank god.
And even after I got all the snow off I still had to dig out my car so I could drive out of my parking lot.
Soaked, tired and stressed I finally start my way to school.
I need a different car because this one does not do well in the snow.
So once I finally get my car out and on the road, i'm panicked because i'm going to be late and I hate to be late more than anything else in the world. Especially to Indy.
Because i'm an editor, even though not that exciting of an editors position but damn it i'm an editor! And sometimes Leslie is scary in the mornings.
And I pride myself on being punctual.
And if that wasn't bad enough, the entire parking lot at school is a massive ice rink.
And we all know how coordinated I am in general minus ice, so this was going to be a freaking hay day.
And as i'm trying to park, my car slides and I almost rear end the parked car in front of me.
As the girl is getting out of said car.
And I have to carefully walk my happy little ass all the way to class, praying to god I don't totally slip and fall and die on my way there.
Slipped at least 4 times.
Didn't fall which is a miracle.
Finally made it to class, late.
After the rest of the editors had already gone around and filled in what was going on with them.
And I came in late.
So I had to fill in on whats going on with my department.
So exciting and progressive right there.
And unfortunately i'm the type of person that if I don't have a good morning, the entire day is screwed.
And I tried to get out of my funky mood but there was stress eating involved which means ice cream, carbs and peanut butter.
Plus I didn't get to see Alex today which was a big bummer. Were both just so busy right now.
But i'm working on not letting a bad morning spoil my days.
I hope your Tuesday was better than mine my friends!
Lets hope tomorrow there's sun and no ice.
Because clumsy Julia has come out for the winter now officially, and it is not pretty.
And somehow I didn't quite get that my entire car would be covered or well buried in about a few feet of snow.
And I have an 8 am class....
So suffice to say, I spent a good 20 minutes scraping off my car.
A neighbor saw me whacking away at the mountain that covered my itty bitty red car and offered me a broom thank god.
And even after I got all the snow off I still had to dig out my car so I could drive out of my parking lot.
Soaked, tired and stressed I finally start my way to school.
I need a different car because this one does not do well in the snow.
So once I finally get my car out and on the road, i'm panicked because i'm going to be late and I hate to be late more than anything else in the world. Especially to Indy.
Because i'm an editor, even though not that exciting of an editors position but damn it i'm an editor! And sometimes Leslie is scary in the mornings.
And I pride myself on being punctual.
And if that wasn't bad enough, the entire parking lot at school is a massive ice rink.
And we all know how coordinated I am in general minus ice, so this was going to be a freaking hay day.
And as i'm trying to park, my car slides and I almost rear end the parked car in front of me.
As the girl is getting out of said car.
And I have to carefully walk my happy little ass all the way to class, praying to god I don't totally slip and fall and die on my way there.
Slipped at least 4 times.
Didn't fall which is a miracle.
Finally made it to class, late.
After the rest of the editors had already gone around and filled in what was going on with them.
And I came in late.
So I had to fill in on whats going on with my department.
So exciting and progressive right there.
And unfortunately i'm the type of person that if I don't have a good morning, the entire day is screwed.
And I tried to get out of my funky mood but there was stress eating involved which means ice cream, carbs and peanut butter.
Plus I didn't get to see Alex today which was a big bummer. Were both just so busy right now.
But i'm working on not letting a bad morning spoil my days.
I hope your Tuesday was better than mine my friends!
Lets hope tomorrow there's sun and no ice.
Because clumsy Julia has come out for the winter now officially, and it is not pretty.
Call your parents
I don't think we ever give as much credit as where credit is due to our parents.
Parents are never perfect and neither are we.
But they raised you people!
They loved you when you were not that lovable.
Hell for my first 18 months of life I didnt sleep through the night, and I'm pretty sure there were plenty of nights my parents were frustrated with me.
I was not an easy baby, but I hope i've paid off being so difficult then by now.
I will just say this now.
I have fantastic parents.
They've always loved me, my siblings and any poor soul that should come through our door of craziness.
They've always been there for me.
They've always supported me.
They know me better than I know myself.
And they always call to check in whenever possible
Both call and fill me in on what is all happening with the family. Dad I think does it more for his sanity and because believe it or not but that engineer needs to hear my voice.
Mom calls more often than Dad, but my conversations with Dad are longer.
I talk to each pretty much the same.
Mom lets me know about any thing that needs to be done or if I need to go to the DMV for something. She also lets me in on family gossip and so does Dad.
