Mean to me

There's this song by the country artist Brett Eldredge called Mean to Me.
Its about what a person means to another person.
And how they make you feel.
Well I've been listening to this song a lot.

It is just so good and seeing as I grew up listening to country music like the Dixie Chicks, John Denver and Tim McGraw I loved this because it just brought me back to my roots, literally.
My childhood was full of this and then both sides of my family are farmers or ranchers.
So the country culture.

I'm hoping to find someone some day that wants me and I like them in them in return similar to how Brett Eldredge is describing in this song.

But it got me thinking about what people really mean to you.

Like what if tomorrow you just suddenly didn't have your close family and friends still in your life.
Those relationships that you've built and invested in.
Like what if tomorrow suddenly Deanna and Carter just were no longer around, not saying they died or anything,  but I was alone.

My family is a huge part of my life and they are a constant source of support and love for me.

You never really realize how much they mean to you until they leave.

They left to drive home to Arvada around noon today.
And I just felt so alone.

Now it would be bad if I was happy to see them leave.

They mean a lot to me.
I love our banter and how warm and welcoming they are.
We are never boring and we love to joke with each other.
We snuggle and cook and laugh a lot.
And sometimes we are bit loud and rambunctious but I love them none the less.
But they mean the world to me.

Sometimes we joke about selling Owen to the gypsies but we haven't yet.
He's an integral part of our family.


So if you forgot, you mean something to many people.
Never forget that.

All I want now is just for them to turn around and come back here to stay with me for a while longer.

Because they mean a lot to me.

Adventuring

So my family is not your typical family that when they are visiting somewhere they will relax at the beach.
No we are the type that need a vacation after a vacation.
And this mentality also applies to pretty much wherever we go.
We explore where we are.
Its really hard for us to relax.

So it was no surprise we were up early and ready to go to Mesa Verde on Saturday.
Now Mesa Verde or the entrance to the park is about a half an hour from where I live and then its another half an hour until you actually get to something you want to see besides the twisty mountain roads.

Now this is like my 3rd time to Mesa Verde.
The first was about 14 years ago when our family went on vacation down here.
I was 7.
And that was a super fun vacation.
I came here about 3 years ago with my ex and his parental units and we toured around and did some stuff.

And then I came with my family this weekend,
Still just as amazing as when I was seven.
I love how unique the cliff dwellings are.

Unfortunately Owen was at the wheel so we had to stop at every single stop even though it may be another hole in the ground.
He is legitimately as human sponge.
When he was interning for the Air and Space Smithsonian two years ago he got through the entire thing in 15 hours.
He read every sign on every wall in every exhibit.
He's that kid.

But we had a ton of fun just going around and went on a few little hikes and it rained and I may not have been prepared and had to wear Owen's extra shirt but it was OK because I got to spend the day with my favorite crazy people.

And then after all of that we came home and made dinner and Deanna and Carter came over and got to experience the madness of my family.
Now I love the family but sometimes they like to tell embarrassing stories but for the most part the stories they told were pretty mild which is good.


So after a long day of hanging out with a wild family and then stressing on what they would do with the friends, I went to bed content on what all happened.

Thank god.

1st day and zhe family comes to town

So my day started at 6 am when my alarm went off.
Now we all know how much I hate mornings.
But today was my first day at Mild to Wild.
And it started at 8:30  and there's probably nothing worse in my mind than being late on the first day.
It sets your entire impression in the company.

So I got up kind of, then I started my "Good Morning Beautiful" playlist and that helped get me up.

I was so excited from the day before because of getting a job that I couldn't really get to sleep early and then I had to get up early and I was afraid I was going to sleep through my multiple alarms and be late or rushed so suffice to say I didn't get much sleep.

So I finally rolled out of bed around 6:30 and started the coffee.
That always helps no matter what.

Slathered on the make up so I would look alive.
Got my breakfast and sat down to just soak it all in.
The morning sun is one of my favorite times of day.
Its just so perfect and pretty.
Like a new canvas ready to be painted.

