21

Well its been a month since I turned 22.

So why not write about what the hell I learned in my 21st year of life.

I didn't get to go out like I had hoped on my 21st because of the damn snow. But I did spend it with my lovely family and the best roommate ever.

And I got my mermaid tail.

I didn't get my new years kiss which looking back now was a good thing.
I set it up perfectly and then he just walked away.
Oh well.

A few weeks later I went out with my friends and properly celebrated my birthday, and very safely drank until I threw up.
I didn't make a mess.
You would be proud.

I experienced my first snow down and it was amazing and insane and slightly drunken. But I was very safe.
If you learn anything from reading this know, I am always safe whilst drinking.

I had my first date with a man on Valentines day.
And to be honest, it was pretty great.
No pressure.
Just getting to know him.

A few weeks later I ate an entire pint of talenti gelato in one sitting.

I fell in love with the most beautiful little girl on the 1st of March 2015.
Abigail Alexis Cook came into this world that particular day.

I found out that I hate being the designated driver for a ton of drunk people.
Because they always forget to thank you.
But they are awfully funny.

I met the most beautiful little girl when she was roughly 3 weeks old.

I found I like the idea of cooking and food, but I don't actually like doing it.
I want my food now.
I don't want to have to wait for it.

I found I love to snuggle with my roommate.
And that isn't weird in the least.

I went out with a friend for a few weeks.
And then we were still friends after which I am so grateful for.

I found one of my favorite professors will give the stink eye to boys that are mean

I realized in less than a year that I would be walking across that stage at graduation.
And that scared the shit out of me.

And then I told the guys in my section this fact and Andy responds "well at least then we'll be in tune..."

I saw my beautiful, wonderful and witty little sister graduate from high school. I am so proud of her.

I found out what it's like to push the limits with your parents kindness and then get mad, get stuff done and find a job.

Actually I got hired by 2 in one day.
That is quite the accomplishment.

And then I found out what its like to be let go from one because apparently I didn't quite fit.
When you seriously thought you fit in like a glove.
And having to leave this place that is like a second home. All the friends that stayed.

Also found that my dad will go out of his way if I need answers.
Lets just say, crying hot mess Julia + protective father = a great story

And then exactly 2 weeks later I got a new job. I had dropped off my resume the same day that I picked up my last pay check at my previous job. That next monday I did an interview with the new place. That day was exactly 2 weeks since I had been let go from my other job. I was so happy and fortunate to have found a new place that wanted me even with my previous experiences.

I found what its like to worry incessantly about a mentor.

I found what its like to run from one job to the next.

I found what its like to have friends that you see nearly every day.

I got to celebrate the 21st birthday of one of my best and most beautiful friends, Miss Deanna.

I went drove to Mancos on the 1 year anniversary of Bri's death and drove around and made peace with it all. I finally put her to rest.

I took up running and started racing the train sometimes.

I found I like the feeling of wind in my hair.

My wonderful family came down to see me twice. And I was the happiest camper.

I got used to living alone for 3 months.

And I jumped for joy when the roommate moved back in.
Because I really really really missed her.

I had some great kisses and some really bad ones too.
What part of kissing is a conversation, do people not understand?!
Sorry, I have strong lips. It's a bassoonist thing.

I liked this man that moved away way too long until I had to be told to move on.

We celebrated my moms' 3 year survivor day. August 8th 2012 will always be ingrained in my mind.

I was an orientation leader again this year and I bribed my group with sugar. Like capri suns, ice cream bars and some chocolate.
I think they liked me.
I see some of them occasionally.

I got on the dean's list for the first time.

I am so proud to be where I am.

I found that being single is really pretty okay.

I found that masterdating is pretty great as well. So I occasionally take myself out on a date. And it is perfectly lovely and fine with me.

Grant and I occasionally talked and I feel like things are starting to get more normal. I am so proud of him and what he is currently doing with his life.

I went on some really good dates and some really bad ones as well.

I had to be extremely blunt sometimes with people and learned that sometimes you just have to say right out that you don't like a person a certain way for them to finally get it.

I might have actually screeched for joy over the phone one night.

I became oddly good friends with my Spanish professor...

I put my foot in my mouth so badly. I still feel so awful about what I said.