They both miss me which makes sense because one of their flock isnt home in the nest. Its always been the 5. And now O is moved out, I think they need to check in with me more.
Maybe it hits me so hard because I have a skewed sense of mortality
Someday they wont be there and thats hard for me to comprehend.
I like to think that life will never change.
That it will stay the same.
But thats just not the case.
But with death there comes life.
Hopefully this week Abigail Alexis Cook will be born.
And I cannot wait to meet that beautiful child.
Liz and Alex are becoming parents.
And I cannot believe it!
Liz and I are technically married, because butterfly rings count as an actual marriage.
But I know they will do amazing.
Maybe i'm getting all mushy now because someday I too want to fall in love and start a family as well, if i'm able to.
And all this came about because of my mom and she posted something about calling your parents if they are still here. So I had a feeling this was about something...
Just as a back story, my mom lost her dad when she was about my age, a little younger.
So called mom and left her and dad a message telling them that I loved them.
Found out later we had had a family thing that was a bit scary but its all ok now. Do not panic!
But I called the parental units to check in.
And it just made me realize how much I take having great parents for granted.
They've been married for almost 28 years coming up on May 28th of this year.
And they have shown me what it means to be in love.
They've shown men how a man is supposed to treat a woman and how a woman is supposed to treat a man.
And that life isnt perfect, but its a pretty great journey.
And they gross myself and the siblings out all the time with their PDA. And its adorable.
They want to be national park rangers when they grow up. I mean really? Thats just too cute.
So my advice to you dear reader, wherever the heck you are in the world, call your parents.
RIGHT NOW!
Tell them how much they mean to you and that you love them.
Parents have bad days just like we do.
They really appreciate when you take the time from your crazy day to just call them up and check in on them.
Because someday you may not have the luxury to call them up.
So call them now.
And tell them you love them.
Parents are never perfect and neither are we.
But they raised you people!
They loved you when you were not that lovable.
Hell for my first 18 months of life I didnt sleep through the night, and I'm pretty sure there were plenty of nights my parents were frustrated with me.
I was not an easy baby, but I hope i've paid off being so difficult then by now.
I will just say this now.
I have fantastic parents.
They've always loved me, my siblings and any poor soul that should come through our door of craziness.
They've always been there for me.
They've always supported me.
They know me better than I know myself.
And they always call to check in whenever possible
Both call and fill me in on what is all happening with the family. Dad I think does it more for his sanity and because believe it or not but that engineer needs to hear my voice.
Mom calls more often than Dad, but my conversations with Dad are longer.
I talk to each pretty much the same.
Mom lets me know about any thing that needs to be done or if I need to go to the DMV for something. She also lets me in on family gossip and so does Dad.
They both miss me which makes sense because one of their flock isnt home in the nest. Its always been the 5. And now O is moved out, I think they need to check in with me more.
Maybe it hits me so hard because I have a skewed sense of mortality
Someday they wont be there and thats hard for me to comprehend.
I like to think that life will never change.
That it will stay the same.
But thats just not the case.
But with death there comes life.
Hopefully this week Abigail Alexis Cook will be born.
And I cannot wait to meet that beautiful child.
Liz and Alex are becoming parents.
And I cannot believe it!
Liz and I are technically married, because butterfly rings count as an actual marriage.
But I know they will do amazing.
Maybe i'm getting all mushy now because someday I too want to fall in love and start a family as well, if i'm able to.
And all this came about because of my mom and she posted something about calling your parents if they are still here. So I had a feeling this was about something...
Just as a back story, my mom lost her dad when she was about my age, a little younger.
So called mom and left her and dad a message telling them that I loved them.
Found out later we had had a family thing that was a bit scary but its all ok now. Do not panic!
But I called the parental units to check in.
And it just made me realize how much I take having great parents for granted.
They've been married for almost 28 years coming up on May 28th of this year.
And they have shown me what it means to be in love.
They've shown men how a man is supposed to treat a woman and how a woman is supposed to treat a man.
And that life isnt perfect, but its a pretty great journey.
And they gross myself and the siblings out all the time with their PDA. And its adorable.
They want to be national park rangers when they grow up. I mean really? Thats just too cute.
So my advice to you dear reader, wherever the heck you are in the world, call your parents.
RIGHT NOW!
Tell them how much they mean to you and that you love them.
Parents have bad days just like we do.
They really appreciate when you take the time from your crazy day to just call them up and check in on them.
Because someday you may not have the luxury to call them up.
So call them now.