Get to work 10 minutes early and get orientated on what I need to do.
Nothing too mind boggling.
And start checking people in.

We get everyone including a wedding party and a German group all sorted out.
Clean some stuff and organize the stuffed animals.
Then I organize the staff shirts.
And fix some other things.
Hang with Lainey.
Watch some videos.

Then I finally head home and get some lunch.
Write the thank you note and then find out I got the job.
Go home and clean and clean before the family gets here.

And then they come, we make dinner and head out on the town.
Now somehow I missed that Caleb who is Claire's boyfriend was coming but its fine because hes a cool guy and we like him.
And then go and shop a little.
See a few friends.
Head to Steamworks and get a bunch of desserts.

We got 4 yes 4.
Dear lord it was amazing.

And then come home and get ready for bed and here I am with the cutest little sister in the world sleeping peacefully next to me as I write this.
I am so happy right now
I have two great jobs.
My family is here and tomorrow we are going adventuring and I cant wait to go.
And I'll document it for a blog post for the Durango tourism center.
And the world is just perfect right now

I have it figured out for the most part.
Love isn't too complicated right now.
I'm just happy to have them here with me.
Literally smiling right now.

I've got it under control.
Massive sigh of relief.
Thank you god.

Things are looking up

So today things finally started to look promising.

I had two interviews within and hour of each other and both went splendidly.
I think this whole determination to get a damn job finally made me into a machine that will just not stop
I wanted that job and at the end of the second interview I had a job at Mild to Wild as get this, a greeter.
I can be friendly and informative and greet people. I can do that.

the interview at There's No Place Like Home I felt went well but I also felt that about when I interviewed at the Spaah shop.
And I didn't get that.

But get this guys.
Today as I was dropping off the thank you note at There's No Place Like Home she asked me to hold on for a minute.
I only have learned this from the best.
My dad got his job from dropping of a thank you note after the interview.
Hes had the same job that is 2 miles from our house for 18 years.
All over a thank you note.

So she asks me to hang out a minute so we can talk and she tells me that shes been meaning to call me and tell me I got the job.
And then she goes and gets her husband who owns the white dragon tea room which is just adorable and I feel like I already fit there.
Which just makes my day and if you have ever been into There's No Place Like Home you know that that place is perfect for me.
Eclectic and fun and full of cool little things and things to smell and touch.
Totally me.

AND I FREAKING WORK THERE NOW!
I GOT THE BEST JOBS

I was really hoping I wouldn't have to work some place terrible and now I work for two yes two great companies.

So yes now I just have to figure out how to work with the two of them and make some money.
This girl is single and independent.
I don't need no man to take me out to enjoy a drink.
I can treat myself.
I can make myself happy.

And I think that's part of becoming an adult.
Being able to make yourself happy by yourself.

But now I actually have money so I don't have to stress as much.
Hello world this girl is making money.

If music be the food of love, play on

So I have this thing that whenever I am especially lonely, I will go back to old songs that I've played in band and listen to them again and reminisce.
This happened today.

I've always found comfort in listening to my pieces and how they all just seem to come back alive for me again.

Today I also listened to rose variations by Robert Russell Bennett which we played in band during our CMEA band tour last spring.There's a part that seriously sounds like the sleeping beauty waltz and  I die a little inside whenever I listen to it.

The other day it was Arabesque by Samuel Hazo which I played the first semester of my freshman year and I just remember grooving along to that song. It goes and builds and there is so much anticipation in it.The flute solo at the beginning with the warm undertones just goes to show how under appreciated the lower octave of a flute really is. I can still the notes under my fingers and how we would just fly through that song.When the percussion really comes in you can almost see dancers twirling around.

Or Moscow 1941 is another favorite from way back in middle school. This is similar in feeling to Arabesque where it just builds and it really takes you on a journey. I remember the horns being super prominent and just adding that gorgeous extra color.