I went to the cardiologist and found out some answers.
Like if I ever want to have children it is not impossible, but it would be a high-risk pregnancy.
Also, I currently have a normal functioning aorta. Yay for me and modern medicine!
And I found out that I'm a little bit of a miracle child.
So this all puts some of my future plans for what I want to do in perspective and it answers some questions instead of just beating myself up with what ifs.

I flirted a lot.

My mom came down to see my Christmas band concert and we (well mostly her) cleaned my entire apartment.
It was amazing.
Thank you so much mom.

I found kindness and understanding are things I need most.
Kindness is one of the hardest things to find in this world.

I cried a lot this year.
I questioned my self-worth a lot.

I got told my designs had become stagnant.
I hate that word.
And that me of all people could ever make anything "stagnant".
So I revamped my style.
And I think its worked.

I found that I want to find a partner. Not a husband.
I don't want to be a wife. I don't want to be boxed into what I'm expected to do.
Whatever happened to teamwork??

I found that people that are not feminists are really hard for me to get along with.
Because I feel like men and women should be equal in all facets of society.
And people that put down other people or themselves because of their gender I think is silly.

I strengthened a few relationships.
KC you have been one of the hardest people to love but at the end of the day I love that you are one of my closest friends. You push me to get out of my comfort zone and some of my favorite memories are with you. I remember the day you told me he loved you. I am so happy for you.

I also got the idea that someday I want to get a tiny bassoon tattoo somewhere on my body.

I occasionally walk around naked which never used to happen.
My body is a work of art. Why should I be ashamed of my curves or my scars?
They show my character.

I wasn't home as much as I would have liked.

We got a new puppy named Jax. Not actually a puppy, he's 4 years old. He's sweet. Just not always the smartest.

I found Claire is so much more mature than I was at her age. She amazes me every day.
I found Owen has this adorable and very secretive romantic side. Thank you, Ashley for bringing that out of him.
I found my parents are full of surprises. They are some of the most loving and caring people i've ever met. I am proud to have their blood running in my veins,

My 21st year of life was a great and hard year of life.
But I would never change it.
I am so proud of all the strides I've made.
I got out of my comfort zone a bit more.
My 21st year was a lot better than my 20th year.
I am a lot happier.
I am so much braver now.

So 22 shouldn't be too bad right??

The things you do for band...

So friday was an absolutely insane day because I had a presentation AND a band concert.
So I had to leave class early as per usual to get to rehearsal.
Then get dinner and put on this make up.
This was not my idea of fun.

I love make up in general.
I love putting it on.
Hell one of my favorite parts of the day is when I put on my make up.
It changes everything.

But Walters wanted the entire band in black and white ghost make up.
The. Entire. Band. In. Makeup.

Nope.

So I had to put that on and I did not enjoy putting that on on top of the make up I already had on.
Only men think its a good idea to wear crazy stage make up.

So we do the concert.
Face paint and zombie walk and all.

And I go home and I scrub all that shit off my face.

Never again Walters.
Never again.

"This is going to sound weird, but do you possibly have seashells?"

Finding seashells in a landlocked state.

Good idea to be a mermaid for Halloween.
Yes really good idea Julia Grace.

Oddly enough tiny Durango CO does have seashells.
At the fish store.
Hermit crab shells.
At the cowboy store.
Abalone.
At pier 1
Decorations.

Let me just say, trying to find them was a journey at a half.
And I'm pretty sure I cracked up half the media center whilst doing so.

Because lets be honest, a woman looking for seashells, in Durango, for a mermaid costume.

Yeah that was me.
And I'm sure some of those people I called went home later that day and said something like...

"I had the weirdest conversation today. This girl was looking for seashells for a mermaid costume. She's going to freeze her ass off I can tell you that."

Stomping

So relationships are hard.
And the older I get the more I realize that I want to spend my time with people that do something for me.
Such as making me happy or engage me in unique conversations.
They give me something that I can't find anywhere else.
And that's a quality all of my friends have.

So why would I spend time with someone that I do not connect with on multiple levels and whom I don't really enjoy?

I have no idea.

But that happened and I realized that I didn't want to go any further.
So I stopped something before it got any further.
Because I realized my time was better spent elsewhere for both parties.
We weren't that connected.
I didn't have time.
And I just wanted to move on.