And tell them you love them.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Oh the places i'll go
So believe it or not, but this Colorado girl wants to go places outside of Colorado.
Even though Colorado is the best state pretty much ever!
But guys I want to travel someday.
Far and wide.
Have some crazy stories.
Really my trip down the Rhine was what started it all.
Getting to experience other cultures and to go back to my homeland was what made me want to go back.
Part of the trip went through area that used to be the Prussian state of Germany.
Which is where my dads side is supposedly from.
But being in the area where you family originated, and where they lived for generations, really drove home how little I know about my roots.
Which sparked my need to go and visit my other homeland in Sweden.
Maybe because I've felt like I've been so Americanized is why I must go back. To keep the roots alive. To meet the long lost cousins that still live there and how we've lost touch. The family that still lives in the mother land that I've never met.
But that's not the only place.
Sure I want to go all over Europe but also all over the world.
India I think would be fascinating in particular the Ganges river.
Israel because its the birth place of three major religions.
South Africa.
New Zealand.
Svalbard.
Thailand.
South Korea.
Australia.
Panama.
Brazil.
Japan.
Egypt.
Myanmar with the Shanta Foundation to see what they do.
Chile.
The Galapagos islands.
Peru
Belize
United Arab Emirates.
Being a journalist I like the idea of the story teller and how we all have stories to tell. No one story is exactly the same.
We all have hopes and dreams for the future.
We all have opinions on life and the pursuit of happiness.
And I like to think that we all contribute to society in a positive way. No culture is greater than another in my opinion.
Each is different and special and has something to contribute.
And that has become my mentality in a way.
No one person is better than another person.
We are all the same.
We are all living here on this earth at the same time.
We all have hopes, dreams and fears.
We are all human and I want to travel and meet many of these humans and document their stories.
I want to open my world to more than just the beauty of Colorado.
But the beauty of the world.
Even though Colorado is the best state pretty much ever!
But guys I want to travel someday.
Far and wide.
Have some crazy stories.
Really my trip down the Rhine was what started it all.
Getting to experience other cultures and to go back to my homeland was what made me want to go back.
Part of the trip went through area that used to be the Prussian state of Germany.
Which is where my dads side is supposedly from.
But being in the area where you family originated, and where they lived for generations, really drove home how little I know about my roots.
Which sparked my need to go and visit my other homeland in Sweden.
Maybe because I've felt like I've been so Americanized is why I must go back. To keep the roots alive. To meet the long lost cousins that still live there and how we've lost touch. The family that still lives in the mother land that I've never met.
But that's not the only place.
Sure I want to go all over Europe but also all over the world.
India I think would be fascinating in particular the Ganges river.
Israel because its the birth place of three major religions.
South Africa.
New Zealand.
Svalbard.
Thailand.
South Korea.
Australia.
Panama.
Brazil.
Japan.
Egypt.
Myanmar with the Shanta Foundation to see what they do.
Chile.
The Galapagos islands.
Peru
Belize
United Arab Emirates.
Being a journalist I like the idea of the story teller and how we all have stories to tell. No one story is exactly the same.
We all have hopes and dreams for the future.
We all have opinions on life and the pursuit of happiness.
And I like to think that we all contribute to society in a positive way. No culture is greater than another in my opinion.
Each is different and special and has something to contribute.
And that has become my mentality in a way.
No one person is better than another person.
We are all the same.
We are all living here on this earth at the same time.
We all have hopes, dreams and fears.
We are all human and I want to travel and meet many of these humans and document their stories.
I want to open my world to more than just the beauty of Colorado.
But the beauty of the world.
Girl Scouts
Now being a former Girl Scout I know all their tricks at the store.
The younger ones get all the sales because they are so cute and no one can say no to a Brownie with big eyes and a need for that cookie prize of that unicorn stuffed animal.
We know how to get them girls.
Valentines Day is a big selling day for girl scout cookies because everyone wants some chocolate or something sweet on Valentines Day!
My mom was the cookie mom so I know all about the craziness because our entire dining room table and dining room would be covered in boxes upon boxes of cookies
Ohh and when my sister started she was the cookie mom too for her! And then we had to compete for customers!
Grandma always bought from both but the neighbors we had a toss up.
Claire always got more sales because she has always been adorable and lets be honest, after 12 the awkward hit harder than ever thought possible
But I loved being in Girl Scouts. Some of my closest and longest known friends are from Girl Scouts. Paige, Tia, Ali.