Alligator Alley by Michael Daugherty is what my beloved band teacher freshman year of high school threw at us. He got really excited because he suddenly had four yes four bassoonists to have fun with. And seeing as we hadn't really gone up into the higher octaves of our instruments like ever and it was a bassoon solo in that octave we had some trouble. I remember my chops hurting like hell afterwards but it was a good introduction on what to expect.

Nessun Dorma is from Puccinis Turnadot and it is the absolutely gorgeous piece that just builds and releases. Tension release. Always having you on the edge of your seat. This was during my junior year marching season and that was our ballad. Gorgeous arcs and slow moving grace. Dear lord this was an event but I loved it so much. This was my favorite marching show by far by the drill and the music.

The closer for that show was the Firebird Suite which if you've ever seen fantasia 2000 its the part with the big green bird that brings life back to the earth. Absolutely gorgeous. And such quick changes from the hellish part to the green bird part. Oh and the company front we did for that was legendary!

And then of course Ghost train and Godzilla Eats Las Vegas by Eric Whitacre are some of my favorites as well. I finally got to play Ghost Train in College and Godzilla was the last semester of my senior year. Whitacre has this knack of really pushing the limits with time signatures, keys and he loves to expose certain parts. He keeps it raw and bare. But there is beauty in taking the band and distilling it into something greater. That's why wind ensembles are so great because each player has to know their stuff front and back.

I really feel that the horn, bassoon, oboe and English horn are some of the most under utilized and most unique sounding instruments in the band. If I could be reincarnated as a sound I would be a great horn rip.

Music for me has always been a solace and a challenge. If you weren't in Steve Meyers Mountain Sports Writing last semester you wont know the struggle I've had with being a bassoonist.
The men love to point out i'm playing a massive piece of wood.
Reeds are awful.
We usually don't get that great of parts or any parts at all.
Sometimes we are totally forgotten.
We can outplay most of our directors in 8th grade. No joke.
We are rare and a pain in the ass.

But I wouldn't trade the last almost 12 years of playing for the world.
That is where my adopted family lives.
In the twisted curves of a note run and in the stink of a band room after a parade.
That's where some of my deepest and most meaningful relationships are rooted.
In the soil of the love of creating and learning music.

And even though i'm just doing band still for fun, I cant imagine not doing it.
Not having that constant supply of band nerds to hang around with and brag about the pieces we've done.
Sure sometimes I want to kill Andy, the dumb flutes and that's about it.
But i still come back.

Because this bassoonist cant stop now.
Its in my blood to never stop doing something I love.

Much more than my surface

In this day and age and pretty much since the beginning of time people were initially seen for their outward appearance.
Women in particular have been the focus of this.
We are always renowned for our beauty and how graceful we are.
And then we are remembered by our intelligence.

Its like people work their way in to getting to know the real you from the outside in.

For women it takes a bit longer for people to put together a full work up of who you are because they sometimes are so enamored by your outward appearance.
But if you are not pretty we automatically assume you are smart in some situations because you have to make up for your lack or appeasing looks.

I know this sounds super weird but think it through.
When you describe a woman you usually tell about her appearance and then her accomplishments.
Unless she isn't all that pretty and then you say she has a nice personality.

What a screwed up world we live in.

An Australian News Anchor Named Karl Stefanovic wore the same suit jacket for a year
AND NO ONE NOTICED!
Now if a woman did that we would be up in arms and we would have noticed that right away.
But it just goes to show you how much more woman are criticized in the media for their appearance.

We have a harder ladder to climb than that male gender.
Our beauty is a curse and a gift in a way.
Its a double edged sword.

But this whole thought process came about because last night I was out with some friends at Bingo night at Falcs. We met up with some friends after and there were some new faces in the group.
Well anyways this one guy was talking to me and he remembered me but I didn't remember him.
The reason he remembered was that I was going out with this guy and he didnt quite understand why.