And I didn't want to hurt them.
So I cut it off before it went too far.

And I think that was one of my best decisions.
Why waste time on something that doesn't make you happy.

Life is only so long.
Why waste it on something that neither person enjoys?

That's not fair for anyone.

So moral of the story.
Always pursue happiness.

recruiting

So the indy was in desperate need of staff because lets be honest our current staff is quite small.
And no one came back this semester.
And so we had less people.
So I had this genius idea to send out a mass email to professors from some other departments that might have students that would be interested.
English, History, Theatre, Business and Art.

Let me just tell you Business has more professors than all the departments combined.
And maybe 2 got back to me.

Thanks guys.

Well I sent that out.

And then realized that I had a typo in the first sentence of the email that was sent to the english professors.
And then I realized I had sent it from my msn email and not my fort lewis.
So it could have ended up in spam boxes.


But I did get some responses.
And so we did get some people into classes.
So hopefully we will have a variety of people next semester and with different talents more than communications majors.

Bossy Pants

So when I need to get something done in a group project I tend to get a bit bossy.

Okay to be honest, I get really bossy.

Like no joke.

I will try to make the entire world revolve around me.

Yeah I am that diva.




So here is the deal.
We were filming for my social media marketing class.
And I was being excessively bossy.
And indecisive.
And hyper as hell.

But somehow with all the gibberish coming out of my mouth we filmed the entire thing.
Which only needed to be 50 -70 seconds.
But we all know we went over because our group or well the 2/3rds that showed up for filming day is badass.
 That one guy. Did not show up.

And that other guy was so freaking helpful.
Like we became buds.
It was so good.

"You have sushi, RIGHT?!"

So the roommate and I finally had our schedules open up enough that we could finally go on a sushi date.
These happened a lot more last year but this year they have been less and less because we are just both extremely busy.
Its not so good.
So we finally found a spare hour or so to spend together and eat food.

WELL it started out okay.
And then we got hangry

So our favorite spot Rice Monkey we had to wait for.
And we waited for like 40 minutes for a table.
And then we went back to check and found out they were out of sushi.

So I just went NOPE AND WALKED MY HAPPY LITTLE ASS OUT THE DOOR.
I  usually am more polite than that but we were hungry.
And I was damn determined to find some sushi.
Because it was our sushi date night.
And we cant have that with out sushi.

So we headed to East by Southwest.
Which we've never been to together.
But what the heck, were branching out.

So we walk in and with a crazy look in my eye I look the lady in the eye and say "you have sushi RIGHT?!"
And she answers yes.

We get seated.
Order a crap ton of food.
Eat all of it.
Then find out we get cotton candy too.
And then I am literally the happiest person ever.

So the moral of the story is, don't mess with me when i'm hungry.
Or i might just end up eating you.

I don't have to set an alarm

SQUEEEEEE
Like you have no idea how great it is to just wake up naturally.
Not to some random radio station or to some screeching or because you just woke up because you were worried about something.

But to just sleep.
And then wake up with the sun.
And then stretch your arms to the sky like a disney princess.
And then fall back asleep for like the next few hours.

So damn good.

Because I always have to set an alarm to wake up for school or for work or to go into do something for school.
So I never get a lazy saturday morning and that particular day I did.
And I literally was so excited to just sleep and sleep and sleep.
Because I am old and I love sleep like more than anything else.
Unless its cheese.
Then I love cheese as much as sleep.

To tell you i'm sorry for breaking your heart

ADELE
OH MY GOODNESS
The entire world cried ugly tears the day she released her new single Hello.
And then even more when the entire album came out.

Being a musician I can recognize unique tambours in a voice.
She certainly has a special one.
A tambour is a type of sound.
Like the different type of sound that a clarinet makes versus a trumpet.
One is soft and warm, the other is brighter.

Its not the range but the sheen of the sound if that makes sense.

ANYWAYS
I listened to Hello probably a dozen times that particular day.

Because it just connected with me as it did with pretty much every single person.

A love that just slipped through your fingers and the residual aftermath that you have to deal with.

When its your fault.

I've felt this way before. Like it was all my fault. Like everything you did just feel to pieces.
Utter guilt.