We all started out fairly early in the scouts together and we've just stayed friends through and through with band and up on until college.
Lets see, Thin Mints are like crack.
So are Samoas.
Tagalongs have kind of gone down hill. They don't taste as good as the used to.
Do-si- dos are still pretty good.
But those couple always stay
And they try to introduce a new flavor and make it the next Thin Mint.
Like what is up with Ra-Ra- Raisin???
But they will never succeed.
Thin Mints are our legal crack
And even though the prices are going up and the boxes are getting smaller, we still cant get enough of those damn girl scout cookies.
The younger ones get all the sales because they are so cute and no one can say no to a Brownie with big eyes and a need for that cookie prize of that unicorn stuffed animal.
We know how to get them girls.
Valentines Day is a big selling day for girl scout cookies because everyone wants some chocolate or something sweet on Valentines Day!
My mom was the cookie mom so I know all about the craziness because our entire dining room table and dining room would be covered in boxes upon boxes of cookies
Ohh and when my sister started she was the cookie mom too for her! And then we had to compete for customers!
Grandma always bought from both but the neighbors we had a toss up.
Claire always got more sales because she has always been adorable and lets be honest, after 12 the awkward hit harder than ever thought possible
But I loved being in Girl Scouts. Some of my closest and longest known friends are from Girl Scouts. Paige, Tia, Ali.
We all started out fairly early in the scouts together and we've just stayed friends through and through with band and up on until college.
Lets see, Thin Mints are like crack.
So are Samoas.
Tagalongs have kind of gone down hill. They don't taste as good as the used to.
Do-si- dos are still pretty good.
But those couple always stay
And they try to introduce a new flavor and make it the next Thin Mint.
Like what is up with Ra-Ra- Raisin???
But they will never succeed.
Thin Mints are our legal crack
And even though the prices are going up and the boxes are getting smaller, we still cant get enough of those damn girl scout cookies.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Zhe Food Blogging Fantantic
So food blogging for me this semester has been one of the most stressful and fun classes. I've struggled to keep creative and keep up with the learning curve of the class.
Learning WIX was a hot mess at the start. Now its getting better and i'm working out the kinks.
I will be perfectly honestly, my first food blog was a hot mess. A legitimate hot mess.
And its all been better from that.
Its been actual food porn.
My photography has improved and i've become more confident in my recipes.
My group won the food styling competition and I was half of the reason why because our group submitted 4 photos total that were gorgeous and 2 of the 4 I took.
I love food blogging and getting out my little set up of tile, chiffon, pillows, towels and blankets.
Getting to just eat a bunch of beautiful food and then have it pay off in a nice grade.
Usually in a class it takes me a while to find my stride but I think I finally found mine and i'm proud of what I have accomplished thus far.
Leslie did tell me that since the beginning of the class my blog has improved the most. Which i'm proud of.
My format is strong.
The writing is getting better.
The pictures are lovely and food porn like.
And i'm proud to show people what all i've accomplished
Plus it gives me an excuse to cook for the roommate if possible and any other souls that may want to come over for breakfast :)
Look out world because you'll be seeing Gluten Free Banana Bread Ginger Stuffed French Toast with a banana topping.
You are all going to die when you see the pictures. I promise you that!
Learning WIX was a hot mess at the start. Now its getting better and i'm working out the kinks.
I will be perfectly honestly, my first food blog was a hot mess. A legitimate hot mess.
And its all been better from that.
Its been actual food porn.
My photography has improved and i've become more confident in my recipes.
My group won the food styling competition and I was half of the reason why because our group submitted 4 photos total that were gorgeous and 2 of the 4 I took.
I love food blogging and getting out my little set up of tile, chiffon, pillows, towels and blankets.
Getting to just eat a bunch of beautiful food and then have it pay off in a nice grade.
Usually in a class it takes me a while to find my stride but I think I finally found mine and i'm proud of what I have accomplished thus far.
Leslie did tell me that since the beginning of the class my blog has improved the most. Which i'm proud of.
My format is strong.
The writing is getting better.
The pictures are lovely and food porn like.
And i'm proud to show people what all i've accomplished
Plus it gives me an excuse to cook for the roommate if possible and any other souls that may want to come over for breakfast :)
Look out world because you'll be seeing Gluten Free Banana Bread Ginger Stuffed French Toast with a banana topping.
You are all going to die when you see the pictures. I promise you that!
Of the female persuasion
That's right guys we went there.
Sometimes I would kill to just pee outside or write my name in the snow.