Now just as a forewarning, this relationship he was talking about was a good relationship for the time.
It was a good almost 2 years together. He was there for me when I needed him the most. He was my first love. This is a big deal because things don't usually work out for me but for the time being that worked for me.

But it made me go on this tangent about how I am so much more than my previous relationships.
I am so much more than the clothes I wear.
I am so much more than the appearance I have been given.
I am so much more than the awards I have accomplished.
I am so much more than the mountains I have conquered.
I am so much more than the adventures I have been on.
I am so much more than the mistakes I have made.
I am so much more than the men I have found slight bouts of companionship with.
I am so much more than the friendships I have made and those that I may have neglected.

A person is multifaceted.
We are so much more than one thing in this life.
And I would like people to know me for the accomplishments I've made and the good things I've done in this world over the appearance I have.
I know I am cute but honestly I am so awkward when it comes to compliments about my appearance because they are so easy to do and so shallow.
And I like to give genuine compliments and when I receive one about my appearance I cant but question about a persons intentions.
And then I feel like I should reciprocate the compliments but I don't want to put them in the same situation.
So its a whole big mess.

If you want to make an impression start up a conversation about something that I am passionate about. Challenge me to a conversation to more than just what I look like.
Now that would be unique and wonderful!

Make me use my mind versus having to rely on my looks.
Now that would be something.

Deanna turns 21

So my beautiful friend Deanna Shanae Atkins turned 21 on June 7th 2015.

FINALLY!
She is the last person in our trio of friends to finally turn 21.
Very small close friend group that hangs out all the time since we are a bit anti social.
Of Carter, Deanna and myself I turned 21 first and then Carter was a few weeks after and finally Deanna can hang out with us at bars.

This occurrence does not happen all that often.
So for her 21st we went all out.

Now for those of you that don't know, Deanna, Carter and I were in band together freshman year and we never really talked to each other.
Then first semester of sophomore year we were all in the Indy together. And I got to know Deanna there because we were both reporters. And then slowly I also go to know  Carter as well through Food lit.

Now this girl is crazy gorgeous and she pretty much kicks ass and takes names all the same time.
She has been the Print editor for the Indy for quite some time now but now shes moving on to video because she is just that cool and I know that she will do fabulous there too!
We are both middle children and because of this we are both really over protective older sisters to our little sisters.

She's a freaking model.
No joke and really if you've ever seen her you know why.

I love this girl to the moon and back and we've had so many classes together that we sometimes plan our class schedules so that we are in similar classes at the same time.

We may have different approaches to getting men, hers being the most effective.
But we can always gossip about the current herd of men or whatever is happening in the Indy.

She can bake like nobodies business. I'm actually quite surprised that Carter isn't 200 pounds already.
She has a real talent there.
And she can write too and I love being paired with her when we have to edit in class because she knows her stuff, but she is also great at giving feedback so it doesn't hurt.

So happy 21st beautiful!

Here is what happened on that gorgeous day.
Well the night before we had a party and Deanna and Carters place and then we headed to the bars whilst all dolled up and a bit tipsy to celebrate at midnight.
MOM we had a few DD's so we were safe the entire night.
I didn't drink after we left the party because once i'm tipsy I stop because I have this nagging feeling to always be somewhat coherent.
So I turned into full on control freak and herding people with Sierra, Deannas sister, from place to place.
We accidentally lost her but it was just that the group behind us decided to stop at the roadhouse and we didn't see and just kept going to Joel's.
Yep well we found them again.
Ended the night at the ranch like the best of us.

We went home and went to sleep.

And then we woke up that day and I went home got some sleep, ate some food and then came over again for round 2.
We made waffles. I put on some more make up and tried to make my hair manageable.
And then we headed out again!
Because we are just that cool or something.
Started in the office, went to Joel's, then the roadhouse and I was dozing off there which probably wasn't the best idea and then ended the night once again at the ranch.

So it was a crazy weekend but I wouldn't have had it any other way to celebrate her birthday.
Welcome the 21 and over crew