And i've been on the other end.
I've been the one whos heart has been broken and not picking up the phone.

So it showed me that both sides of what i've dealt with were normal.
That maybe somewhere in my crazy workings of a brain, it wasnt so discombobulated because someone else has done and gone through the same things.

It connected to me and I felt like a piece of my soul that had been dormant for a while had awakened.
So good.
So soulful.
We missed you Adele.

Never ever ever leave us again.
Love the world

Group work

I kind of really hate group work.
Because the type of people that you can get stuck with always varies.
Like you could have a bunch of overachievers that all work together nicely.
Or a bunch of slackers and so now you have to do all the work.
Or someone that just takes over the entire thing for no real reason other than they are a control freak.

So anyways,
I was blessed into a group project with a mix of members.
One was wonderful and hard working and flexible with what we needed to get done. Always there, always on time, dependable as hell.
The other was the exact opposite.
And that never sits well with me.

Laziness when other people's grades are involved.
Not okay to slack off.

So anyways, the non-slacker and I became friends.
Planned and shot the entire project.
Edited the thing and got to know each other.

The other guy,
Hardly there.
Hard to get ahold off.
Did barely any.
And then was critical of our work.

Like maybe if you showed up I wouldnt be cranky.

Thats just me.

Moral of the story.
Be kind and work together.
You dont have to be the person that takes over the project.
Just be good at communicating and trusting your team until proven otherwise.
Then make sure you have a good back up plan.

88 mph

So October 21st 2015 was the day that back to the future went to.

And in some ways we are like the movie and some we are not.

Its weird to think that we are now living in the "future".

And yet we still haven't figured out how to not destroy the environment.

How to have equality between the genders.

How not to piss off everyone with our bull headedness.

And how the hell Donald Trump is somehow in the race for president.

A position he has no experience for.

How has the future come to having an arrogant man as a possible contender for the next leader of the new world.

It is 2015.

I remember when it turned 2000 and thought that was cool.

How crazy is it that its been 15 years since then.

Hello to the world of social media.

To the use of phrases such as Bae and On Fleek

To having to argue female reproductive rights.

To actually having people that thingk the movie the Martian actually was a real event.

What has our society come to?

We've progressed but we still have far to go.

Lets hope the future is brighter than what we see now.

rainbow colored sprinkles

So as we all know, I'm a bit of a small child at times

And I like sugar a lot.

Sometimes I can seriously resemble the female version of Buddy the Elf.
It's not cute.

Well this particular day there was a genius and I mean GENIUS  fundraiser going on .

Freshly dipped caramel apples.
Holy baby Jesus I nearly died.

And they were only 2 dollars.

And so not only was the caramel still warm but you could then choose the toppings.
And I got graham crackers and get this.
Rainbow colored sprinkles.

Shocker

But seriously it made my day as I was gnawing away at that thing.
Too damn good.

So if you ever want to make me randomly happy.
Just cover it in rainbow colored sprinkles.

Tall enough

We all know i'm tall.
Hello 70 inches of woman right here.

So WHY THE HECK DO I EVER WEAR HEELS?!?
I always do this.
I wear heels and then regret it.

Well today it was these really high heeled boots that are occasionally nicknamed
THE stripper boots.

Theyre not actually but dad thought they looked like stripper boots so it has unfortunately stuck.

And I wanted to mix up my style because its durango and we do that.
No we dont.
That is a lie.

So I wore heels.
And immediately regretted it.
Because I'm pretty sure I flashed a few people because I thought wearing a high waisted skirt was a great idea too...
Bad life choices.

There's actually a video of me and regretting my decisions.
Its pretty funny.

So long story short.
It's durango.
I dont need heels.
I already stick out I dont need any more reasons to be even more of an anomaly in this town.

So there.
Flat shoes it is.

Not too long now

I always hate Sundays.
Especially when my family is visiting.
Because its the day they go home.

And I just feel this emptiness when they are gone.
Like I'm the missing piece left behind.
We headed up to honeyville as per usual to get our fix of honey items.
Drank some mead.

And I just remember how good of people my parents are.
How compassionately they love

And how much I miss them.

Whenever they leave mom always says "not too long now until we see you"
And we always cry.
No matter how old I am and no matter how many times we do it I still cry.
I hate when the pull away and I see how truly far away I am.