Is that too much to ask?
I know that there are devices for women so that they can pee like a man. But apparently they don't work that well unfortunately.
I cant be the only woman in the world that sometimes wishes she had outdoor plumbing?
OK don't get me wrong I love being a female about 80% of the time. But sometimes there's those weeks that we all hate, and boobs just get in the way, and the male persuasion is being dumb. And you wouldn't mind just switching genders for a day to see how the other one lives
I know quite a few guys who would kill to do that because A- your own boobs. B- usually are not expected to pay for a date. C- boobs.
And for females A- no make up. B- wear whatever you want. C- no catcalling or being sexually objectified.
I was on a date on Valentines Day and a guy I walked by gave me the full look over. Like I was a piece of meat. I didn't see it but the date did.
I do not find being checked out as funny or cute.
Yeah i'm one of those weird girls that would rather be known for my achievements that i've earned for myself rather than the outward appearance I've been given.
That would be nice if the entire world was just feminists and we would just believe in equality of genders. I cant wait for that day...
There was this male Australian anchor that wore the same suit for an entire year, and no one noticed. Just to show how we always focus on the women for how they look.
http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/australian-news-anchor-wears-same-suit-daily-for-a-year-to-prove-point/ - heres the link and thanks Keith for the correction!
If a woman did that she would be ridiculed.
Sorry this is becoming a feminist rant...
But wouldn't it be nice to just spend the day in the other genders body. I personally would like that a lot!
And contrary to popular belief I do like being a woman.
I have plenty of strong female role models in my family and in my life whom I look up to.
Shout out to my mom, sister, girl cousins, aunts, grandmas and all the other females i'm related to!
Women are wonderful beautiful creatures. We can do amazing things. Boobs are fun. Sundresses are great things. So are jeans and yoga pants. We can have more fun style wise then men in some ways but that also means we come under some criticism, which we can usually handle.
High heels are great for confidence and so is red lipstick.
Boots are so sweet and flip flops just scream summer.
I like to be seen as a woman, an equal gender to men. We have our flaws and strengths just as men do. That does not make either of us lesser or greater than the other.
I believe that if we can see each other as equals we will live in a much better of society.
So I will hope for a greater more equal tomorrow.
Sometimes I would kill to just pee outside or write my name in the snow.
Is that too much to ask?
I know that there are devices for women so that they can pee like a man. But apparently they don't work that well unfortunately.
I cant be the only woman in the world that sometimes wishes she had outdoor plumbing?
OK don't get me wrong I love being a female about 80% of the time. But sometimes there's those weeks that we all hate, and boobs just get in the way, and the male persuasion is being dumb. And you wouldn't mind just switching genders for a day to see how the other one lives
I know quite a few guys who would kill to do that because A- your own boobs. B- usually are not expected to pay for a date. C- boobs.
And for females A- no make up. B- wear whatever you want. C- no catcalling or being sexually objectified.
I was on a date on Valentines Day and a guy I walked by gave me the full look over. Like I was a piece of meat. I didn't see it but the date did.
I do not find being checked out as funny or cute.
Yeah i'm one of those weird girls that would rather be known for my achievements that i've earned for myself rather than the outward appearance I've been given.
That would be nice if the entire world was just feminists and we would just believe in equality of genders. I cant wait for that day...
There was this male Australian anchor that wore the same suit for an entire year, and no one noticed. Just to show how we always focus on the women for how they look.
http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/australian-news-anchor-wears-same-suit-daily-for-a-year-to-prove-point/ - heres the link and thanks Keith for the correction!
If a woman did that she would be ridiculed.
Sorry this is becoming a feminist rant...
But wouldn't it be nice to just spend the day in the other genders body. I personally would like that a lot!
And contrary to popular belief I do like being a woman.
I have plenty of strong female role models in my family and in my life whom I look up to.
Shout out to my mom, sister, girl cousins, aunts, grandmas and all the other females i'm related to!
Women are wonderful beautiful creatures. We can do amazing things. Boobs are fun. Sundresses are great things. So are jeans and yoga pants. We can have more fun style wise then men in some ways but that also means we come under some criticism, which we can usually handle.
High heels are great for confidence and so is red lipstick.
Boots are so sweet and flip flops just scream summer.
I like to be seen as a woman, an equal gender to men. We have our flaws and strengths just as men do. That does not make either of us lesser or greater than the other.
I believe that if we can see each other as equals we will live in a much better of society.
So I will hope for a greater more equal tomorrow.
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