They are not just around the corner.
We are hours upon hours away from each other.

But then I realize its okay.
This is part of growing up.
And being an adult.

You learn to be alone and stand as you grow up.
And its not as hard each time.
But its still hard.
And that means we still care.
And that they are still my world.

So not too long until i'm home.

We're not prepared for this hike...

So we decided to head out that morning and go to Mesa Verde.
Not before we first stopped by the farmers market and go THE MOST DELICIOUS CHEESE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD
There was cumin in it.

So stinking good.
Like I was more excited about the cumin cheese than really anything else.

So we head off.
And go to a couple places
And then we stop for lunch and I get way too excited about eating the nutty cumin cheese really than I should be.

And then we decide to go hike down to cliff palace and on our way back we see a hike that jets off to some pictographs.

Not really thinking and with out proper footwear, a map or any real idea what we are in for and how long this hike is, we set out.
Because that is a smart idea.

So we go for a while over hill over dale.
And then we start to question how long this is going to take.
Since we are sans water.
And the weather is starting to turn.
So we go a bit further and then decide to head back.

When we get back we find its a few mile loop and they reccommend that you dont go out with out proper footwear, water and some idea of what you are in for,

yeah we should have read that sign...

Well later we get home and have a lovely evening and it was so good to just be by myself with my parents because I never get that.
I was an only child for a little bit.
And it was great.

STRONG DRINKS

THE PARENTAL UNITS CAME INTO TO TOWN AND IT WAS THE BEST DAY EVER!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Like I came out of my last class and they were driving into the parking lot.
I was so excited to see them.
You don't realize how much you miss them until its been some time and you just really need a hug.

And then here they are just driving up to me.
So we went back to my place, made dinner and then decided to head out for dessert.
So of course we had to go to Gardenswartz because dad just has to go look at water bottles.
And then we found a place to get drinks and dessert.

Eolus.

Also saw Diego at El Moro.

But we got in ordered drinks that we found wer a bit strong.
Very strong.
And oh hot donuts too.
Those were damn good.

And then we went home and snuggled.
And I was so happy.

That wasn't Aaron....

So I swear I saw my friend Aaron Tomaselli walking past the media center on that particular day.
Now just as some context.
Aaron and Lane lived next to Hallie and I sophomore year and we all became great friends.
And I stayed friends with them after all the craziness of last year.
And I don't get to see them very often because they are busy little enginerds and hardly ever go out and just don't have time.

But I swear I saw Aaron.
He had the same hair.
Same gait.
Same long board.
Same sort of long board.
Similar face.

Wasn't him.

I ran through the back door of the media center.
Turn the corner and yelled AARON!
Wasn't him.
He turned around,
I just said, crap youre not him.
And ran back to the back door.

And hid my head,
Because I was that girl...

Nothing can ruin my day today

So that Wednesday was just a particularly good day.

For some odd reason.

And I literally could not get in a bad mood.

Which is really weird because I can get set off by just about anything.

And that day I was exceptionally happy.

For some crazy reason.

Like I had to present my video in my video class and it was less than stellar.

It had been thrown together.

And it wasnt that good.

But I took everything with a grain of salt.

And it was okay.

I don't know.

I just had an oddly good day.

Dad.

My father is a wonderful man.

And as of October 13th, 2015, he has been on this earth for 50 years.

A moment that happened just this past summer that fully sums up my dad and I's relationship was when I was laid off from a job.
The first person I called was my dad, and I was crying those ugly tears.
Like snot and make up all over the place type of crying.
And I just sobbed it out.
And dad being the typical engineer that he is, wanted to fix it.
So he called my manager and tried to get a clearer answer out of her as to why I was laid off.
He wasn't able to squeeze much more out of her.
So I get this call about 20 minutes after the first call, and he just goes "So I talked to your manager..."
And from there I heard how he tried to get some more information out of her.
But the actual unbridled thought to go a protect his girl and fight for her has stuck with me.
I was unsatisfied with how it ended and he just knew I wouldn't be able to move on without some answers.
So he went and tried to get them for me.

And even though he was not as successful.
This was an even that sort of represents our relationship as a whole.

Now I was never an easy child.
To start off, I spent my first year and a half of life in between my parents.
Yeah just imagine having a little high maintenance baby that didn't sleep through the night, with mind you a huge scar on her back, between you and your wife for that amount of time.
Between cardiologist visits and also having a heart that was easily broken by a misplaced word, he had his work cut out with me.

Owen was the much easier child.
He slept in his own bed and through the night.

I know my dad always wanted to have both boys and girls as his children.
But something just clicked with me I guess.
We just have always known how each other works.

Like I know I've said that my mom and I are emotionally similar.
But I do have similarities with my dad.
We both learn very similarly and I've recently figured out that I might have a slight learning disability and he thinks he might too.
Like we might both be slightly dyslexic.
And I guess just knowing that there is someone so close to you that experiences the world similarly to  the way that you do, is a great relief.
Like we just chat about how we each learn.
And it's fascinating.

I've always questioned my worth and I tend to overthink just about everything.
Dad is one of the few people in my life that can just quiet my mind.
Like I can finally catch a breath from myself.
And he has always been there to hear my concerns whether it be about boys or school or friends or even the future.
Because I worry about the future a lot.

I think what I get most from my dad is his ability to fix things.
Words can only go so far sometimes, but having someone say, "yes I can fix that" or "yes I can help you with that" just eases my mind.
I have this innate need to fix and repair and try to make something work more efficiently.
See you thought I was just an English major with no real science or math talent.
But I've gotten the engineering drive to fix anything that is thrown my way.

If I ever just need someone to listen to me as I cry something out, he's the one that will listen.
He restores my confidence and then inspires me to fight for what I need.
Like a few weeks ago when that one person decided to cross me and be unnecessarily mean, yep you can bet the reason I got back up and fought for my voice was because of a phone call from him.
He has taught me its fine to be a princess and live in that world, but you also need to be able to stand up and fight for yourself.
He refuses to let me be pushed around or back down.
He has always seen the fighter in me even when I don't see it or believe it

As a child I never engaged in the nightly wrestling matches that my siblings would get in.
I just never liked that,
But we would always snuggle and read a book or just hang out for a bit.

I also know that I have high standards for anyone who decides to embark on a relationship with me. And its all because of my parents.
I expect a lot from them and in term I expect them to expect a lot from me.
My parents are definitely a team.
I would like a partner to share my life with.
And equal give and take just as they have.

A few weeks ago we were talking in the hypothetical sense about the person that I would fall for and would have to keep up with me.
I move fast and my mind is in a million different places at once and I have probably a thousand triggers.
I am not the easiest person.
But he sees that all as normal.
My siblings seem to have a much easier time with relationships and I am always the oddball.
They can gracefully move from one relationship to the next with a few months in between seemingly unscathed.
I however scar and remember and overthink.
But dad sees hope in my uniqueness.
That it takes me longer to be happy.
That I don't settle and that is perfectly fine.
I'm not saying that my siblings settle, its just they have an easier time attracting quality people where as I have to weed through more.
But when I talk about my future spouse, he is sure that I will not end up alone.
That even though i'm a challenge and difficult its all worth it.

So what I think is the most important piece that i've learned from my dad is, is that differences make you stronger.
Being tough and not settling and having different intelligences makes you special.
That you are worthy of love even when you may not feel like you are.

Thanks dad for loving me, protecting me and believing in me through thick and thin.
Here's to many more years of laughs and thoughtful conversations.

Suprising

There are very few things in this life that are good surprises.
This is just a hint to all those reading this and who may care about me. I freaking love surprise parties and my birthday is in a month and 12 days.

But getting genuinely surprised.
Now that is magic.

So we switched over to the new store on October 1st.
And it had been a crazy few weeks...
And then the new boss wanted to have a staff meeting.


Somehow I missed the whole that not only were we having a staff meeting, but we were also getting to pick out a sweater from the store to keep, and go out to dinner and just have a lovely evening.

I know i'm always saying that I don't get along with women all that often.
But sometimes I do need my estrogen fix.
Like gossipping and giggling estrogen fix.

And thats what we got.

And Brittney and I just look at each other after.
And we know, it was good to stay on through the transition.

Sure its been crazy.
But damn its been a fun ride.